tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5456226710096280943..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: May Secret Agent #15Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-841016760987882702015-05-22T17:07:53.507-04:002015-05-22T17:07:53.507-04:00I enjoyed this; seems cute!
Be careful with pers...I enjoyed this; seems cute! <br /><br />Be careful with perspective, especially with this: This morning our fine gentleman.... <br /><br />Also, I'm not sure about Naughty Mary -- the "naughty" feels leading. Her behavior seems naughty enough and your reader will pick up on this. <br /><br />Nice work! I would keep reading. <br />Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87061793634214006452015-05-21T14:09:43.751-04:002015-05-21T14:09:43.751-04:00I love this idea and was interested in the story f...I love this idea and was interested in the story from the first paragraph, where you paint a vivid picture of the scene. <br /><br />I agree that the point of view shift from a narrator to the dog is a little jarring, and that you could introduce more personality into the dialogue. <br /><br />The voice seems appropriate for MG, and my favorite line is that Lord Tennyson called her Honey because that's what Mr. McNiff called her. Cute! And your title is very clever. Nice job!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16649941255146394317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37894454541390868092015-05-20T18:28:22.575-04:002015-05-20T18:28:22.575-04:00I like the writing but really, talking animals cre...I like the writing but really, talking animals creep me out unless it is scifi where you expect weird and then they're usually side characters and not the MCJulie Butcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15055134290787317245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91502480424548494892015-05-20T13:23:21.909-04:002015-05-20T13:23:21.909-04:00I should say up front that I pretty much don't...I should say up front that I pretty much don't read any book with animals, but I like the dog/nanny idea (make sure you don't let it become cliche).<br /><br />The dialog does not show much about the personalities involved. You may want to consider having them talk other than "hey" and "ow", so that we learn more about them or about where they are headed on the trip.S.D.Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05707682524268581476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3155705548994596062015-05-20T12:08:26.672-04:002015-05-20T12:08:26.672-04:00The first paragraph is a little confusing to me. ...The first paragraph is a little confusing to me. The rest of the piece seems to be from the point of view of the dog. Perhaps the story could begin with the same point of view? Something like, "My name is Lord Tennyson and I am a rather spectacular dog......" Just a thought. I'd be please to hear more of Lord Tennyson's adventures with the children. <br />cindy norrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14097979213743065308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60866593739134185442015-05-20T12:07:25.736-04:002015-05-20T12:07:25.736-04:00The first paragraph is a little confusing to me. ...The first paragraph is a little confusing to me. The rest of the piece seems to be from the point of view of the dog. Perhaps the story could begin with the same point of view? Something like, "My name is Lord Tennyson and I am a rather spectacular dog......" Just a thought. I'd be please to hear more of Lord Tennyson's adventures with the children. <br />cindy norrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14097979213743065308noreply@blogger.com