tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2659932759788767630..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Grab My Heart #22Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54746781281796635322018-12-13T07:48:28.968-05:002018-12-13T07:48:28.968-05:00How well are you prepared for a cyber incident or ...How well are you prepared for a cyber incident or breach? Is your data safe?.<br /> Strengthen your cybersecurity stance by contacting CLASSIC CYBER NOTCH @ GMAIL DOT COM for a Perfect, Unique, Classic and Professional Job in securing your Network against Breaches of All Sort and also we do virtually All kind of Cyber Jobs, be it Cyber Security or Hijacking without trace and with utmost Professionalism and Confidentiality. <br /><br /> We offer services such as :<br /> Private investigators service <br /> Phone /Computer hack <br /> Clearing criminal record <br /> Binary options recovery <br /> Bit coin mining <br /> Increase Credit score <br /> Issue Blank ATM <br /> Spyware installation <br /> Social media platform hack <br /> E-mail hack <br /> and many more....<br /> Our Success Rate is Top Notch <br /><br /> Contact us today @<br /> Classic cyber notch @ gmail dot com<br />to get the Best professional hands involved in putting a smile on your face. <br /><br /> Signed<br /> Collins .A<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00212441763212316772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25924069180326953222018-07-19T00:00:14.541-04:002018-07-19T00:00:14.541-04:00Can she read the goat's mind? It reads like sh...Can she read the goat's mind? It reads like she can, so I'm wondering if she has this ability.<br />I was kinda thrown off by "heat" in his eyes, but after reading through a second time I understood what was meant.<br /><br />I absolutely loved the first line. Grabbed my attention right away. And I loved the relationship already established between the sisters. I think this opening works well and I want to keep reading to find out what happens on the next page. Ink Girlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58495397291229269802018-07-18T17:34:42.035-04:002018-07-18T17:34:42.035-04:00I loved the first sentence. I can see Zaina's ...I loved the first sentence. I can see Zaina's personality right away in her humorous encounter with the goat. You described the scene well, but you could add to it by likening the odor to something the reader can understand and by adding some color. A good start.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05986859719155564897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86801767100749801542018-07-18T11:31:29.726-04:002018-07-18T11:31:29.726-04:00I really like your pitch! I think it promises an i...I really like your pitch! I think it promises an interesting premise. Two main issues jumped out for me. 1)You start four of your paragraphs with "Zaina." It's good to vary how you start your paragraphs, otherwise it reads very repetitive. Every time you refer to Zaina, you don't need to write out her name, you can say "she" or "her." 2) You write in passive voice for some of your sentences. Sometimes this is fine, but one sentence that stood out to me was, "Zaina ducked, missing being pelted by a whistling kali seed by inches, but she was not quick enough to evade the rest of the cud." Because it is passive it reads unnecessarily wordy. Consider rewriting it in active voice, which will eliminate unneeded words. Otherwise, I think you do a great job setting up an interesting opening image. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14876871290173170436noreply@blogger.com