tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5480513537850651275..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #3Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90546593101925746812013-03-29T14:51:08.401-04:002013-03-29T14:51:08.401-04:00You write nice prose and I like the opening paragr...You write nice prose and I like the opening paragraph.<br /><br />But I feel like this scene jumps around too much between ideas. I've barely gotten to know Cilla when I'm jumping between her goals and desires, then where she actually is, then what happened to her last night. I think if you focus on the logical connections between her thoughts -- how is she getting from one reminiscence to another, how is she experiencing the events happening to her? -- you'll be able to make this a more streamlined and compelling opening.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35809829146861602382013-03-29T05:11:44.729-04:002013-03-29T05:11:44.729-04:00I think the premise is good, that she needs to sav...I think the premise is good, that she needs to save her wedding (if that is the main story arc) but starting a story in a car with a lot of description isn't the most dynamic. I think I'd like to see the argument to start. And I'm also not sure if I was in her situation I'd describe any morning as perfect if I thought my love life was crumbling. Where is she driving too. It's a bit distracting with the excerpt because I'm wondering te whole time where shes going. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04810608784319828463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47052662504130458972013-03-28T13:58:45.270-04:002013-03-28T13:58:45.270-04:00Have to say, this didn't really grab me right ...Have to say, this didn't really grab me right away. The 'perfect morning' comment doesn't make sense in the context of her emotional turmoil. <br /><br />There's too much description of external things, and not enough information about the MC for me to really care about her. A few well placed setting details are enough. Save the words to make us care about Cilla.Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81159883002385966702013-03-28T13:35:23.814-04:002013-03-28T13:35:23.814-04:00What makes it a perfect morning? Add in some descr...What makes it a perfect morning? Add in some description because it could be anything. It could be that she got coffee on time from her shop and it could be that the day is clear and sunny. It obviously isn't perfect because of her relationship.<br /><br />It seemed incongruous that the morning was perfect, yet she was really preoccupied with the arguement. I'd tie this conflict together more explicitly by saying somethign like "everything was perfect, except that she wasn't sure she was going to get married anymore" or something like that.<br /><br />good luck!Mark Andreashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15490077640536513271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20912595753767739452013-03-28T01:22:06.796-04:002013-03-28T01:22:06.796-04:00The writing here is strong, but I don't like C...The writing here is strong, but I don't like Cilla enough to continue reading. Texting her BF all morning to apologize strikes me as needy and I don't have a sense of who she is as an individual, outside of her relationship. That's really just a matter of taste, though.<br /><br />I'm all for novels with a strong sense of place, but I thought the references to Chicago landmarks were a little overdone (Wacker Drive, Lake Michigan, Merchandise Mart, the Cubs). One well-chosen image would be enough to establish the location. Maybe consider expanding a bit on the image in the first paragraph and cutting some of the later references. E.g., as Cilla Perkins drove east down Wacker Drive, with the river snaking along on her left, and the skyscrapers rising on either side like the walls of a man-made canyon, she wondered why anyone would live anywhere else. Rebeccanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66741273128293332712013-03-27T14:41:47.953-04:002013-03-27T14:41:47.953-04:00I really, really like the last paragraph. That is ...I really, really like the last paragraph. That is where the story really starts for me. I felt like the first three were a little too descriptive. Knowing the MC has been texting her BF since dawn with no response after she said those awful things (that made me chuckle, by the way) really sets the stage for a great story. Perhaps if you put that bit first it would draw the reader in more? <br /><br />I like the first two paragraphs, as well, but I'm wondering if they might fit in better after you introduce the conflict?<br /><br />Overall great writing, though.byutm33https://www.blogger.com/profile/09748644322258429204noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66515649249964915792013-03-27T12:14:53.043-04:002013-03-27T12:14:53.043-04:00This sounds great! I got the trouble in paradise v...This sounds great! I got the trouble in paradise vibe as well and am very interested in seeing where this story is going. I also agree about the man made mountains line, where is that going?Melody Simpsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00151048396332794911noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73261873337614130812013-03-27T11:42:28.812-04:002013-03-27T11:42:28.812-04:00Uh oh. Cilla's in deep. Looks like she hit Bla...Uh oh. Cilla's in deep. Looks like she hit Blake where it really hurts - his entire identity - and doesn't even realize it. The "All she said..." tells me she still doesn't think she said anything that bad. I think it will take more than texts to straighten this out. I'm not sure what you mean by the man-made mountains sentence, and I've read it a few times. Anyway, I hope Cilla gains some insight and quick. Maybe the story is about that? AnnetteGnoreply@blogger.com