tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5012779552034786199..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: February Secret Agent #29Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59451382935969072602011-02-10T22:29:49.749-05:002011-02-10T22:29:49.749-05:00Good voice for middle grade. I got a sense of who ...Good voice for middle grade. I got a sense of who she was immediately. I like the idea of her sneaking out to see her horse and the conflict she has with her stepsister. <br /><br />I'd read on but hope we get out of the house soon.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2310967284562431462011-02-10T18:25:26.296-05:002011-02-10T18:25:26.296-05:00Oh, very nice. Excellent MG voice and premise. &qu...Oh, very nice. Excellent MG voice and premise. "You almost made me drop the pickles!" had me laughing at the randomness and yet perfect pique of it from Miss Perfect. :) Well done!BetsyNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05071298056178500121noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11184294085420507882011-02-10T10:15:11.615-05:002011-02-10T10:15:11.615-05:00I love this! And I love the parents in the backgro...I love this! And I love the parents in the background with their game show. I definitely felt the family dynamics.Mandy P.S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02453249544598951624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80554209676549963492011-02-10T01:02:16.569-05:002011-02-10T01:02:16.569-05:00I liked this and thought it was done pretty well. ...I liked this and thought it was done pretty well. The second last parg is an info dump. Don't have her explain the situation. Use dialogue someone would use in that situation. Charlotte would know what she was talking about. <br /><br />It's an easy enough fix, as is the POV slip. ANd you might want to work in if Charlotte is older or younger than her. I'd read more.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50648518000430427262011-02-09T20:38:00.883-05:002011-02-09T20:38:00.883-05:00I agree with Michael, with the head-hopping.
I li...I agree with Michael, with the head-hopping.<br /><br />I liked the first half then I got bored. I would have liked a bit more.<br /><br />I did like your voice.Michael Di Gesuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17047267262428143113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50526781690055125052011-02-09T19:25:01.812-05:002011-02-09T19:25:01.812-05:00I like the beginning of this and I'm with the ...I like the beginning of this and I'm with the MC all the way as she tries to sneak out, short staccato sentences and all!<br /><br />"Charlotte saw the boots in Lucy's hand," is a head-hop. Find a way to keep this in Lucy's POV here.<br /><br />And "my horse was supposed to arrive," is a case of dialogue to impart info. What would she really say? "Please, Charlotte. I have to see him,"? Better yet, impart a character trait. "You're not going to stop me," or something like that. Wring every ounce of conflict you can from your dialogue.<br /><br />I would read on to see what happens next, but I would hope you would up the ante pretty soon.Michael G-Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07947421844294471304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16826680492228621752011-02-09T18:18:40.257-05:002011-02-09T18:18:40.257-05:00I love the Title and your excerpt. You manage to c...I love the Title and your excerpt. You manage to cover the inciting incident, her relationship with little Miss Perfect. Her parents are even developed, and you nailed the voice. But most important of all, the pickles made me hungry, hungry for more.<br /><br />I'd read on if I'd ever read MG.RW Richardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08473786472219141232noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76004279326476524212011-02-09T16:06:05.326-05:002011-02-09T16:06:05.326-05:00"My horse was supposed to arrive at Miss Mary..."My horse was supposed to arrive at Miss Mary Jo's barn an hour ago. I have to see him, Charlotte! My very own horse!"<br /><br />This reads like you, the writer, trying to impart information to the reader, rather than what one girl would say to another in this situation.Sara J. Henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16145626175256433448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20465169274672682192011-02-09T14:42:35.237-05:002011-02-09T14:42:35.237-05:00I agree- you've got the MG voice. I love this ...I agree- you've got the MG voice. I love this girl and Miss Matchypants is already annoying. Great job connecting the reader to the characters with a few words.Brigetta Schwaigerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15160073455357316887noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18943323700681179702011-02-09T14:23:49.053-05:002011-02-09T14:23:49.053-05:00I like this--you capture the MG voice well. I wou...I like this--you capture the MG voice well. I would read on.Ann Brysonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06003635203935638760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70084809381756284562011-02-09T13:59:43.746-05:002011-02-09T13:59:43.746-05:00Nice set-up. Love the imagery of the pickles. Alre...Nice set-up. Love the imagery of the pickles. Already empathetic toward the girl trying to sneak out.Mary E Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13119298615414367828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21439254602841796042011-02-09T10:40:25.475-05:002011-02-09T10:40:25.475-05:00Love, love, love this! I'm right there with Lu...Love, love, love this! I'm right there with Lucy, feeling the excitement of sneaking out and being annoyed with Miss Perfect. Great middle grade voices here :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14121018905141253640noreply@blogger.com