tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4131422601021239769..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Young Adult #6Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17779047364674466802016-12-16T05:15:51.315-05:002016-12-16T05:15:51.315-05:00I love the premise and the Victorian setting is al...I love the premise and the Victorian setting is always a wonderful draw. The logline, however, needs a bit more work. I'd bring up Nicola from the very first line, so we know she's the protagonist. I'd also drop the mention of the "bomb squad" because it confuses rather than informs.<br /><br />As for the passage, it's evocative and there's excellent world-building. The only bit I'd look into is the second paragraph, which felt like a run-on sentence.<br /><br />Good luck!Silviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10078317495841165551noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30648778862359435522016-12-15T15:25:48.207-05:002016-12-15T15:25:48.207-05:00I love this. I also absolutely love England, so I...I love this. I also absolutely love England, so I'm trying to divorce that from my objective advice on your story.<br /><br />You do a good job of showing us that your protagonist is uncomfortable in this situation, which makes me want to keep reading because now I feel uncomfortable because she does. Also, your setting is well-done. It's very ominous. You contrast it well with the description of Devon, which makes it even creepier.<br /><br />Nice work.Christine Webbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06840400586884980591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81639220533802574042016-12-15T10:08:49.111-05:002016-12-15T10:08:49.111-05:00I like the male voice at the end, reminded me of S...I like the male voice at the end, reminded me of Sherlock Holmes lol. Put me right in the mood. I would definitely read on. Hooked!AMYnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52456031552357475922016-12-14T15:41:13.200-05:002016-12-14T15:41:13.200-05:00Or just MISS PEELE'S SCHOOL FOR LADY SPIES!Or just MISS PEELE'S SCHOOL FOR LADY SPIES!Krista Van Dolzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74667243146651889672016-12-14T15:40:31.138-05:002016-12-14T15:40:31.138-05:00I enjoyed this. If I were an agent, I would defini...I enjoyed this. If I were an agent, I would definitely keep reading. It doesn't have a ton of action or conflict, but it extends the PROMISE of action and conflict, and that's more than enough.<br /><br />A few small notes: I'd cut the "that" after "made my heart sink" and start a new sentence there. I'd also add a "had" in the fourth paragraph: "After a rousing ride that had nearly left me on the floor ..." Lastly, I believe you mean "cannon" in this instance, not "canon." :)<br /><br />Good luck to you and THE STRANGE WORLD OF MISS PEELE'S SCHOOL FOR YOUNG ADULT LADY SPIES! (Which is almost a fantastic title. Have you considered shrinking it to something a little more manageable? Maybe MISS PEELE'S SCHOOL FOR YOUNG LADY SPIES?)Krista Van Dolzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.com