tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5311147421377540004..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #48Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68212448141355138552019-01-31T11:58:32.727-05:002019-01-31T11:58:32.727-05:00INSTEAD OF GETTING A LOAN,, I GOT SOMETHING NEW
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The divergence ...I think the writing is very solid.<br />The divergence to wolves and bats and owls, etc., was a bit distracting for me. <br />If she’s panicking, why does she have time to make a silly “may he be reincarnated as a chamber pot” aside? It almost sounds like a joke, and we only find out later that his attack was actually quite serious. <br />Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91756316225070606492019-01-25T21:21:09.006-05:002019-01-25T21:21:09.006-05:00I feel like stories beginning with someone running...I feel like stories beginning with someone running through a forest to get away from something is very, very common. <br /><br />Your character is interesting but it would be cool to see something other than on the run and thinking back to her captivity. <br /><br />Your descriptions are vivid though. AMYnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79447959893014670302019-01-24T20:02:30.860-05:002019-01-24T20:02:30.860-05:00This is an exciting start, with a great premise, b...This is an exciting start, with a great premise, but I feel there is more telling than showing. And it also seems a little disjointed- you go from an escape, to mentioning wolves, to telling a background story in succession. Try slowing down the pace a little, and saving the backstory to sprinkle throughout the rest of your tale.MBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90197717629985288972019-01-24T09:33:59.031-05:002019-01-24T09:33:59.031-05:00This seems like a really strong premise, but the l...This seems like a really strong premise, but the last four paragraphs are backstory. Maybe if you started a little earlier, like with her escaping from the witchfinder and then moving to her fleeing through the forest. The story is engaging and I like the little details, like Mad Gill selling sausages. I'd like to see that happening in real time, not as backstory and see her reaction to that occurring. This definitely has promise.Dustinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72010424014606339362019-01-23T19:37:31.345-05:002019-01-23T19:37:31.345-05:00I'm intrigued! I like the high stakes right up...I'm intrigued! I like the high stakes right up front and there were lots of little tidbits to further catch my interest (e.g., witchfinders, red-eyed wolves, the fact that her mother was eaten by wolves). There might be some room to add a few more sensory details to immerse readers in what Ebba's feeling, but I'd read further. :)Rebeccanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21863184974244132942019-01-23T18:27:16.519-05:002019-01-23T18:27:16.519-05:00I'm pretty sure internal dialogue is treated t...I'm pretty sure internal dialogue is treated the same as regular dialogue in that it gets its own paragraph. That being said, this is all really good. I was a little confused about her worrying the witchfinder would wake up if she went back. Sounds like he was in the process of dunking her in the water when she escaped. Not sure how he's sleeping now. Intriguing story. Nice way to casually tell what happened to her mother.Betsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172083170208857228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66035881509467773222019-01-23T17:51:21.371-05:002019-01-23T17:51:21.371-05:00Great intro! I feel like I'm up to speed about...Great intro! I feel like I'm up to speed about what's going on. <br /><br />Some people say they don't like openings with the weather/moon in them, but I personally don't mind and I like the moonless night opening line.<br /><br />Maybe it would be nice to have more physical actions, like "She shook her head and started to run again. No, she wasn’t going back."<br /><br />Very exciting and I want to find out more!<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01304433447845764528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44311365287409253232019-01-23T11:49:57.507-05:002019-01-23T11:49:57.507-05:00I love how this starts with action. Lots of great ...I love how this starts with action. Lots of great sensory details-- her soaked dress, the sound of the wolves, the smell of sausages. Those details really pull me into the story.<br /><br />Right away I get the genre of fantasy. I also get the stakes-- she's running for her life. So good job getting those in there right from the start.<br /><br />I also liked how you gave us some sense of the things the witchfinder was doing to her and why she couldn't go back for food or a weapon. It's a nice way to weave in backstory without dumping it on the reader.<br /><br />I kind of want a little stronger sense of her fear and pain. When she thinks about the things they did to her, she feels very objective, almost stoic about it. Maybe give us a brief sense of the pain in her cheek when he stuck the pins in or how she dealt with the pain. It doesn't need to be long--just a sentence or so.<br /><br />The same is true when she thinks about the wolves-- again, maybe show us her fear a bit more so that her choice to keep running towards this danger feels like it has high stakes as well as the possibility of going back.<br /><br />Great start though.<br /><br />Patti J. Kurtzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10633969014733589224noreply@blogger.com