tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3919515100563201973..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #2Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44834259417054694692014-03-10T11:34:02.614-04:002014-03-10T11:34:02.614-04:00Thanks, everyone, for taking the time to read, and...Thanks, everyone, for taking the time to read, and thank you for your kind words and thoughtful comments. <br /><br />All the best to you! Happy writing... :)IslandGirlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69258019200918906882014-03-09T11:49:09.962-04:002014-03-09T11:49:09.962-04:00I love this in some ways but had some trouble with...I love this in some ways but had some trouble with it, too. <br /><br />I love the voice, love the images, love the ocean-blue couch, for instance. I love that she looks for God in the pancake. <br /><br />I believe that they are newly sent to nana's--she doesn't know about checking for God in the pancakes and Daniel is a new friend--and I suspect that they are there for more than a vacation. I suspect something traumatic has happened because kevin is afraid of storms and Bailey is looking for miracles. Mother and Dad fight. They are still alive, apparently, but maybe getting divorced or going through a separation. <br /><br />So you've packed a lot into these few lines and you've done it without telling straight out. Your character, with her voice and observations, has shown me a lot. <br /><br />My problem is with the short, short lines. It reads choppily to me. I want to read it like this:<br /><br />After the storm Felicity Bay is washed clean—<br /><br />cottage roofs rain-fresh,<br /><br />gleaming in the morning sun.<br /><br />Last night’s wind rearranged driftwood along the beach<br /><br />like my mother scrubbing, <br /><br />cleaning,<br /><br />moving furniture around . . .<br /><br />after she and Dad fight.<br /><br />Kevin’s afraid of storms.<br /><br />This morning I found him on Nana Marie’s ocean-blue couch,<br /><br />wrapped in a sheet.<br /><br />Something like that anyway. I want to have the lines a little bit longer. It feels too choppy with the lines as short as you have them. <br /><br />However--I am no poet. So I'm just telling you what my ears think as I'm reading. <br /><br />My other caution is this: novels in verse are not particularly easy to sell. What if you wrote this in prose? <br /><br />Would I read on? Yes for a bit. I'd like to know why they are at nana's and why Bailey is looking for a miracle. And I like her voice. <br />Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91423476764389695502014-03-07T15:00:04.383-05:002014-03-07T15:00:04.383-05:00I had to read this twice, because the initial thou...I had to read this twice, because the initial thought I had was - this is kind of odd.<br /><br />But then I read it. I really like the way it sets up, and I find the style unique and clever. Well done!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74025694157216537922014-03-06T23:25:39.560-05:002014-03-06T23:25:39.560-05:00At first when I saw the phrasing, Poetry, I though...At first when I saw the phrasing, Poetry, I thought. I dismissed it. Not gonna read it.<br /><br />But I came back. And I saw Authoress' comment. So I read it. And fell in love. <br /><br />I love what you are doing here. I love the quiet nothingness wrapped n humor and wonder. <br /><br />Don't know if this is a book, but I didn't want it to end. It's quite lovely.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42873114424683931132014-03-06T20:40:31.664-05:002014-03-06T20:40:31.664-05:00My thought is that there's not a lot here. We...My thought is that there's not a lot here. We start out on a beach after a storm, and nothing happens. We go inside to breakfast, and nothing happens. Later, she goes out and takes a walk, nothing happens. I don't know what the story is about or where it may be going. There's no tension, no conflict, no sign of a plot. Based on this page, the story could be about anything. <br /><br />Is there some way you could work this so we do get an idea of where you're going, and what your intent is? Or perhaps start with going for the walk and running into Daniel, that way you're a bit closer to your inciting incident?Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91540120926935145062014-03-06T14:55:03.432-05:002014-03-06T14:55:03.432-05:00First person, present tense is diffcult. You do it...First person, present tense is diffcult. You do it well.<br /><br />Not sure about the "Kevin’s" concatenation.<br /><br />You've got a great voice, but I'd rather it was prose. For me, although the verse creates a wonderful casual flow, it slows the pace too much for an MG read. Obviously, I'm the minority in that though.ikmarnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90899879946637170452014-03-06T09:02:41.873-05:002014-03-06T09:02:41.873-05:00I LOVE this, too! Reading it was so addictive and ...I LOVE this, too! Reading it was so addictive and now I just wish I could keep reading. Hooked!!! Great job!Annie Rainshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18408863685494968873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87242670465747906162014-03-05T23:12:03.578-05:002014-03-05T23:12:03.578-05:00Lovely writing. I love the idea of the two friends...Lovely writing. I love the idea of the two friends going nowhere together. I also loved the subtle humor (re Tom Hanks) as well as the spiritual bit about god.<br /><br />I'm not sure exactly what this will be about, I'd like a little more of a hint, but I'm intrigued and enchanted and want to find out more.Drivingmybusnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19085043783652071192014-03-05T20:47:27.160-05:002014-03-05T20:47:27.160-05:00Poignant, lovely. The only constructive criticism ...Poignant, lovely. The only constructive criticism I can think to offer is that for me, the MC's name read to me as a little trendy and didn't quite reflect the off beat beauty of the imagery and language. But that's really splitting hairs. This is the kind of book I'd buy just to own my own copy, like Counting by Sevens. Robynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60620684257248805772014-03-05T18:36:10.122-05:002014-03-05T18:36:10.122-05:00I don't often pop on and say things like this,...I don't often pop on and say things like this, but...<br /><br />I love this. I really love it. The writing is lyrical, flows well, and offers wonderful imagery.<br /><br />Authoresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56992984069861357202014-03-05T15:35:43.053-05:002014-03-05T15:35:43.053-05:00I don't know a lot about verse writing, but I ...I don't know a lot about verse writing, but I do think the language here is beautiful like a painting, but I'm concerned about the line structure not being consistent. Also, the breaks are a little confusing. At first I thought the breaks were for when there is dialogue but then there is these lines:<br />"said it changed her life.<br /><br />So I say, You never know,<br /><br />and I check for God."<br /><br />But there isn't a break here when the MC speaks, so it confused me and kept me distracted. Again, I'm not completely familiar with verse, but I do like this approach for a YA Novel, and I hope it goes over well.<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04798194712737818268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53942569466951769472014-03-05T10:48:48.851-05:002014-03-05T10:48:48.851-05:00I am on the fence with this one. It reminds me of ...I am on the fence with this one. It reminds me of OUT OF THE DUST by Karen Hesse. Although, I loved that book (It was brilliant!!!), I had a hard time with the pacing and flow. I love middle grade books with verse, but I think the meter is off. <br /><br />At times, I get a rhythmic flow; but not often. I am on the fence. I will read more entries. Then I will re-read. I am a huge fan of middle grade so I want to see this work.Luv2EatReadWritenoreply@blogger.com