tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4657370536875656096..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: Logline Critique Round Two #25Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89519731926625944602012-10-12T06:48:33.702-04:002012-10-12T06:48:33.702-04:00Love it. I would read this book. In the interest o...Love it. I would read this book. In the interest of brevity, the logline could easily be cut. "Never been in a relationship, never had sex, never been loved. She feels...invisible" is about 3 times redundant."Judykinsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10878843481261984402012-10-11T21:10:05.058-04:002012-10-11T21:10:05.058-04:00 i was hooked at the title and think the premise i... i was hooked at the title and think the premise is great! sounds fun and like a feel-good read.misstantehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15020723763059484679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31826860271247389122012-10-11T09:10:21.049-04:002012-10-11T09:10:21.049-04:00I think it is enough to say that she has never bee...I think it is enough to say that she has never been in a relationship. The not having sex/not being in love part is kinda implied by this.<br /><br />Aside from that, you have an interesting setup but don't give us very much about the plot. Will this imaginary Meryl help her find love? Who or what will stop this from happening?<br /><br />Good luck!<br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40696934983234189342012-10-10T19:25:35.007-04:002012-10-10T19:25:35.007-04:00I enjoyed it and would definitely read. Sounds li...I enjoyed it and would definitely read. Sounds like a great story! S.A. Husseynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56814270105857682942012-10-10T07:52:13.749-04:002012-10-10T07:52:13.749-04:00"Blame it on Meryl" actually was my init..."Blame it on Meryl" actually was my initial title. :-) Then I changed it to get more interest. If I ever get an agent AND a publisher I'll leave it up to them to decide and deal with the legal issues.<br />Thanks again for all your feedback!! This is so helpful!littlebluenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65153001004735474902012-10-10T07:37:58.604-04:002012-10-10T07:37:58.604-04:00How about 'Blame it on Meryl'?How about 'Blame it on Meryl'?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52705663109046990222012-10-10T07:29:10.586-04:002012-10-10T07:29:10.586-04:00I loved this log line. You could call it Blame it ...I loved this log line. You could call it Blame it on the Actress or the Movie Star or something. Would still be fun.Kristen Wixtedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06270464973842125576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44237810856480477532012-10-09T18:21:57.146-04:002012-10-09T18:21:57.146-04:00Thank you all so much for your feedback! Some sugg...Thank you all so much for your feedback! Some suggestions are really great and I will definitely work on tightening the beginning.<br />Sorry for the grammar mistake/typo in the first sentence and thanks, David, for pointing it out!<br /><br />As for the legal issue ... according to an IP lawyer using Mamma Mia is fine, using Meryl Streep is a grey area, but apparently nothing to worry about unless I portray her in a wrongful, mean way, which I don’t. The only thing that's tricky is using her name in the title, but that’s easy to change, I think.<br /><br />Good luck to all of you!<br />littlebluenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91502566333418057052012-10-09T17:40:56.233-04:002012-10-09T17:40:56.233-04:00I love how different this is. It seems funny too....I love how different this is. It seems funny too.<br /><br />I think you could combine and simplify the first two sentences into one. JillHeidnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89444405238412333682012-10-09T15:53:49.815-04:002012-10-09T15:53:49.815-04:00I agree you might tighten in spots, but I love the...I agree you might tighten in spots, but I love the premise, and the last line is great. Makes me want to dive right in to the story.AnnieBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19226842077447958242012-10-09T14:47:19.238-04:002012-10-09T14:47:19.238-04:00You can have people in books - look at the Odd Tho...You can have people in books - look at the Odd Thomas series. <br /><br />I agree about the lyrics in a book being horrible legally speaking, other than that, I think with some streamlining, this could really stand out:)Feaky Snuckerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17481513779668517971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23580790665990555622012-10-09T14:43:43.138-04:002012-10-09T14:43:43.138-04:00I would also be worried about legalities of having...I would also be worried about legalities of having a fictional Meryl Streep in your book?A Little Pushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08081183739979996879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8026981962112861162012-10-09T14:19:23.343-04:002012-10-09T14:19:23.343-04:00I like the premise of this one. I also really lik...I like the premise of this one. I also really like your logline, it has a lot of voice. However, there's something about the first 2 sentences that's bugging me. It's a bit clunky.<br /><br />What about something like: "At age 28 Laura Sanders feels like an invisible woman: she can't even catch a guy's eye, let alone his his heart. But when..."<br /><br />Just a thought. K Callardnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7022771821736697172012-10-09T13:47:33.263-04:002012-10-09T13:47:33.263-04:00This sounds like a fun story, and I love "but...This sounds like a fun story, and I love "but so what? Sometimes you have to lose yourself in a fantasy to fix your reality."<br /><br />In the opening sentence "...has never had been..." should probably be "...has never been...".David B Goodehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14690703660150173981noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38907391378343214482012-10-09T13:09:07.625-04:002012-10-09T13:09:07.625-04:00I love the premise too! I think you can shorten th...I love the premise too! I think you can shorten the beginning and keep the punchy end. Something like:<br /><br />At age 28 Laura Sanders has never [] been loved. [] But when she watches...Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81658691676486751032012-10-09T12:59:00.588-04:002012-10-09T12:59:00.588-04:00I love this premise. It sounds endearing and hila...I love this premise. It sounds endearing and hilarious. I don't think there would be any legal issues using Meryl Streep or mentioning Mama Mia, as long as you don't quote any actual lines from the movie OR ABBA song lyrics. Song lyrics will land you in deep you-know-what.<br /><br />The only thing that would make it better to me would be to work on your economy of words. If you say the same things but clean it up a little, it will really pop!katecwritesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39525790947127276872012-10-09T12:25:43.766-04:002012-10-09T12:25:43.766-04:00I love the premise of an adult with an imaginary f...I love the premise of an adult with an imaginary friend who helps her find her way to the live she's never had the confidence to live. <br /><br />I am not sure about the legality of her new mentor actually being Meryl Streep. Same with mentioning Mamma Mia.<br /><br />Laura Sanders has never had the confidence she needed to live life to the fullest, but, an imaginary friend inspired by a movie helps her navigate her way to the life she always wanted.ewoklovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08115603537616212149noreply@blogger.com