tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3221411515186763762..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: F2S 12Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13855340487513559572008-12-04T19:19:00.000-05:002008-12-04T19:19:00.000-05:00The language and sentence structure don't match th...The language and sentence structure don't match the sense of forboding you're trying to build--they're too overworked and "purple prose." I think simpler would be better in this instance.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38008987531214768462008-12-04T11:14:00.000-05:002008-12-04T11:14:00.000-05:00Great sentences except for the word 'sanguine.' It...Great sentences except for the word 'sanguine.' It seemed to interrupt the flow. But I liked the second sentence and got the feel of a mystical story.Charliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03523744949575339156noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80267539915022659782008-12-04T10:29:00.000-05:002008-12-04T10:29:00.000-05:00Interesting. I’d read more. I think the words “a b...Interesting. I’d read more. I think the words “a bit” are a bit unnecessary ;)Anette J Kreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15675193405511996480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70763935722698972912008-12-04T10:18:00.001-05:002008-12-04T10:18:00.001-05:00Original TextTwo drops of sanguine fluid were all ...Original Text<BR/>Two drops of sanguine fluid were all that Rhea could squeeze out of her sliced finger. It seemed her blood was a bit thicker than his.<BR/>Average Grade Level<BR/>Average Readability Level: 4.5<BR/>Average of grade levels scores that follow.<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>Specific Scores<BR/>Flesch-Kincaid Reading Ease (Wikipedia): 99.3<BR/>Aim for 60 to 80. The higher the score, the more readable the text.<BR/><BR/>Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level (Wikipedia): 2.6<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>Gunning-Fog Score (Wikipedia): 5.2<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>Coleman-Liau Index (Wikipedia): 8.4<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>SMOG Index (Wikipedia): 1.8<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>Automated Readability Index (Wikipedia): 4.5<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text<BR/> They're right, sanguine is a good word, but off-putting for a first sentence. It made me wonder if I would find more difficult words later.<BR/>Your reading ease is good.Julie Butcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15055134290787317245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17502192882913828332008-12-04T10:18:00.000-05:002008-12-04T10:18:00.000-05:00The only minor nit I have here is that "his" seeme...The only minor nit I have here is that "his" seemed a bit bland at the end of what otherwise is quite intriguing. If "he" has a name, could you use it here? If he's some anonymous victim, perhaps you could give us something a tad more descriptive?<BR/><BR/>I'd read on. :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05740371055384281988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33777227425471509152008-12-04T05:11:00.000-05:002008-12-04T05:11:00.000-05:00I'd read more. You might cut "of sanguine fluid,"...I'd read more. You might cut "of sanguine fluid," though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30414178829046611462008-12-03T22:26:00.000-05:002008-12-03T22:26:00.000-05:00Sounds like a vamp story (of which I have an avers...Sounds like a vamp story (of which I have an aversion to). Sorry, not hooked.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72274653934912303012008-12-03T21:06:00.000-05:002008-12-03T21:06:00.000-05:00Not sure about the 'sanguine fluid'...My first tho...Not sure about the 'sanguine fluid'...<BR/><BR/>My first thought "She has sad blood?" <BR/><BR/>I'm probably just confused. <BR/><BR/>Sounds like vamps to me. I'd read a little more to see where you are going, but I don't read too much vamp fiction...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82655077595266101032008-12-03T20:36:00.000-05:002008-12-03T20:36:00.000-05:00I'd like a name instead of "his". Other than that,...I'd like a name instead of "his". Other than that, I like the tone.feywriterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17224558691840388691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19658922156898547302008-12-03T19:28:00.000-05:002008-12-03T19:28:00.000-05:00I think you should identify the "his" and the word...I think you should identify the "his" and the word sanguine would stop me since I have no idea what it means. this is a good start. I would read on to find out more.Bethlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00399849555406133310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35919168143542176962008-12-03T19:21:00.000-05:002008-12-03T19:21:00.000-05:00Heh, I was wondering about the "sanguine" word cho...Heh, I was wondering about the "sanguine" word choice there for a moment, but the second sentence cinched it for me, so I would say hooked.Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30741663807529817482008-12-03T18:10:00.000-05:002008-12-03T18:10:00.000-05:00I like it. I had to look up sanguine though. Maybe...I like it. I had to look up sanguine though. Maybe a simpler adjective here. I'd read on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86211145966331016412008-12-03T16:42:00.000-05:002008-12-03T16:42:00.000-05:00I'm definitely curious about what they're doing he...I'm definitely curious about what they're doing here.Ardythhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15379643762791779892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17593371448306316692008-12-03T13:15:00.000-05:002008-12-03T13:15:00.000-05:00I like this, but I'd replace "sanguine"--it's a bi...I like this, but I'd replace "sanguine"--it's a bit off.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61511579203780583172008-12-03T13:07:00.000-05:002008-12-03T13:07:00.000-05:00This is fun. The sentences don't flow nicely off t...This is fun. The sentences don't flow nicely off the tongue... something about the structure is a bit complex, but they are hooking.<BR/><BR/>Btw, Rhea immediately conjured an image of a witch to mind, based on Rhea of the Coos from Wizard and Glass.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15772115162429818530noreply@blogger.com