tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post4725567031537206858..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: 15 Women's FictionAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20160770388913389512010-03-26T22:21:50.794-04:002010-03-26T22:21:50.794-04:00Not really hooked, sorry. Could be a genre thing.Not really hooked, sorry. Could be a genre thing.Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37136653865915377102010-03-25T16:10:07.646-04:002010-03-25T16:10:07.646-04:00Agree with sentence rearranging, but hooked either...Agree with sentence rearranging, but hooked either way.Carol Newman Croninhttp://www.carolnewmancronin.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77259890261107827972010-03-25T15:44:14.238-04:002010-03-25T15:44:14.238-04:00I agree with the suggestion others have made about...I agree with the suggestion others have made about taking the last sentence and inserting it as the first. Also, I feel like her thoughts should be in present tense, not past (or maybe remove the italics so that change doesn't have to be made).<br /><br />Nonetheless, I was definitely hooked. (:MKnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64214189381396289722010-03-25T15:24:29.784-04:002010-03-25T15:24:29.784-04:00I like it, but might even cut out the first senten...I like it, but might even cut out the first sentence. It has potential, but you can do better.Susan B-Khttp://www.susanbkason.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43197961497028453512010-03-25T14:05:56.383-04:002010-03-25T14:05:56.383-04:00Sorta hooked. My comments rehash what's alread...Sorta hooked. My comments rehash what's already been said: last sentence as the hook, one question only (where was he?), and maybe she doesn't slam the phone downSophianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33596029314239545362010-03-25T13:50:32.160-04:002010-03-25T13:50:32.160-04:00I also agree that the last line might make a bette...I also agree that the last line might make a better first line. I would continue reading.Melissa Sarnohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11215683401795724259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62871820738462033302010-03-25T12:26:52.680-04:002010-03-25T12:26:52.680-04:00Not hooked. She's expecting a romantic evening...Not hooked. She's expecting a romantic evening (I would assume it's with someone she cares about) and he doesn't show, and she's pissed off instead of worried. I immediately don't like her.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28291853279108850852010-03-25T12:26:50.880-04:002010-03-25T12:26:50.880-04:00I agree with Amy Sue Nathan. The last sentence wo...I agree with Amy Sue Nathan. The last sentence would be a great first sentence.Jessica L. Brooks (coffeelvnmom)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17524862571932528710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33253054140263297692010-03-25T11:21:22.097-04:002010-03-25T11:21:22.097-04:00I think your third sentence is your hook. I'd ...I think your third sentence is your hook. I'd rearrange for maximum effect. <br /><br />The last candle sputtered out, officially killing Faith's romantic evening. She slammed down the phone. Where was he and why wasn't he answering?Amy Sue Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13854920309673361956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47374563349630231322010-03-25T11:07:07.901-04:002010-03-25T11:07:07.901-04:00Hooked!Hooked!Lauriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05054086165490704114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60422882227065424612010-03-25T10:39:53.741-04:002010-03-25T10:39:53.741-04:00Mildly hooked. I'd read on.Mildly hooked. I'd read on.Deb Smythenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29414607581071894932010-03-25T10:22:40.376-04:002010-03-25T10:22:40.376-04:00I kinda am hooked.
Only nitpic (sorry, backseat w...I kinda am hooked.<br /><br />Only nitpic (sorry, backseat writer) is the two questions. I'd settle with one (Why wasn't he answering?) and maybe work the other one in elsewhere.Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69774402270210871252010-03-25T10:08:16.549-04:002010-03-25T10:08:16.549-04:00i like it.i like it.Momwomannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56865764570972657202010-03-25T09:50:18.416-04:002010-03-25T09:50:18.416-04:00I'd read on.I'd read on.fairchildnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90742517010531242832010-03-25T09:46:19.976-04:002010-03-25T09:46:19.976-04:00Kinda hooked. I'd probably read on because of...Kinda hooked. I'd probably read on because of the last line.Juli Page Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17269486506169141680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46063749827631592092010-03-25T09:34:42.457-04:002010-03-25T09:34:42.457-04:00I'd read to see where it went.
Faith is a pop...I'd read to see where it went.<br /><br />Faith is a popular name for this round.Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796496740054225283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28730881224268824462010-03-25T09:33:51.172-04:002010-03-25T09:33:51.172-04:00Not my genre either, but I liked this. I'd pro...Not my genre either, but I liked this. I'd probably read on a little bit.Selestialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11513212631394350304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14435209088743215352010-03-25T09:25:55.877-04:002010-03-25T09:25:55.877-04:00Not my genre...but I'm hookedNot my genre...but I'm hookedangelarenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13639436719051155045noreply@blogger.com