tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post3935624541851560315..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #6Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90373150018929661612015-03-12T19:47:05.221-04:002015-03-12T19:47:05.221-04:00Thank you for your comments, Secret Agent. Very he...Thank you for your comments, Secret Agent. Very helpful. I'll start revising.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03260335487489664898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46674849422073038132015-03-12T14:13:25.105-04:002015-03-12T14:13:25.105-04:00The main thought that I had when I finished readin...The main thought that I had when I finished reading this was that you didn't need to spend as much time getting Jodi into the bathroom as you did. It's always a bit hairy to start with a character waking up and getting his/her bearings, but I think that you have a legitimate reason to do that here. Woman wakes up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from the bed. I like it. However, she can realize that immediately. <br /><br />Logistically, it seems that the bathroom is attached to their bedroom so, with the light radiating out, wouldn't she immediately realize that that's where he is? And, honestly, is there anything odd about getting up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom? The only red flag here is his conversation with the mirror. (And maybe I'm about to embarrass myself by admitting this, but I do occasionally mutter things to myself in the mirror, so even that...) <br /><br />I guess my question for you is: why does Jodi even get out of bed to open the bathroom door in the first place? Is it because he hasn't answered her and he usually would? Even then, why didn't she knock? I'm having a hard time understanding her logic here.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69314075378316993852015-03-12T11:33:17.845-04:002015-03-12T11:33:17.845-04:00I really am dying to find out what he was saying a...I really am dying to find out what he was saying as he was looking in the mirror!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8187732232949606442015-03-12T10:47:14.089-04:002015-03-12T10:47:14.089-04:00I agree with the above comments, as well as wanted...I agree with the above comments, as well as wanted to note that I would maybe change 'dream traces.' The wording was awkward for me. But I love the last part of your entry. A husband talking to himself in the mirror in the middle of the night, and it seems its normal for the wife, it's intriguing! Heather Eagarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08106309120545105649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2684080868395090732015-03-11T23:35:53.502-04:002015-03-11T23:35:53.502-04:00I agree with the above comments. It takes too long...I agree with the above comments. It takes too long to get to the bathroom scene. I love the hook of "jerked back" when he saw her. Lets me know something out of the ordinary is going on. CindyGnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37539157656274048092015-03-11T19:47:36.154-04:002015-03-11T19:47:36.154-04:00The tension starts in a few more paragraphs. I'...The tension starts in a few more paragraphs. I'll speed it up. Thanks for your comments. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03260335487489664898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85452290463589377332015-03-11T19:46:25.111-04:002015-03-11T19:46:25.111-04:00Sorry it was confusing, but glad to know it came a...Sorry it was confusing, but glad to know it came across that way. I'll clarify that she was dreaming. Thanks.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03260335487489664898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25499928509482556722015-03-11T19:45:07.502-04:002015-03-11T19:45:07.502-04:00Good point. Thanks for your comments. Good point. Thanks for your comments. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03260335487489664898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66469710125028937382015-03-11T14:46:23.457-04:002015-03-11T14:46:23.457-04:00I guess I want a bit of tension...maybe a quick wa...I guess I want a bit of tension...maybe a quick wake up,noticing she's alone, checking on him in the bathroom...then something important/weird/shocking is divulged. You do give the reader a sense of her feelings for Michael, but tighten that part up and go more directly into the problem.Dianne Scottnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11344388961114056842015-03-11T13:33:24.000-04:002015-03-11T13:33:24.000-04:00I found your opening line confusing. I just had t...I found your opening line confusing. I just had trouble visualizing her "fist pumping the air" while asleep. It may be obvious and just over my head. But if others agree you may want to consider revising it. After all the last thing you want from your first sentence is to confuse your audience.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6292825657019711982015-03-11T11:28:49.325-04:002015-03-11T11:28:49.325-04:00Beginning a story with a character waking up is co...Beginning a story with a character waking up is common and considered something of a cliche. To avoid this, you may want to think about beginning with her finding Michael in the bathroom, skipping over the part where she wakes up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com