tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post329996770537054658..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #45Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45921985408127587392015-03-17T17:17:45.924-04:002015-03-17T17:17:45.924-04:00Congrats to the writer on getting the request! I d...Congrats to the writer on getting the request! I didn't get through reading all the entries last week. I love magical realism. Good luck!Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3627338928159172492015-03-15T00:38:52.545-04:002015-03-15T00:38:52.545-04:00I love everything about this. You are an incredibl...I love everything about this. You are an incredibly strong writer and you've done everything right here. I love the folklore that you worked in--it makes for a very compelling opening. I have an immediate sense of setting and character. What can I say? I'm hooked and I want to read more. Sorry, Authoress! I wish I could be more constructive here, but I'm too busy looking at that frozen blizzard of stars. I want more!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8520622663166366662015-03-12T11:45:04.685-04:002015-03-12T11:45:04.685-04:00I am a fan of magical realism so I appreciate that...I am a fan of magical realism so I appreciate that you set up in the first page a tone that seems very appropriate to the genre. There are some nice images like:<br />"the baby egg of my head" <br />"the lights were a long line of ectoplasmic green"<br />"the wave of electric light curved down" <br /><br />Your description is generally very strong and I think it can even be made stronger in a subsequent draft - especially the first paragraph. I think the use of 2nd person there undercuts the natural mysticism of the scene or memory you are establishing. So I would reconsider that.<br /><br />What also draws me out is the memory of a ten month old - it is jarring because it creates a moment of "no way!" in the reader (how poetic I am!). Maybe qualify it more so it does not challenge credulity.<br /><br />A very nice beginning and I want to continue reading.<br />If I might recommend a book....anyone interested in magical realism should read The Master and Margarita by Michael Bulgakov (translated from the Russian)<br />-Daniel<br />danielmaclainewriting.blogspot.com<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48556843239261987362015-03-12T09:51:07.390-04:002015-03-12T09:51:07.390-04:00This is tremendously engaging, with great descript...This is tremendously engaging, with great description, economical details, and a central mystery right up front. I would absolutely keep reading.<br /><br />Personally, I would prefer the mystery to be a little more mysterious. The very concrete lines, "The wave of electric light curved down. It took her. / It left me there, alone on the ice." actually seemed too realistic to me. Maybe if they were not such short, declarative sentences, but maintained the lilting lyricism of the rest of the passage, they would be more effective in sustaining the mood. As written, they took me out of the mystical enchantment and into a place where I was wondering, wait, no injuries to an infant who got dropped on ice? Wait, how did the baby get home? I don't want to have THOSE questions, I want to be wondering about this mother & why the heck she whistled.<br />jsrnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79956822623513528502015-03-12T09:28:06.682-04:002015-03-12T09:28:06.682-04:00Honestly, this is wonderful. The language is poeti...Honestly, this is wonderful. The language is poetic, and the concept is highly intriguing. I'd read on.<br />Ron Waltershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02470028719946101020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10115457472065518762015-03-12T08:37:19.757-04:002015-03-12T08:37:19.757-04:00Whoa. Nice.
I would say also that I'm wonderin...Whoa. Nice.<br />I would say also that I'm wondering how the baby avoided a concussion from dropping down into the ice. Otherwise, rock on!Petre Panhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09116806277306186024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70815871787972416042015-03-12T06:31:10.323-04:002015-03-12T06:31:10.323-04:00Love this - pulled me right in and left me disappo...Love this - pulled me right in and left me disappointed when I got to the end. My only comment would be, despite some of the comments above wanting more description of the lights and how her mother was taken, I thought that section was over described already - given that it is the recollection of an infant.KayChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16267506508468548195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83997865743740984912015-03-11T21:04:46.285-04:002015-03-11T21:04:46.285-04:00I love this beginning. Both the story and the writ...I love this beginning. Both the story and the writing drew me in. For some reason, I got a little stuck on the third sentence. It seems to break the poetic flow of the paragraph -- I agree with the commenter who suggested deleting "us." You may explain this later, but I also wondered if it is just any whistle, or if you have to do a special kind of whistle (could people accidentally be taken away by casual whistling?). You've got me wanting to read the story and find out!justinemcdnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39132470698633214922015-03-11T20:57:04.498-04:002015-03-11T20:57:04.498-04:00You certainly have intrigued me. I've always b...You certainly have intrigued me. I've always been fascinated with the Northern Lights and I love the spin you've put on it with the whistling. I would have loved a bit more description of how the Lights took the mother though. And how was the baby left? In my head I pictured the mother disappearing and the baby smacking into the ice. I would read on. Good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8248253829380430312015-03-11T17:43:08.618-04:002015-03-11T17:43:08.618-04:00I'm hooked! I loved the way you established th...I'm hooked! I loved the way you established the setting. It's beautiful and yet still mysterious. I'm not sure if you need the "us" in the third sentence, but that's a minor point. I loved the "blizzard frozen in time" line. I am curious how the narrator (not sure if it's a boy or girl), who was only 10 months old and supposedly too young to remember, is able to tell us exactly what happened. Maybe that's explained later in the book. I'd read more to find out! Good job and good luck!bookwormnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45003098156744366772015-03-11T15:40:25.759-04:002015-03-11T15:40:25.759-04:00I would love to read more!I would love to read more!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73493845437364012732015-03-11T15:30:48.708-04:002015-03-11T15:30:48.708-04:00Great first sentence and nice rhythm! It's al...Great first sentence and nice rhythm! It's all very beautiful, mysterious, poetic in rhythm and then swiftly,that changed. I felt the cold reality with those last short three sentences-nicely done. I'd definitely read more! All the best!C.E. Aegeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10311566837851376984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25079326558909277712015-03-11T14:32:36.388-04:002015-03-11T14:32:36.388-04:00What a beautiful vivid description!! I love the co...What a beautiful vivid description!! I love the colors and the vibrancy. The aurora's are something of an obsession of mine. I would certainly keep reading to see where this story goes. I want to know what happened to her mother and I would also like to see more of how she was taken. Was it a sweeping of color, was it a single arm of green that wrapped around her?mandy.silbernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46361521263585905472015-03-11T14:15:27.807-04:002015-03-11T14:15:27.807-04:00I love the description and the way you establish t...I love the description and the way you establish the setting! I also love magical realism, and this captures the feel of the genre. I only have small comments. In the first paragraph, the rhyming of Light, light, and night slowed me. And while I love how this section ends, with the mother being taken and the child left, the short sentences of "it left her" and "it took me" felt a bit abrupt compared to the poetic language of the rest of the selection. I think you could be a bit more descriptive of HOW it took her: did she vanish, did it carry her into the sky, etc. But overall, I really like this and I'm curious to see where it goes!beckyd821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22169661467593482102015-03-11T14:14:55.465-04:002015-03-11T14:14:55.465-04:00Wow. Great beginning. Took me to another world.
...Wow. Great beginning. Took me to another world. <br /><br />About my only suggestion would be to lengthen the description of the northern lights (ectoplasmic green...)Martin Hill Ortizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13921106080481483326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58091280150797870282015-03-11T13:52:00.744-04:002015-03-11T13:52:00.744-04:00Definitely hooked! What a unique idea. I'm def...Definitely hooked! What a unique idea. I'm definitely curious to see where this goes. how it's affected her life, what it has to do with our world...<br /><br />Good luck!RedWriterhttp://www.jillcorddry.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20680568233079875302015-03-11T12:46:17.682-04:002015-03-11T12:46:17.682-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.louisakleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16541235959602674561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75855587067312986172015-03-11T12:45:57.834-04:002015-03-11T12:45:57.834-04:00what can I say? I'm certaintly hooked
! I love...what can I say? I'm certaintly hooked<br />! I love magical realism and this book definitely sounds up my alley. I love the atmosphere, the mystery, the description. Very good job! Not cheerleading here ... Just envious! ;) louisakleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16541235959602674561noreply@blogger.com