tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6519715555135975086..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent Contest #20Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52148545492923113282018-03-12T14:44:04.183-04:002018-03-12T14:44:04.183-04:00Thank you everyone for your comments!
And thank ...Thank you everyone for your comments! <br /><br />And thank you, Secret Agent. You really made my day. :—DAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10431235733322139548noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31641931006986288622018-03-08T20:44:10.553-05:002018-03-08T20:44:10.553-05:00The opening lines draw me right into the scene. I ...The opening lines draw me right into the scene. I like the feel of their relationship that you get.<br />The line where Zoe starts looking at her photos is a bit unclear that we're switching perspective.<br />The MC's (nick?)name being Bits and the title being "Bits and Pieces" is a cool tie. WorkingTitlenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53123296797695109972018-03-08T16:22:14.369-05:002018-03-08T16:22:14.369-05:00The confident voice here shines. It’s easy to fal...The confident voice here shines. It’s easy to fall into these character, I feel like we get just the right amount of information and backstory and current stakes. It’s a really lovely set-up and I’m intrigued. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27779725275787408192018-03-08T13:12:27.274-05:002018-03-08T13:12:27.274-05:00The writing flows easily and in just a few lines, ...The writing flows easily and in just a few lines, I think I get a good feel for the relationship between these two and the potential predicament of the MC. Poppinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42859733998155969752018-03-07T13:52:51.547-05:002018-03-07T13:52:51.547-05:00There is some nice exposition here without being t...There is some nice exposition here without being too info-dumpy. The writing is strong; I don't see too much that needs fixing. Not sure if the comma is necessary before "these days" in the third sentence, but commas can be a matter of preference. I was a little confused by the phrase "the warm dusky light" because it took me a moment to realize it was referring to Zoe in the picture rather than Zoe in the present moment. Oh, and one teeny typo -- "Zoe throws and arm" instead of "an."<br /><br />Good luck!Matrilhttp://cynthiaailshie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63924034626379518252018-03-07T13:22:50.126-05:002018-03-07T13:22:50.126-05:00Nice opening sentences. They feel like a clear day...Nice opening sentences. They feel like a clear day and settle nicely so I know exactly where I am in the story. Nice (hard) work. :) K. L. Hallamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05672153195378644215noreply@blogger.com