tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4403518977322997820..comments2024-03-19T02:03:01.380-04:00Comments on Authoress: July Secret Agent #14Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52113657177075379472010-07-17T10:01:12.009-04:002010-07-17T10:01:12.009-04:00I really like the set-up here and would keep readi...I really like the set-up here and would keep reading. You evoke a scene with lots of questions and that's good in my book.<br /><br />A couple of nits, and a kid probably wouldn't notice, but I read a lot of kid books, and it's often the little things that jump out at me.<br /><br />I'm a bit concerned about a cast-iron roof. For some reason, that seems way too heavy for a roof, and I never heard of one, so I'm wondering if that's the way to go. <br /><br />The other little thing was the dark green honeysuckle growing in December. Usually the honeysuckle is all brown vines by the time the cool December air comes around.<br /><br />But aside from that, I like it.Cordelia Dinsmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704456269484202163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76327619189681699682010-07-15T11:55:05.476-04:002010-07-15T11:55:05.476-04:00I loved the beautiful descriptions and the chill i...I loved the beautiful descriptions and the chill it gave me up my spine. The heroine has instant appeal and I can't wait to know more about her. The style is creative, interesting, and gives me that errie feeling that completely hooks me and makes me want to read more! Good luck.Chrissyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11625115685768680570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72485446552063761252010-07-15T11:21:48.755-04:002010-07-15T11:21:48.755-04:00Hooked!
I like the writing and descriptions. It h...Hooked!<br /><br />I like the writing and descriptions. It has perfect tone for MG.<br /><br />Good luck.Amy Kinzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10436166248133753017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58737797123950561772010-07-15T11:07:43.327-04:002010-07-15T11:07:43.327-04:00This one is a lot of fun. Creepy house, potential ...This one is a lot of fun. Creepy house, potential ghosts, a girl who misses her Mum and brother. What's not to like? I'd definitely read more here.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10012204985498958202010-07-15T02:59:08.206-04:002010-07-15T02:59:08.206-04:00Nice set up! You did a great job of making the ma...Nice set up! You did a great job of making the manor feel creepy, and I'm wondering why it's impossible for Mom and Sammy to be there. I would also like to have known why her and Dad are there, but I'm willing to wait a bit to find out.<br /><br />A few things - Perhaps say she walked up hand in hand with her father. It reads as if she's alone, and then Dad comes as a surprise.<br /><br />You have peeling plaster walls, and then a bit further down, they're red brick. Perhaps go with the brick<br /><br />When she wished Mum and Sammy could be there, have dad reply before the descriptive parg. <br />that way it's clear what he's replying to.<br /><br />And have the thunder runmble first, then have her squeeze dad's hand and jump. Right now, she jumping before the thunder.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91400434723586114972010-07-14T20:40:59.795-04:002010-07-14T20:40:59.795-04:00I liked the way you blended the characters' an...I liked the way you blended the characters' and dialogue into the discription.<br /><br />Nicely done. I'd keep reading.Trish Esdenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02049667128434033805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58642003185142249572010-07-14T17:37:11.138-04:002010-07-14T17:37:11.138-04:00This is lovely! I love the idea and the execution....This is lovely! I love the idea and the execution. Atmosphere is creepy. My only suggestion is to use a more vivid/uncommon verb for the first line to replace 'walked up'<br />Great job!Vermilionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62233675475351390442010-07-14T16:50:40.893-04:002010-07-14T16:50:40.893-04:00Can't find anything wrong with this one. The w...Can't find anything wrong with this one. The writing is smooth, the pacing is precise and your descriptions are oh so evocative. <br /><br />Hooked, lined and scared!T.D. McFrosthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12923335522993845076noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25774204538890744212010-07-14T14:04:45.058-04:002010-07-14T14:04:45.058-04:00I like that your descriptive writing makes the hou...I like that your descriptive writing makes the house feel like a character. Nice job evoking a "creepy" feeling. I wonder if you'd consider switching the third and fourth paragraphs, so the father's comment comes right behind Emily's? I was surprised to learn he was there with her; I'd been envisioning her by herself.<br /><br />The line about the drafts being ghosts was a bit awkward to me, but overall, very nice!Michelle L. Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18144191129362767115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25615897762242310202010-07-14T12:06:42.054-04:002010-07-14T12:06:42.054-04:00Cute. I really like this. The descriptions are gre...Cute. I really like this. The descriptions are great and you get a good sense of the character's personality and what she is feeling. I want to read more!Kathryn Packer Robertshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16506942804607936833noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79010795099587558722010-07-14T11:51:20.145-04:002010-07-14T11:51:20.145-04:00I'm hooked too.
Kids will eat this up. Love t...I'm hooked too.<br /><br />Kids will eat this up. Love the part about the shutters buckling in the wind. It gives a creepy feel.<br /><br />I can just sence how scared the little girl is. I would be too. Love the black crow.<br /><br />Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17296195159941148602010-07-14T10:14:32.647-04:002010-07-14T10:14:32.647-04:00Hooked.
Beautiful, descriptive writing here.
Wher...Hooked.<br />Beautiful, descriptive writing here. <br />Where you've put 'made her legs all wobbly' could perhaps be cut to - 'made her legs wobble.'<br />But a great piece. I would read more.<br /><br />Good luck!Ravenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201095217806362454noreply@blogger.com