tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3696151372464514673..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Middle Grade #32Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39095507004037046452016-04-30T15:32:43.470-04:002016-04-30T15:32:43.470-04:00Ooo this feels a bit reminiscent of peter pan and ...Ooo this feels a bit reminiscent of peter pan and I'm a total sucker for things like that. As far as voice goes, I'm not quite sure you've found your MG voice yet. It does creep in at times with phrases like --> “I’m not an exhibit in a freak show, so you can close your mouth and stop staring, thank you.”<br /><br />But overall this felt a bit flat for me. I wanted some more immediacy or tension or something to help propel me into the story more. <br /><br />In terms of working on your voice, I'd look for some scenes in your MS that were a lot of fun to write and came pouring out of you and look at the voice there. That's the vest tactic I've been given in the past for really help to nail down that voice. Being able to study it in my own writing really helped.<br /><br />I wish you all the luck as you move forward with your MS.<br />Jamie - Entry #35Jamie Krakoverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16808802721340647047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86534083163273153632016-04-29T19:42:34.582-04:002016-04-29T19:42:34.582-04:00Fairies are fun, and I can see how this could turn...Fairies are fun, and I can see how this could turn into a very entertaining story. I like that you're starting with something active. My main problem was in the first two paragraphs. Instead of being drawn into the fairy's personality, I was busy asking why she was doing what she was doing and trying to figure out what was going on.<br /><br />When she's exasperated by this boy and the position she got herself into, I get a much better feel for her personality. And it's fun that she's annoyed with him.Sarah Hipplehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09127310898615441853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37876162033792455982016-04-29T10:51:10.462-04:002016-04-29T10:51:10.462-04:00I find it difficult to believe that a fireworks wi...I find it difficult to believe that a fireworks wielding fairy can't defend herself from a batch of fireflies. I like to know more about what happened - why she can't. <br /><br />'Flocked to me...' would be a more active voice than "...came flocking to me." <br /><br />The logline doesn't give enough information. You've got good characters, a jaded fairy and a balky kid, but I don't really know what the challenges are - or the stakes. What happens if the fairy doesn't help him? 50 word is tough but more information would let me see beyond the first 250 words. <br /><br />Gracenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75736008080418526942016-04-29T08:33:19.895-04:002016-04-29T08:33:19.895-04:00I also like the fairy's attitude. I agree that...I also like the fairy's attitude. I agree that it reads like a grown up fairy so far. But that can work if done well. I found myself wondering what the story would be like from the point of view of the kid, though. He gets this fairy. Super exciting! But then she's not at all what he is expecting. And it may be that you have a dual POV or it is fine as it is. But that was just a thought. I love the premise! It sounds like a really fun story! Amy Bearcehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12517680487853494630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48780198836955114942016-04-28T22:27:29.273-04:002016-04-28T22:27:29.273-04:00I like the attitude of the fairy. I'd like to ...I like the attitude of the fairy. I'd like to see a tighter start (Start with "The fireflies were dazzled..." and get through the encounter with the fireflies and right into the exchange with the boy. The boy character's voice is spot on, I just would like to see a little more a little sooner.<br />Good start!Mike Hayshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06485884518411706201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51016972004686007792016-04-28T22:26:53.927-04:002016-04-28T22:26:53.927-04:00I like the attitude of the fairy. I'd like to ...I like the attitude of the fairy. I'd like to see a tighter start (Start with "The fireflies were dazzled..." and get through the encounter with the fireflies and right into the exchange with the boy. The boy character's voice is spot on, I just would like to see a little more a little sooner.<br />Good start!Mike Hayshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06485884518411706201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82634412461757506672016-04-28T13:53:15.584-04:002016-04-28T13:53:15.584-04:00For a MG novel, and it may just be from the limite...For a MG novel, and it may just be from the limited sample, the fairy reads like she's too adult. After being harassed, the fairy is exasperated when it seems like a kid would be scared or hurt by the experience to a degree. <br /><br />Since the main character isn't an actual kid, it may be you've got more freedom in how the MC can act. But I would consider how much a MG reader would identify with a jaded main character. eltsmithhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03971566598260327810noreply@blogger.com