tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5341619189754476440..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Middle Grade #34Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80178249810398119762016-05-03T19:29:18.599-04:002016-05-03T19:29:18.599-04:00Thanks. It gives me something to think about. Now ...Thanks. It gives me something to think about. Now how could I....<br /><br />Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08558222662905520768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31114301814059807172016-05-03T19:28:22.590-04:002016-05-03T19:28:22.590-04:00Thanks. That's what I was aiming for.Thanks. That's what I was aiming for.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08558222662905520768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-720050336355747562016-05-03T19:27:47.323-04:002016-05-03T19:27:47.323-04:00Thanks for your comments.Thanks for your comments.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08558222662905520768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1599882823323008862016-05-03T19:26:37.860-04:002016-05-03T19:26:37.860-04:00Thanks so much.Thanks so much.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08558222662905520768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71045524353235078912016-05-03T19:26:00.170-04:002016-05-03T19:26:00.170-04:00Good comments. Thanks.Good comments. Thanks.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08558222662905520768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47417777110296994512016-05-03T19:25:25.186-04:002016-05-03T19:25:25.186-04:00Thanks. Blurbs are always tricky.Thanks. Blurbs are always tricky.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08558222662905520768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75336595871677202322016-05-03T19:24:25.386-04:002016-05-03T19:24:25.386-04:00Thanks so much. Tense tenses, for sure.Thanks so much. Tense tenses, for sure.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08558222662905520768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47573000088660558622016-05-03T19:23:43.807-04:002016-05-03T19:23:43.807-04:00Thanks for your comments. It all helps.Thanks for your comments. It all helps.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08558222662905520768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29476747762091854902016-04-30T14:59:51.039-04:002016-04-30T14:59:51.039-04:00This sounds like so much fun! And your voice is sp...This sounds like so much fun! And your voice is spot on. The only thing I noticed that you might want to change a bit is the 3rd to last and 2nd to last paragraphs feel like all telling a bit too soon, and I think you could use your voice and humor to show this and it would draw the reader in even more.<br /><br />Best of luck as you move forward with this!<br />Jamie - Entry #35Jamie Krakoverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16808802721340647047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45286893096711753832016-04-29T09:09:09.800-04:002016-04-29T09:09:09.800-04:00Could be fun to have "Wouldn't it be awes...Could be fun to have "Wouldn't it be awesome to meet a real alien" as your first line. <br /><br />Nice work on the voice. Feels like two buddies hanging out and getting creative with their time.Mark Holtzenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17951708881333152501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65124174753194908212016-04-28T23:33:04.398-04:002016-04-28T23:33:04.398-04:00I really liked this entry. Everything about it ha...I really liked this entry. Everything about it had me hooked. The humor was organic and the voice spot on. Good entry. I would read on.Rick Wheelerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14974997043309087338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74973926866349414412016-04-28T18:10:19.547-04:002016-04-28T18:10:19.547-04:00Loved this! You might not need "3-way" s...Loved this! You might not need "3-way" socket, but the bit about blacking out Spokane was perfect.<br />Not sure about "eggs me on" as being modern kid, but the Dares list was also awesome.GSMarlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17558162486383585621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54563522622556827572016-04-28T18:10:15.752-04:002016-04-28T18:10:15.752-04:00Loved this! You might not need "3-way" s...Loved this! You might not need "3-way" socket, but the bit about blacking out Spokane was perfect.<br />Not sure about "eggs me on" as being modern kid, but the Dares list was also awesome.GSMarlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17558162486383585621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35724150481345247542016-04-28T13:30:28.783-04:002016-04-28T13:30:28.783-04:00First off, I liked this and would continue reading...First off, I liked this and would continue reading. I have no real complaint. I liked the voice. I like to look for things an eleven year old would never say, references to Mayberry RFD for instance. I questioned briefly the line “I looked like you could plug me into a three-way socket and blow some serious fuses. Maybe black out half of Spokane.” But decided that this works, assuming the kid is kind of smart and geeky, which I assume he is. <br /><br />In the blurb I would say that the girl does not need to be named, but more importantly, why do the kids think they have to fix things. I’d simply run the other way, myself. What draws them to be heroic?<br /><br />Thanks for the fun read<br />Scottnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7522805469389526352016-04-28T11:26:07.439-04:002016-04-28T11:26:07.439-04:00I agree about the caper. This sounds like a great ...I agree about the caper. This sounds like a great one! Adjusting the colander so he can glare is so vivid. The voice sounds good to me. If anything, I noticed the verb tenses seemed a little more complicated than necessary. "I had lost the toss,"--I lost the toss might work. "This dare wouldn't even have made our Top Ten Crazy Dares list."--I wasn't sure when this list fell in story timeline. Then another time shift at the end. Is it possible to simplify so that the tenses are simpler? Might make it even funnier than it already is. Fun!Laurel Decherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11699070369117023496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8368764292424092772016-04-28T11:02:19.374-04:002016-04-28T11:02:19.374-04:00You had me at "caper". I like how much y...You had me at "caper". I like how much you packed into your log line. I knew before I read a single word of the first page that this would be funny. And it was. The voice and situation felt very MG, with the MC on the cusp between self-awareness and ridiculous stunts. Great details and dialog all the way through. My only suggestion for revision would be to re-examine the end, where you begin a flashback. It stops the action you've just (wonderfully) set into motion. All in all, I enjoyed this greatly and would totally read more.Mama Chainoreply@blogger.com