tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6619175240628772143..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talkin' Heads #19Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55950687364778982742016-01-14T17:03:00.810-05:002016-01-14T17:03:00.810-05:00This reads very smoothly and feels well-polished. ...This reads very smoothly and feels well-polished. I like the scene and feel grounded in it, even though we are offered very little in extraneous details. The small descriptions you use are well placed and quite effective. <br /><br />I do wonder if she would use the word intestines to describe the cramping, though. Usually we don't. And the only other thing I might critique is when Kalan brings up that she has never eaten real meat, right after she has already told us that. Struck me as a bit redundant.<br /><br />Overall, though, it is quite nice.Sissybabynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57847673213596485332016-01-14T15:06:44.545-05:002016-01-14T15:06:44.545-05:00I really liked this! The dialogue was very realist...I really liked this! The dialogue was very realistic, and the last line was especially intriguing -- it makes me want to read more. Gracenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60192170997852767842016-01-14T11:18:41.018-05:002016-01-14T11:18:41.018-05:00Quite good. Sounds like a cool story too.
You do ...Quite good. Sounds like a cool story too.<br /><br />You do have some extra words though. <br />E.g. I don't think you need 'me' in the first line<br />or 'from his hands' in the third<br />and I think 'doesn't have enough of the natural enzyme needed' should just be 'lacks enough natural enzymes' ikmarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09211122590810154080noreply@blogger.com