tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5478367527691358837..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Adult Genre Fiction #12Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32037711666941935112016-05-18T14:12:41.805-04:002016-05-18T14:12:41.805-04:00Your sample starts out with a great opener, a grea...Your sample starts out with a great opener, a great visual, but I feel very disconnected from it all. There's a lot of action packed into the opening, but not enough exposition or internal monologue for me to connect to Elana and want to keep reading. Why should I worry about the toy shop and Elana? I gather we're supposed to care about what's going on, but right now I feel as though I'm hovering above it all without really taking it all in and connecting. Katienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3070914460394422602016-05-16T18:25:40.128-04:002016-05-16T18:25:40.128-04:00Ah good point - well innocent subjects also have m...Ah good point - well innocent subjects also have magic and taking it away would destroy them.<br /><br />I will try and get in more details about the world. Thank you for the adviceUtsavhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03433651206976393579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38710929247447787902016-05-16T18:24:01.240-04:002016-05-16T18:24:01.240-04:00Thank you for the kind words. World building comes...Thank you for the kind words. World building comes in slightly after the first 250 in my story but your point is well taken.Utsavhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03433651206976393579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61784497504828594032016-05-16T16:30:45.887-04:002016-05-16T16:30:45.887-04:00The logline seems to have all the right pieces the...The logline seems to have all the right pieces there, but I am left wondering: how would magic destroy innocent subjects?<br /><br />Your opening is certainly full of tension, but you could spend more time getting us settled a bit in the toyshop before burning it down. I feel too launched into action without getting a good sense of place and character. You don't need much but it could go a long way. Good luck!Angie Spotohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04523991502845554450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45156924477003917492016-05-16T16:29:16.210-04:002016-05-16T16:29:16.210-04:00First thought: "Snap...what the heck is going...First thought: "Snap...what the heck is going on?" <br />Therefore, yes, I am hooked and want to read more. I'm interested in the baby she's clutching so tightly. Dima has me intrigued. And Hogarth talking about Samuise's body turning to ice has me sold. I love a good fantasy story with lots of magic. You're obviously a good writer. I just think you could work a bit of more detail into your world building to create a better illustration. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03842761852069023467noreply@blogger.com