tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4414610080076530196..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Sentence #32Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27006726752417074122013-06-28T03:40:38.390-04:002013-06-28T03:40:38.390-04:00Thank you for the yes's and the advice - I app...Thank you for the yes's and the advice - I appreciate all of it. I had to laugh at myself - I totally thought I made this line up and that there was no way it could be cliche lol!! That's what critique groups are for :) Thanks, again!Shiela Calderón Blankemeierhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05164253791139502033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84454164696819816642013-06-28T00:56:42.167-04:002013-06-28T00:56:42.167-04:00No--There's no hint of story here. You've...No--There's no hint of story here. You've given us an interesting statement, but that's all it is without context. The story could be about anything. I'm not drawn in.<br /><br />Perhaps consider starting with something that actually happens in the story.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45294277721547465122013-06-27T22:16:38.784-04:002013-06-27T22:16:38.784-04:00No: I've heard this saying quite a few times b...No: I've heard this saying quite a few times before. Lookinglassnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24187765063125081472013-06-27T22:06:19.342-04:002013-06-27T22:06:19.342-04:00Yes. Made me smile and gave a great sense of voice...Yes. Made me smile and gave a great sense of voice.KayChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16267506508468548195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6121555029337249222013-06-27T21:09:31.943-04:002013-06-27T21:09:31.943-04:00Yes. You've given us the character's voice...Yes. You've given us the character's voice right out of the gate.The Kranky Crowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03540879407267148397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75268069931398917812013-06-27T19:50:30.883-04:002013-06-27T19:50:30.883-04:00Yes. I'll bite.Yes. I'll bite.Bill Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12727407427730937429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62910415682725625372013-06-27T19:49:45.213-04:002013-06-27T19:49:45.213-04:00Yes. In one line I already know something importan...Yes. In one line I already know something important about the character.Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18613376098497618252013-06-27T18:51:57.067-04:002013-06-27T18:51:57.067-04:00Yes. This is a person who justifies his/her action...Yes. This is a person who justifies his/her actions and those are interesting characters to follow.Danielle La Pagliahttp://www.daniellelapaglia.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28040621512232318262013-06-27T18:14:49.605-04:002013-06-27T18:14:49.605-04:00Yes, but like KO, I'm troubled by the semi-col...Yes, but like KO, I'm troubled by the semi-colon. A dash would set off a short addition better. The semi-colon seems to call for a longer phrase, to make the sentence more balanced.<br /><br />I almost said no because I also don't care for philosophical statements at the beginning of the book. I gave it a pass because it's so short. But if the rest of the first paragraph is an extended musing on lying, acting, honesty, etc., I'd put the book down.amhogganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08831363893894165135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81263839960495094932013-06-27T17:54:30.094-04:002013-06-27T17:54:30.094-04:00YesYesAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43918441319537966342013-06-27T17:27:37.552-04:002013-06-27T17:27:37.552-04:00Yes! The voice is awesome. This opening defense le...Yes! The voice is awesome. This opening defense leaves me smiling and eager to read on.Ashley Walkernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84024459047900854022013-06-27T17:17:03.496-04:002013-06-27T17:17:03.496-04:00Yes. Would read on. A++Yes. Would read on. A++Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79995892817396354302013-06-27T16:32:09.065-04:002013-06-27T16:32:09.065-04:00Yes
Immediate insight into the thoughts of the MC....Yes<br />Immediate insight into the thoughts of the MC.Kennedynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91653357107694994762013-06-27T16:31:40.146-04:002013-06-27T16:31:40.146-04:00Yes. Awesome way to lay out voice and character an...Yes. Awesome way to lay out voice and character and setting. Leah Petersenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17668989627100455974noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20661211431058240022013-06-27T16:30:59.854-04:002013-06-27T16:30:59.854-04:00Yes. It makes me laugh... and it almost feels true...Yes. It makes me laugh... and it almost feels true. I would like to get to know this character for sure.Parkernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62729408614498224742013-06-27T16:16:31.873-04:002013-06-27T16:16:31.873-04:00No. Not a fan of opening with philosophical statem...No. Not a fan of opening with philosophical statements. It's telling not showing. MollyBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79066609947405666732013-06-27T16:13:07.153-04:002013-06-27T16:13:07.153-04:00Yes. I'm having mixed feelings about the semi-...Yes. I'm having mixed feelings about the semi-colon (em dash or separate sentence could be interesting, perhaps?), but I love the voice, and am intrigued about the character (makes me wonder if she'll be an unreliable narrator, and it makes me think she's quite dramatic/fun to read about). Also love the title.KOhttp://owlandsparrow.wordpress.com/current-projects/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79124536518820991972013-06-27T16:10:35.429-04:002013-06-27T16:10:35.429-04:00Yes. We leap right into your voice from the get-g...Yes. We leap right into your voice from the get-go.Chrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07768990128419496674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2782535993094811952013-06-27T16:08:57.410-04:002013-06-27T16:08:57.410-04:00YES. It really caught my attention and it sounds ...YES. It really caught my attention and it sounds like something my 12-year-old would say. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91936623587973302992013-06-27T15:24:07.284-04:002013-06-27T15:24:07.284-04:00Yes. I love the main character instantly. There...Yes. I love the main character instantly. There's going to be oh so much trouble!SueJayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14428582843087294011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14362243710989331002013-06-27T15:17:26.274-04:002013-06-27T15:17:26.274-04:00Yes. Your character is already justifying somethin...Yes. Your character is already justifying something we've been taught is wrong. So I want to know about his/her artistic expression. And why the MC is so defensive at the outset. C. R. Baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04627499155109943973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29627237354593061682013-06-27T15:09:36.494-04:002013-06-27T15:09:36.494-04:00Yes. Love the voice...and I giggled. :-)Yes. Love the voice...and I giggled. :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03842761852069023467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8028578463647094452013-06-27T14:34:15.176-04:002013-06-27T14:34:15.176-04:00Yes. You've given us a great glimpse into this...Yes. You've given us a great glimpse into this character's mind in just a few words. Sarah Floydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11202671048418865629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69362041722544609212013-06-27T14:11:33.686-04:002013-06-27T14:11:33.686-04:00No. Don't like the use of the cliched saying....No. Don't like the use of the cliched saying.McQuinnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90705654783292900922013-06-27T13:48:53.857-04:002013-06-27T13:48:53.857-04:00Yes, I love the voice here and I want to know more...Yes, I love the voice here and I want to know more.Patti Kurtzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09659519121533107736noreply@blogger.com