tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2879087287447983518..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: August Secret Agent #36Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6083232553833104472010-08-22T20:20:10.301-04:002010-08-22T20:20:10.301-04:00Totally utterly hooked. I love the first line, wh...Totally utterly hooked. I love the first line, which gives us such a good idea of Jake in so few words, and I love the tension in the library (I'm guessing he's in a library?). I guess that's one thing that could be improved, we aren't sure where he is, but there's so much suspense in the air that it hardly seemed to matter. I want to read more.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27746886623345842662010-08-20T11:37:55.682-04:002010-08-20T11:37:55.682-04:00i liked this. good voice and humorous. but i wasn&...i liked this. good voice and humorous. but i wasn't sure why he felt he'd probably die if he was still immortal, and i see others brought this up, too(though we know with most immortals there is something that can kill them, i suppose... so they're never really immortal are they?).angela robbinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07114119913653244467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17202765410900411762010-08-20T10:42:32.263-04:002010-08-20T10:42:32.263-04:00I am hooked. Love that first line. The first sente...I am hooked. Love that first line. The first sentence felt a little long, but overall, that first line about the idea of giving up his immortality hooked me. <br /><br />Love that last paragraph. Nice work. Best of luck to you!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85712665358838303632010-08-19T16:43:53.590-04:002010-08-19T16:43:53.590-04:00I'm intrigued enough to read on. I do wonder ...I'm intrigued enough to read on. I do wonder about him thinking he's going to die. An impossibility if he's immortal. And if he can't die, why do I need to worry about him? Perhaps he should be worried that he might be captured and tortured for all eternity, rather than dying. Then I might feel for him.<br /><br />But I do like the idea, and there's enough quirkiness here to keep me reading. So I guess I'm hooked.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16227359390074933202010-08-19T01:01:26.942-04:002010-08-19T01:01:26.942-04:00Aside from a little fine-tuning it's a very in...Aside from a little fine-tuning it's a very intriguing idea. I'd definitely read more. <br />My biggest issue would be that I'm not a fan of the title.Jonesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71771449333078820322010-08-18T23:43:16.134-04:002010-08-18T23:43:16.134-04:00I loved the immortality statement combined with th...I loved the immortality statement combined with the references to modern TV shows. It tells us right away when and where we are.<br /><br />The 'jinn', 'pixies' and 'trickets' give us a taste of a hidden world within the modern setting. His physical reaction to the 'nearness' of the other world is a nice touch.<br /><br />I love the first sentence of the final paragraph. The last sentence contains powerful images, but needs to be re-worded in order to make more sense.roh morgonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06823641709307631626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40321373620448617442010-08-18T18:46:03.166-04:002010-08-18T18:46:03.166-04:00I liked this but the immortality question and the ...I liked this but the immortality question and the "about to die" is confusing. Love the little glimpses of what his world is,, i.e. pixies and trickets. I would definitely read more.K. Smithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07429556258552834602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47408519952957024522010-08-18T16:38:11.001-04:002010-08-18T16:38:11.001-04:00Hooked. Love the idea that he wants to give up his...Hooked. Love the idea that he wants to give up his immortality, but not yet. I want to know what he has to do.<br /><br />I like the idea behind the last paragraph, the first sentence works, not quite sure the last one does. Maybe too many ors? Not sure. <br /><br />Good job, would read more.Alex Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12008934494334367546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11067396793150081862010-08-18T15:51:40.295-04:002010-08-18T15:51:40.295-04:00I'd keep reading.
The little bits of backstor...I'd keep reading. <br />The little bits of backstory, work well to give us a good foundation of Jake's life. But are not distracting.Joel Qnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52271723157125750682010-08-18T14:43:49.214-04:002010-08-18T14:43:49.214-04:00My word, I love that first line!
I did get a bit ...My word, I love that first line!<br /><br />I did get a bit confused, though, starting with Paragraph 5. Is he in a bookstore, a library, or where? Why is the air bubble-gum scented? How is he "probably about to die" if he hasn't yet given up his immortality? Is Rachel his wife, his sister, or maybe the daughter he spoke of?<br /><br />It seemed like a delightfully fascinating situation, but I needed more clarity to really get into it.Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12357240497831335619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40093053327310261462010-08-18T14:27:06.509-04:002010-08-18T14:27:06.509-04:00I second coffeelvnmom's suggestion, and I also...I second coffeelvnmom's suggestion, and I also think you should change the "and" in this sentence here: "...and he'd stamped out that habit..." to "but."<br /><br />Other than that, this seems like a really fun story that I would love to read more of! :)MKnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32480570256636292542010-08-18T13:49:14.646-04:002010-08-18T13:49:14.646-04:00I like this. Totally would want to read more.
Th...I like this. Totally would want to read more.<br /><br />The only thing I would suggest is changing the sentence "Jake turned back, knowing what would be waiting..." to "Jake turned back, knowing dark eyes and perfect peach skin would be waiting..."Jessica L. Brooks (coffeelvnmom)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17524862571932528710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49181039101537812682010-08-18T12:30:31.971-04:002010-08-18T12:30:31.971-04:00LOVE. Awesome. I totally want to read this, the ...LOVE. Awesome. I totally want to read this, the end.Lucy Woodhullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10772331811727392601noreply@blogger.com