tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post619019127618509393..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: July Secret Agent #49Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24679675534841879642012-07-30T01:25:24.403-04:002012-07-30T01:25:24.403-04:00This isn't just MG this has got to be MG fanta...This isn't just MG this has got to be MG fantasy or something of the like. Which I have no interest in. But I will say the writing is way too heavy. It's overwhelming. I have no sense of the MC. Or what is really going on. Very confusing. <br /><br />SecretAgentSecretAgentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13078197165539270882012-07-26T10:34:39.115-04:002012-07-26T10:34:39.115-04:00I'm actually going to disagree with what the o...I'm actually going to disagree with what the others are saying about it not being MG. I knew right away that this took place in the Incan culture and girls at 12 or 13 were probably married off or in this case, sacrificed. As a MG I would have been fascinated with this, especially when I figured out she was sent to die. It's harsh but I don't necessarily think it's inappropriate. <br /><br />The Incan culture is still somewhat mysterious, they haven't begun to decipher the quipu, so as a writer you still have your freedom. <br /><br />I am very curious about this, well done!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03520506539037948507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71159067465102067922012-07-26T01:54:51.457-04:002012-07-26T01:54:51.457-04:00You all are wonderful! I've already done one r...You all are wonderful! I've already done one revision based on comments and suspect another is in my near future. The book is historical, not fantasy...although I love Betsy's comment that if it were fantasy, maybe the MC could actually marry the Sun God.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27232976872371048292012-07-26T01:06:26.009-04:002012-07-26T01:06:26.009-04:00It certainly grabbed me - I want to keep reading! ...It certainly grabbed me - I want to keep reading! Will this earnest young girl meet her death?! I wish I knew more about the genre. If it was fantasy, at least I wouldn't have to worry so much about her fate. Maybe they really could get hitched. :) I do agree with the others that in voice and content it may skew more YA than MG.Betsynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44808647502455922222012-07-25T23:24:30.565-04:002012-07-25T23:24:30.565-04:00I really liked this, but it reads a bit old for MG...I really liked this, but it reads a bit old for MG. That's the only issue for me<br /><br />I'd still read on:)Feaky Snuckerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17481513779668517971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3088792829594964902012-07-25T19:47:25.028-04:002012-07-25T19:47:25.028-04:00I agree with GSMarlene and Sarah. Not sure this sa...I agree with GSMarlene and Sarah. Not sure this says MG to me. The language struck me as a bit too flowery for this little girl, walking up a mountain...because the people in charge told her to[?] It was hard for me to dive into, and I think tweaking the MC's voice to portray her age would help.<br /><br />Maybe the adults who told her she was promised to Inti use this kind of language, and she's half-quoting them, or trying to sound like them?<br /><br />Also, you started with 'WE had ben climbing.' But the rest of the excerpt sounded like she was alone. If she's climbing with other people, who/what/how many are they?Silent Pageshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06538537005860204111noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17765820409032928802012-07-25T19:23:45.307-04:002012-07-25T19:23:45.307-04:00Distinct world, love the line "snow had long ...Distinct world, love the line "snow had long since lost its charm."Donnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17739145934264407187noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19631156946163885602012-07-25T15:45:24.125-04:002012-07-25T15:45:24.125-04:00Good job setting up the story and the concept come...Good job setting up the story and the concept comes through. There's some skillful writing in there as well. I'd say eliminate the questions and let the MC make statements to reveal her character. <br />Also, not sure this feels MG to me.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11607291218714097810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87867846112137904112012-07-25T14:45:09.324-04:002012-07-25T14:45:09.324-04:00I'm intrigued by your premise! It took a momen...I'm intrigued by your premise! It took a moment for me to realize what was going on, but I love the concept. I feel like there are lots of internal questions, which makes it a bit more difficult to sink into (not only am I not sure what was going on, but it sounds like she's unsure as well). Again, some lovely imagery. You might be able to break up these paragraphs to increase readability~ just a thought :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14121018905141253640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1545058330660372772012-07-25T14:33:42.818-04:002012-07-25T14:33:42.818-04:00What is the genre? Historical or Fantasy?
This so...What is the genre? Historical or Fantasy?<br /><br />This sounds very interesting, I want to understand the culture. But it doesn't read MG in either voice or subject matter. Almost not even YA, but I could see that being shown soon.<br /><br />Another thing - and this just might be a "me only" nit - I'm not a big fan of using the words "now" and "here". Unless stated otherwise, pretty much everything is happening here and now. So the past tense (or is it past perfect or someother term I don't remember) combined with "now" really throws me in the first sentence.<br /><br />Some of your writing is really lovely and enticing, just not sure about the fit with MG.GSMarlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17558162486383585621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27926751126968424342012-07-25T12:33:12.412-04:002012-07-25T12:33:12.412-04:00I like the girl-on-way-to-sacrifice premise.
And ...I like the girl-on-way-to-sacrifice premise.<br /><br />And I see that the MC is slowly becoming disillusioned: why isn't Inti warming his bride; snow has lost its charm; could this foul trail really be it. But I'm wondering if it would be more powerful if you focused on just one area of disillusionment for a stretch. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing.kiwingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72111945629116953112012-07-25T12:25:57.430-04:002012-07-25T12:25:57.430-04:00Some nice descriptions here, but I think your seco...Some nice descriptions here, but I think your second paragraph is the strongest of the two. Maybe there are too many questions in the first paragraph? Even though you mention "We" I get the sense she is traveling alone.dan65noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61795983638023847962012-07-25T11:13:53.831-04:002012-07-25T11:13:53.831-04:00Hmmm. I don't understand why the last three se...Hmmm. I don't understand why the last three sentences are blanked out. If you highlight the white area with your cursor you can still read them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68278907446479530142012-07-25T10:34:24.977-04:002012-07-25T10:34:24.977-04:00Wow--a story about an ancient Incan sacrifice. Dan...Wow--a story about an ancient Incan sacrifice. Dang.<br /><br />I love the idea of the historical fiction you have going here, but I think you put your most attention-grabbing lines last. "Could the trail to the heavenly Kingdom be so foul?" already sets up the actual tension of the story--this girl's on her way to be sacrificed, and doesn't get it! Make us suspicious, just a tiny bit, at the beginning, and THEN go on with the beautiful descriptions. Ugly first, tired later.<br /><br />That's what I think.Petre Panhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09116806277306186024noreply@blogger.com