tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4397103722860254965..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talkin' Heads #14Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77593861358038535572013-01-29T08:49:23.184-05:002013-01-29T08:49:23.184-05:00Thanks all. :)Thanks all. :)Kathleen Basihttp://www.kathleenbasi.com/blognoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30929570757025473772013-01-28T21:09:23.112-05:002013-01-28T21:09:23.112-05:00I agree that "swooshed" doesn't seem...I agree that "swooshed" doesn't seem to be the right word to describe the boat docking.<br /><br />If this is women's fiction, you may ruffle some feathers with the romantic interest calling Nicole a "girl" - twice. <br /><br />Why is she out of her element? Does she not have any experience romantically?<br /><br />I wasn't sure who was speaking at first with the "And... staying power" line.<br /><br />On a technical issue, if he's inside the boat still, I don't think he could lean over far enough to kiss her. Unless you want him to fall in trying. :-)danikahttp://www.danikadinsmore.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55097316237061951392013-01-28T20:13:57.172-05:002013-01-28T20:13:57.172-05:00Joel's dialog seemed over-the-top to me (assum...Joel's dialog seemed over-the-top to me (assuming they'd met the night before, or barely know each other). I was suspicious of him. Not sure if that's what you are going for. IMHOnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55490821006896178932013-01-28T17:18:30.629-05:002013-01-28T17:18:30.629-05:00I thought this worked pretty well. The swooshing ...I thought this worked pretty well. The swooshing up on the bank seemed awkward. Perhaps have the boat stop and show him climb out. As is, he and the boat are rushing up beside her.<br /><br />You might change the opening sentence to - I was hoping I'd 'find' you, because he had been searching for her.<br /><br />And it did seem far-fetched that he'd find her so easily if there really are lots of campgrounds around. Perhaps she might have said something at the party to help him narrow it down and he could mention that here?<br /><br />Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.com