tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post5899308168715019334..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 25 Words #30Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7422439265544062402020-09-24T08:55:29.918-04:002020-09-24T08:55:29.918-04:00nice!
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I like the icicles idea.
"apostr...Thanks... <br /><br />I like the icicles idea.<br /><br />"apostrophe hanging" could easily change with the ice. <br /><br />And yes, it's a coal mine.The author of #30noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21485123130048312902010-06-23T00:44:29.782-04:002010-06-23T00:44:29.782-04:00I don't read much horror. But I liked the vis...I don't read much horror. But I liked the visual I got on your opener. :)Sharon K. Mayhewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07799235347319851345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64529188699402564222010-06-22T22:14:36.709-04:002010-06-22T22:14:36.709-04:00I'm going to agree with Barbara. I think clari...I'm going to agree with Barbara. I think clarity instead of mystery would make this great opening even stronger. Love the details and that it's horror. Great choices of interesting details.Trish Esdenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02049667128434033805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85938722070414243162010-06-22T18:55:30.754-04:002010-06-22T18:55:30.754-04:00Good opening, but it could be even better if you g...Good opening, but it could be even better if you gave us more. Tell us why the snow's black. I can picture black snow, but it makes me wonder why it's black. If you say black from soot or ash, I have a specific image in my head and I'm in your world instead of trying to figure it out.<br /><br />Instead of the burros having frozen manes, take the description a bit further. Show us the icicles hanging from the strands of hair.<br /><br />A close-up sucks us in deeper than a panoramic view.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74260932371481452152010-06-22T17:49:03.291-04:002010-06-22T17:49:03.291-04:00I agree with H. Grant, otherwise, I would check ou...I agree with H. Grant, otherwise, I would check out the next few sentences to see what it was all about!<br /><br />Good luck!Pen-Up Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17349431443527029558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31542955016557927372010-06-22T17:28:18.912-04:002010-06-22T17:28:18.912-04:00Great - curious about the black snow. It makes me ...Great - curious about the black snow. It makes me think perhaps they were near a coal mine or other similar thing.Blodwynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68121652241124956292010-06-22T16:43:15.251-04:002010-06-22T16:43:15.251-04:00Intriguing start.
One small suggestion: I would ...Intriguing start. <br /><br />One small suggestion: I would rewrite to do away with the apostrophe hanging in space after burros' -- the manes of the burros froze, or even call them donkeys.H. Grantnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40133635745535338202010-06-22T16:23:53.015-04:002010-06-22T16:23:53.015-04:00Great imagery to start, and leaves me wanting to k...Great imagery to start, and leaves me wanting to know more.Bethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67175364662007139542010-06-22T13:52:25.157-04:002010-06-22T13:52:25.157-04:00Agreed with the above comments. Love the dark/cold...Agreed with the above comments. Love the dark/cold imagery!Vincent Kalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04625863843215035035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46293596242389404772010-06-22T12:47:21.689-04:002010-06-22T12:47:21.689-04:00Black snow is a great place to start. I feel the ...Black snow is a great place to start. I feel the cold and the dirt.Momwomannoreply@blogger.com