tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4688611256387972454..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #19Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16335210407472734972013-01-20T14:27:02.533-05:002013-01-20T14:27:02.533-05:00I like the concept, and the tension that you’ve se...I like the concept, and the tension that you’ve set up. I like a modern voice in a non-modern setting; however, I think that you are too focused on the voice and talking to the reader, at the expense of giving us context for the story. Phrases like “excuse me while I gag” are a bit over the top. I wonder if taking it out of the journal format might help in that regard. I’m hooked, though. You’ve left me wondering what’s going to happen.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13752061802933970042013-01-19T14:42:26.592-05:002013-01-19T14:42:26.592-05:00I really like the voice, this is a lot of fun. How...I really like the voice, this is a lot of fun. However I think in enjoying yourself writing this particular voice, you've made this first page a bit confusing. Don't get so into the voice that you forget that the reader needs to be grounded at the beginning of a novel. <br /><br />I got lost with the King, and the King's nephew, and Alistair (is he the King or the King's nephew or someone else entirely?)<br /><br />If you just clarified all of this a touch more, I'd certainly read on.Tatum Flynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00074228011847976820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32465338351519613412013-01-18T04:32:24.966-05:002013-01-18T04:32:24.966-05:00I kind of liked her voice and attitude, but I did ...I kind of liked her voice and attitude, but I did think it went on too long. I want the story more than I want her snarkiness and sarcasm. And considering this is a time of Kings and Princesses, perhaps drop the more modern day words. She can still be sarcastic in a more medieval way, and it'll probably be funnier because it will be unique.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2434111500304679382013-01-16T23:05:22.474-05:002013-01-16T23:05:22.474-05:00Ah, the subjectiveness...
I like the voice. (IMO,...Ah, the subjectiveness...<br /><br />I like the voice. (IMO, it's unfair to judge a voice as "unfit" by only the first 250 words.)But since you refer to a kingdom...It might be worth inventing other phraseology as part of your worldbuilding. Example: Instead of using "twit" come up with a unique name that's clear to the reader what you mean by inference. Tricky..but worth it.Rewrighternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15152969557545906312013-01-16T22:53:30.338-05:002013-01-16T22:53:30.338-05:00I'm torn. On the one hand, I like that the MC ...I'm torn. On the one hand, I like that the MC has a distinct voice. But on the other hand, I don't think her voice fits the situation. I'm also not a big fan of using journal entries to tell a story. I'd rather live in the moment with the characters.Just Another YA Authornoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59883646424325240122013-01-16T16:10:25.846-05:002013-01-16T16:10:25.846-05:00If the MC is "writing" this in a journal...If the MC is "writing" this in a journal would she write "uh"? Maybe it could say sort of failed my test.<br /><br />The voice is a bit snippy which doesn't faze me one way or the other until we see if she is a brat through the whole book. I like the image of the double moons, it sets up a nice sense of the world.Sumbeenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71953489084759912082013-01-16T14:38:52.736-05:002013-01-16T14:38:52.736-05:00I'm not a huge fan of the voice - I like an ir...I'm not a huge fan of the voice - I like an irreverent MC, but I feel like her voice is just a bit too contemporary. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50806109311884301262013-01-16T13:26:38.959-05:002013-01-16T13:26:38.959-05:00I love the voice here! Love the humor, the sarcasm...I love the voice here! Love the humor, the sarcasm. I would read on just for that, but you've got a good mix of tension as well, with a death in the royal family and the MC's unwilling involvement in the whole thing and his (her? sorry, it's sometimes hard to tell with such a short sample!) attraction to the king. I like it :)Nathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09877868925616117007noreply@blogger.com