tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post532265672029233280..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Drop the Needle #8Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18886754165643389222012-01-16T02:10:43.621-05:002012-01-16T02:10:43.621-05:00I would totally read this, but I thought about the...I would totally read this, but I thought about the whispering/ loud gymn, too.<br /><br /> And I think radio antenna is good, because plain antenna makes me think of feelers, like an ant.Mary Jane Hathawayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17996627730074514978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31374945638323865422012-01-13T10:39:46.593-05:002012-01-13T10:39:46.593-05:00Others have made helpful comments, so I just want ...Others have made helpful comments, so I just want to add that I like this concept, and I love that she refers to herself as a radio antenna. I'm just wondering if simply antenna would do the job.Cordelia Dinsmorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10704456269484202163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10394711612143904122012-01-13T06:47:50.820-05:002012-01-13T06:47:50.820-05:00Thanks for the helpful comments. I have been busy ...Thanks for the helpful comments. I have been busy revising based on them. Janice, thanks for pointing out that it would indeed be LOUD in a school gym during a dance. I missed that!MPHnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26705301901920986522012-01-12T22:21:05.959-05:002012-01-12T22:21:05.959-05:00I like this!
If you mentioned a slow song (any f...I like this! <br /><br />If you mentioned a slow song (any familiar song) it would put me in the scene more.<br /><br />Good luck!Dana Ehttp://momslifeponderings.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20122494817424749622012-01-12T11:14:20.964-05:002012-01-12T11:14:20.964-05:00I like this concept.
I would change "My bo...I like this concept. <br /><br />I would change "My body jerked to I jerked." It gives a bit of an out of body feeling.<br /><br />And ditto to the previous comment on ly words.<br /><br />If they are at a school dance, could they hear each other whispering with all the loud music?Janice Sperryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00178805752960449557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14835932394396593222012-01-12T10:48:17.640-05:002012-01-12T10:48:17.640-05:00Just a few minor tweaks to suggest.
"I lied,...Just a few minor tweaks to suggest.<br /><br />"I lied, looking to escape this whole screwy scene."<br /><br />Don't tell us she's lying. We would know it (I assume) by the surrounding scene.<br /><br />Watch out for too many -ly words as they weaken the prose (annoyingly, softly, etc).<br /><br />“Don’t worry.” He whispered again in my ear, sending warm shivers down my body. “I’m one, too.” <br /><br />That should be "Don't worry," he whispered...<br /><br />Intriguing concept!KimberlyFDRhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01969245120222671022noreply@blogger.com