tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3910018195507485189..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Grab My Heart #11Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11008051909777886892018-07-22T19:35:34.631-04:002018-07-22T19:35:34.631-04:00This is really a fascinating premise that's ve...This is really a fascinating premise that's very eerie! I can totally see myself reading this.<br /><br />My only criticism is about your first 250 words:<br /><br />I think you need a stronger opening line. And some of the lines were confusing. For example: "She scanned the plain oak canoes anchored to the shore by Luck, until she spotted Mother’s." I noticed Luck is capitalized the entire time, so is it supposed to be like an entity or like a superpower? This other line was confusing, too. "She turned back to her canoe. “Madelece says, Stay.” So is she talking in third-person about herself? I think if you clear up a few of those things, this will definitely be a solid start :)Maddie Rodriguezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05284212200918139511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67174129948633692922018-07-18T16:26:45.643-04:002018-07-18T16:26:45.643-04:00Sleep regenerating magic is a unique concept, and ...Sleep regenerating magic is a unique concept, and this has a creepy sort of feel which is probably what you were after. I was scratching my head over your Luck references. First is sounded like a place, then about her luck in general, and then sounded like the name she called her rope. Good luck!Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03709765480911390955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58398934615097846662018-07-18T14:49:09.891-04:002018-07-18T14:49:09.891-04:00Your pitch is full of intrigue. I would want to kn...Your pitch is full of intrigue. I would want to know more. I love fantasy and magic. The Mother character sounds ominous and scary. I'm thinking evilstep mom...jenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08809000154442629663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24614539306200655942018-07-18T14:43:35.421-04:002018-07-18T14:43:35.421-04:00I like the concept. Also, the fact that Mother see...I like the concept. Also, the fact that Mother seems more like an Odin-all father figure is very cool.<br /><br />The writing is good and the scene sets up well. I'd say you have a bit of Enid Blyton about you. Would definitely read onAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16327204597739504361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54088307254280762712018-07-18T11:47:06.933-04:002018-07-18T11:47:06.933-04:00I really like this. The concept is fascinating, an...I really like this. The concept is fascinating, and the middle grade voice comes through really well. I like that you've told us so much about the main character and her life just in these opening scenes. I would definitely read more. abreitbookwormnoreply@blogger.com