tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5758943856612951779..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: April Secret Agent #9Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48493641966663721652012-04-16T11:24:25.177-04:002012-04-16T11:24:25.177-04:00Great voice! I love the last line and want to read...Great voice! I love the last line and want to read more.Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10269242163746792522012-04-13T13:29:54.303-04:002012-04-13T13:29:54.303-04:00Twitching eyebrows and no cookies is a very bad si...Twitching eyebrows and no cookies is a very bad sign, but there was a worse sub? Ha!<br /><br />I would like a term used to describe Jeff Harkiss, so I know he's a student, but who is he from the MC's perspective? Something that goes along with his hat perching ways. Class clown? Class irritant? Something. <br /><br />Is this seventh-grade English? I think most of the details are going to show up in the next pages. Nice opening.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24654428368004547312012-04-13T12:35:27.364-04:002012-04-13T12:35:27.364-04:00I agree with the others - this is a very fun openi...I agree with the others - this is a very fun opening. Love the voice, especially this line - ". . . like he has to chew each word before it comes out." <br /><br />I thought his first line was a little clunky, though. "You never know who's going to be out to get you in life." I think it could be cleaner, and perhaps make him a bit crazier-sounding, maybe with shorter, choppier sentences. But that's just a little nit-picking. I really thought this opening was great.Sheila JGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15371582292020275894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20703311805715909882012-04-12T16:23:58.415-04:002012-04-12T16:23:58.415-04:00Love this one! I especially laughed at "Right...Love this one! I especially laughed at "Right. No cookies coming from this guy."<br /><br />Between the title and the ominous feel of the sub, I'm totally intrigued. And by the way, science is awesome and supergirls are too. Really hoping this one gets picked up!!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14121018905141253640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15415657462198607332012-04-12T11:07:09.889-04:002012-04-12T11:07:09.889-04:00Great voice. Like the descriptions. Only thing: yo...Great voice. Like the descriptions. Only thing: you give another classmates name but not the MC - perhaps sub could call MC by name since he seems fixated on her/him.<br />This sounds fun and I'd read more.Mary Vettelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16095755720390348707noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74408152487470995502012-04-12T05:40:59.265-04:002012-04-12T05:40:59.265-04:00I love this. I'm hooked. Where's the rest?...I love this. I'm hooked. Where's the rest?Tamarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16466014613515065083noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31298910931479587642012-04-11T17:57:03.252-04:002012-04-11T17:57:03.252-04:00I really enjoyed this opening. It pulled me right ...I really enjoyed this opening. It pulled me right in and made me want to read more. And from the note above, I figured the MC was female because of the title and they way she noticed things just felt more female to me.JC Falorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12752042179391838494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3544091447870140452012-04-11T16:14:11.448-04:002012-04-11T16:14:11.448-04:00Loved the voice and the description of the sub - a...Loved the voice and the description of the sub - and also how you added to the humor by briefly referencing a previous sub who had a thing for leprachuans. I think you really have a deft touch for humor that flows and doesn't seem forced. One thing - I am not sure how many middle schoolers would onject to the actual starting of English class no matter what the reason. Jeff Harkiss having the hat "perched" on his head so he can be a middle school lawyer and claim he's not actually wearing it was wonderful. You have a real sense of the hidden life in a classroom. Great job. Oh, I am not sure if the MC is male or female yet. It sounds male to me but ....dunno yet so can't be sure. Maybe clear that up.Happy Dolphinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73239252896923733162012-04-11T16:12:59.975-04:002012-04-11T16:12:59.975-04:00Loved it. All my comments were covered above.Loved it. All my comments were covered above.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87019110875875009312012-04-11T16:04:36.291-04:002012-04-11T16:04:36.291-04:00Nice! Great title, first and last lines. Cool MC...Nice! Great title, first and last lines. Cool MC voice. Funny, fast writing and you give us lots to get excited about. <br /><br />I don't think you need any more information. That's what the rest of the book is for. "Just turn the page, dude."Jonahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02578427775402839675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64164122282765881342012-04-11T15:45:07.943-04:002012-04-11T15:45:07.943-04:00I laughed out loud three times. Great voice. Love ...I laughed out loud three times. Great voice. Love the foreshadowing. <br /><br />Only thing that felt a little off to me came after "I get it, Mr. Trolp."<br /><br />I'm thinking maybe add a "please" look at someone else before... And her before seems like a weird thing for a middle schooler to say. It's natural she doesn't want creepy sub looking at her any more. It just feels like the reason should be about the MC's feelings of awkwardness somehow.SueJayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14428582843087294011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24657152289754914622012-04-11T14:27:39.364-04:002012-04-11T14:27:39.364-04:00I loved the voice and the humor! I agree that I wo...I loved the voice and the humor! I agree that I would like some hint what the beginning has to do with the title.Linda Cnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75859823991698515552012-04-11T12:25:17.193-04:002012-04-11T12:25:17.193-04:00Wow, I remember this from another contest. Loved ...Wow, I remember this from another contest. Loved the title then, still do, and you've added such a fun flair to the opening! Nice job. It's humorous from the start, yet has a little portent-of-doom vibe going on b/c of the "nobody's ever gotten good news." And the entire passage keeps that great voice.<br /><br />I'd only change a few things--and they're just little changes to smooth things out. In the last sentence of the first para, I'd take out "with." "…Mr. Trolop appears at the lectern, eyebrows all a-wiggle…" just makes it a little funnier/sharper imo. Also, I'd consider taking out "coming" (i.e. "Right. No cookies from this guy.") for the same reason.<br /><br />I'd italicize becoming in "Maybe he's becoming a rabid spider" to emphasize the funny. Also, "very-important-advice-instead…" seems a little long w/all those hyphens. You might consider changing it to something like "very-important-advice instead of giving me the caterpillar eye." Still funny, but the rhythm might flow better.<br /><br />Love the name Jeff Harkiss and his bit at the end! Great, fully lives up to the awesome title!<br /><br />Ninja GirlNinja Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00901215698632029838noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36630364568058502642012-04-11T12:09:30.603-04:002012-04-11T12:09:30.603-04:00The last line is fantastic -- I love this! I agree...The last line is fantastic -- I love this! I agree with the others that I need a bit more information, though.Juliahttp://www.juliathewritergirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87292172118490153542012-04-11T11:31:24.431-04:002012-04-11T11:31:24.431-04:00Loved this! Love the voice, very MG (man, MG is do...Loved this! Love the voice, very MG (man, MG is doing great so far in this contest) and i laughed out loud at the final line.<br />Great job!Sarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37243951180798927752012-04-11T11:14:31.063-04:002012-04-11T11:14:31.063-04:00Love the voice. 'There's always a first ti...Love the voice. 'There's always a first time to agree with Jeff Harkiss.' is wonderful. <br /><br />I'd love a little bit more detail to hint at what kind of school this is. I'm presuming it's not a normal school? But that's my only gripe. <br /><br />Very enjoyable read!Franziskahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04969060327273110157noreply@blogger.com