tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5436163833354838375..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? #4Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11011111624087351272021-10-09T17:20:47.534-04:002021-10-09T17:20:47.534-04:00One of the best decision i ever made was contactin...One of the best decision i ever made was contacting Dr Otonokpo to help me get my lover back, I was life filled with happiness after i contacted Dr Otonokpo because he didn't just bring my lover back to me he also made our love for each other more unique and superb. 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I just want to say a big thank you to<br /><br />SUPERIOR.HACK@GMAIL.COM . am sure someone out there is looking for how to solve his relationship problems, you can also contact him for all sorts of hacking job..he is fast and reliable. you could also text +1 213-295-1376(whatsapp) contact and thank me later<br /><br />doronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02812500359565371916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64803996508125283002021-03-02T21:01:37.409-05:002021-03-02T21:01:37.409-05:00A girl with a large pet bird is interesting, and I...A girl with a large pet bird is interesting, and I love how you choose words to reflect the scene/ characters- e.g. Rook, used to the "squalls" etc. You've got tension and a potentially interesting MC - I like the splat of rain on Rook - hints of trouble to come. I would read on. However, I got confused about where the characters were in the scene - is Rook sitting on the couch, leaning on the back and looking out the window? I also got confused by Mom's reflection in the boarded up window. I'd try to make that more clear. Also, the opening sentence is passive and a bit clunky - you want something strong and succinct to open. Could you flip it so that Rook is the subject in the second part, instead of the storm? (e.g. The hurricane raged outside, but Rook wanted to escape the one brewing inside." Great job and good luck with your piece!Julia Tomiakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17999070457191845503noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26625160859869183492021-03-02T00:25:09.668-05:002021-03-02T00:25:09.668-05:00It sounds MG, so that's good. I really like th...It sounds MG, so that's good. I really like the last line. You say something about seeing Mom reflected in the window, but you also said the window was boarded up. I'm guessing the issue is that Mom is going to make Rook get rid of Orion? Too early to know for sure. I hope we get to find out how much Orion means to Rook soon.Betsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172083170208857228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3256057828344636132021-03-01T18:15:55.333-05:002021-03-01T18:15:55.333-05:00The hook isn't quite set. Opening a book with ...The hook isn't quite set. Opening a book with a storm rather begs for drama and action, and the paragraphs that follow aren't quite measuring up to that promise. I'd read a little bit more, but I'm really looking for the tension to amp right up. Allisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10188474070904078538noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31480996287480451732021-03-01T17:56:00.950-05:002021-03-01T17:56:00.950-05:00There's potential here, but the narrator is te...There's potential here, but the narrator is telling me there's an argument happening and I'm not really seeing it, so that's a disconnect. It feels a little more "slice of life" than a hook into a story. There's some good writing, but it's not grabbing just yet.WAWhttp://wadealbertwhite.ca/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39595976423957510122021-03-01T16:41:48.733-05:002021-03-01T16:41:48.733-05:00Great premise, I was a bit confused about how calm...Great premise, I was a bit confused about how calm they were in the storm but their conflict is spot on. Like the use of bird imagery as well, like "pecking." Last line is great. I'd definitely read on; I want to know what happens to Orion. I'm hooked! Bizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00302842803781706494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91973307405197609242021-03-01T16:17:19.215-05:002021-03-01T16:17:19.215-05:00Ooh! Gotta love a girl with a pet falcon! Must adm...Ooh! Gotta love a girl with a pet falcon! Must admit I found the staging hard to follow and visualize. Perhaps let us know she's kneeling on the couch to look out the window? Not sure how Mom can be reflected in the window if it's covered up by the plywood. I enjoy the juxtaposition of the tension between Mom and Rook and their nonchalance about the hurricane intriguing. Great verb choices, too.<br /><br />I'd read on.Bonnie Staringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15617661715759556106noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33430586341037918362021-03-01T13:42:33.917-05:002021-03-01T13:42:33.917-05:00I'd read on. The interactions are well done. I...I'd read on. The interactions are well done. I wasn't sure why she slammed her arms down. It seems more angry than annoyed. I did stumble over "Mom, reflected in the window,<br />hunched over the kitchen table."H. R. Sinclairhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06715450637785127208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76798592911506622982021-03-01T13:07:11.263-05:002021-03-01T13:07:11.263-05:00I love the idea of a MG falconer main character! I...I love the idea of a MG falconer main character! I also like the tension immediately introduced - sounds like Mom wants to send Orion away, and Rook is not going to stand for that. I did feel a little confused about the setting. If there's truly a hurricane at that moment, I doubt Rook and Mom would be sitting around calmly discussing the birds and fixing a radio. I also wasn't sure why Rook was slamming her arms on the couch. That action felt kind of aggressive in the moment, when nothing had happened for Rook to react to. I'd read on to see what's going to happen to Orion and what Rook is going to do!JKOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11037801818858013252noreply@blogger.com