tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6584064111823607745..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #28Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84432079339886283452014-03-07T21:50:11.070-05:002014-03-07T21:50:11.070-05:00I like the homeschooling angle. I wish I knew the ...I like the homeschooling angle. I wish I knew the age of the character. I like that there's a conflict with Aunt June. Very interesting. I'd read on.Suzannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42131962280989641752014-03-07T16:59:54.544-05:002014-03-07T16:59:54.544-05:00I'm hooked. I like the character. I feel the t...I'm hooked. I like the character. I feel the tension about the phone call from the unpopular Aunt June, and the concern about what it might mean. And then the fact that the dad is making a change, at last. Is this good or not? Definitely I'd want to read on to find out.Beckynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67985712414698115552014-03-06T22:01:17.684-05:002014-03-06T22:01:17.684-05:00I'd keep reading to see where this is going. I...I'd keep reading to see where this is going. I like the title. And I like that there's an aunt who probably wants to take her away or pay for her to go to school or something. <br /><br />But I'm wondering what will make this story different from others. It's sounding pretty familiar so far. So I'd read on, but I'd hope to see some fresh twist pretty soon. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73523372384146414862014-03-06T18:51:17.578-05:002014-03-06T18:51:17.578-05:00Got me from the beginning and the last paragraph w...Got me from the beginning and the last paragraph would have kept me reading.N. J. Hammernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68351468160960922722014-03-06T00:06:43.991-05:002014-03-06T00:06:43.991-05:00There seems to be an implied tragedy in the backgr...There seems to be an implied tragedy in the background, possibly the loss of a mother who raised her kid as an artist. I'd want to read more.<br /><br />I'm also sentimental about Cerulean Blue, which was my favorite color when I was dabbling in oils in college. It was the perfect color for a clear sky just after the sun went down.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63740977768404404162014-03-05T23:02:51.830-05:002014-03-05T23:02:51.830-05:00I'm intrigued! Well done on nailing your prota...I'm intrigued! Well done on nailing your protagonist's voice. <br /><br />My nit-picky comment is the fact that the metaphor doesn't work for me with the dad's voice being "as heavy and dark as a thundercloud."<br /><br />I hear his voice being heavy and dark... but comparing it to a thundercloud might be over-the-top?<br /><br />Great work.Rachelhttp://www.singlemomseeking.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49565592009336193842014-03-05T20:51:25.319-05:002014-03-05T20:51:25.319-05:00I enjoyed this. Wondering why her dad never spoke ...I enjoyed this. Wondering why her dad never spoke on the phone drew me in. The phone conversation kept me intrigued. I would read on. RSnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6201011871907267272014-03-05T16:32:21.625-05:002014-03-05T16:32:21.625-05:00I really like how you've started your story. Y...I really like how you've started your story. You've managed to get so much across but all 'show not tell.'<br />And Calli's voice is really coming over too - your first lines, and then again with 'You've shaved!' It felt like such a natural comment for their situation. <br />Good luckBeanienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66553114267309233892014-03-05T13:55:18.112-05:002014-03-05T13:55:18.112-05:00I enjoyed this passage. The first paragraph makes ...I enjoyed this passage. The first paragraph makes me wonder why her dad doesn't talk on the phone, which keeps me reading. I got clear sense of character and situation. You tucked in some back story without it feeling heavy. <br />A couple observations<br />1. some sentences could be tightened which would give them more punch. You could take out "her own sister" and tell us it's her maternal aunt later. Turning "tried to figure out why..." into a question--"Why did he want to talk to her..." brings us closer to the character<br />2. Perhaps define "sick" a knotted stomach? A headache?<br />All minor stuff. Well done!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com