tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5850124654382761504..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Middle Grade #13Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40208991613830733182016-04-30T15:10:48.632-04:002016-04-30T15:10:48.632-04:00I love you premise and your voice. I think you sta...I love you premise and your voice. I think you started in the exact right spot and I love how you bring in the tension of his family situation right away. This sounds like a fun character to get to know. I really don't have any feedback for this. I wish you luck moving forward with this!<br /><br />Jamie - Entry #35Jamie Krakoverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16808802721340647047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61648309526287245002016-04-29T22:27:23.722-04:002016-04-29T22:27:23.722-04:00Good job establishing the voice of a MG techie. Th...Good job establishing the voice of a MG techie. The opening paragraph is spot on. It does get weighted down in the final paragraph and I felt a little lost getting through the details. My suggestion is to combine and cut in order to stay in rhythm and pacing of the first part. Tightening this up will also help keep the voice you started with. <br />Good luck!Mike Hayshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06485884518411706201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14628026942105807122016-04-29T21:08:39.251-04:002016-04-29T21:08:39.251-04:00The voice is fine, but rather that showing off Gar...The voice is fine, but rather that showing off Garrett's intellect and condescension, I'd move into the plot faster.<br /><br />I don't care where he bought his tower or for how much.<br /><br />And that cookie tracking bit to trick the website into thinking he's an adult could be said more succinctly. I think you'd lose readers. Even with an MG friendly voice, most tweens are less tech savvy than you'd think. <br /><br />Besides, he's a hacker. Why is he buying the OS? It's fairly easy to scoop up Windows keys.<br /><br />I'd keep reading, but I'd need to empathize with Garrett quickly.ikmarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09211122590810154080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25076485509146894782016-04-28T15:45:04.690-04:002016-04-28T15:45:04.690-04:00MG hacker! Yes! Spot on voice.
First sentence, 3rd...MG hacker! Yes! Spot on voice.<br />First sentence, 3rd para, I'd like you to "show" his hate and frustration of using mom's computer.mgdbocknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30567447189348635582016-04-28T11:19:20.013-04:002016-04-28T11:19:20.013-04:00I love the title and premise. I think the MG voice...I love the title and premise. I think the MG voice works, with just a couple of exceptions: In the second para, inserting "I mean" took me out of Garrett's POV. In the third para, "wild hair" feels like a very adult phrase that I don't think kids would use.<br /><br />The techie details give this a lot of authenticity without being dry. Loved the bit about "cookie samples". Seems like a really fun read for older MG. Good luck!Mama Chainoreply@blogger.com