tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2948389429518110990..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Logline Critique Round #25Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78966235382497819172016-08-26T17:35:24.037-04:002016-08-26T17:35:24.037-04:00I love ghost stories, and this sounds like a great...I love ghost stories, and this sounds like a great one!Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08334805667163665312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21706996918575050732016-08-25T09:42:34.650-04:002016-08-25T09:42:34.650-04:00Great job! I'm hooked and to read the story.Great job! I'm hooked and to read the story.arbor16https://www.blogger.com/profile/11895249378453098564noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33085565496945701612016-08-24T21:09:38.717-04:002016-08-24T21:09:38.717-04:00I agree with the crowd. I'd presume she wants ...I agree with the crowd. I'd presume she wants to come back, but what about the place she finds (or the people? including her grandfather?) makes her know she has to do it. Why isn't this a place she'd like to stay? Cool idea. Can't wait to read it in print. ;)Geni Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06387805161005778258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82260614555304781682016-08-24T19:53:53.943-04:002016-08-24T19:53:53.943-04:00I like BlueMetal's suggestion! It goes along w...I like BlueMetal's suggestion! It goes along with what Holly says--we need to know what she wants. Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10100364670783624333noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18609963225258064962016-08-24T12:35:30.569-04:002016-08-24T12:35:30.569-04:00Was it the plan that imploded or the implementatio...Was it the plan that imploded or the implementation of the plan? What's keeping her from returning?don't hate menoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53136129851436130882016-08-24T11:04:45.432-04:002016-08-24T11:04:45.432-04:00You have done a good job at inciting the story in ...You have done a good job at inciting the story in the beginning of the first line, but then you don't give us her goal. We need to know what she wants here. Is it to return to her real life? If so, what will stop her from doing so? Ghosts? Family mysteries? (The latter doesn't sound like an obstacle to me).<br /><br />Good luck!<br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35204262312864158142016-08-24T10:38:19.713-04:002016-08-24T10:38:19.713-04:00I almost think it might be an idea to set the scen...I almost think it might be an idea to set the scene first and then introduce the character, then the difficulty, then the goal. I don't think it is important to define the age.<br />Maybe:<br />When a young ghost speaker finds herself in another world she must solve a family mystery to return home.BlueMetalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07441774555617067141noreply@blogger.com