tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6697602816677619432..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: #69 SECRET AGENT Are You Hooked?Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73244428969764863372008-07-19T23:56:00.000-04:002008-07-19T23:56:00.000-04:00Idea has potential, but something in the execution...Idea has potential, but something in the execution is lacking. I think it needs another round or two of polish and some work on the voice in order to make it really snap. <BR/><BR/>(Yay Australia! ;))Amy Laurenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16782528327499574711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67005973053048731952008-07-19T22:00:00.000-04:002008-07-19T22:00:00.000-04:00I wasn't quite hooked by the narrative voice, alth...I wasn't quite hooked by the narrative voice, although I really like him finding the odd child.Ardythhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15379643762791779892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78770811607715190982008-07-19T16:54:00.000-04:002008-07-19T16:54:00.000-04:00I'm going to agree with above suggestions to clari...I'm going to agree with above suggestions to clarify the parameters of your world a bit more. I think there's some promising things here (I thought Mike's disdain for the younger boy was pretty accurate--he'll help but he won't like it) but I wasn't completely drawn in to Mike--why's he outside?--or the scenario.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72243416915242303422008-07-18T21:52:00.000-04:002008-07-18T21:52:00.000-04:00Not hooked.Not my genre, but I was confused. He sc...Not hooked.<BR/><BR/>Not my genre, but I was confused. He scoffs at the idea of witches (as if it's a silly idea) then thinks he sees a pixie (as if it's a normal thing), then finds it's just a boy, but the boy has wings glued to his bare ankles and he thinks he's going to a party? I'm lost on this one.<BR/><BR/>“I’ve been to parties, and we wear our best clothes. Is that what you mean?”<BR/><BR/>I can't figure out what that reply is supposed to mean. And is the boy a boy messenger or a messenger being that looks like a boy?<BR/><BR/>I think you need to clarify what is an established norm in the world and what isn't.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58384177160434249342008-07-18T19:15:00.000-04:002008-07-18T19:15:00.000-04:00What a novel idea, Witches and wizards have been d...What a novel idea, Witches and wizards have been done to death. I would have loved to have read the next page as it seems like this story is going somewhere.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61571918387607944512008-07-18T15:35:00.000-04:002008-07-18T15:35:00.000-04:00Sorry, no. I got confused why Mike first thought t...Sorry, no. I got confused why Mike first thought the boy a pixie, and then is surprised he's not wearing a costume with "glued shiny wings." Doesn't make sense, and sounds more like fantasy than sf.Karen Duvallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01839711547501582977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73421806583704651602008-07-18T14:51:00.000-04:002008-07-18T14:51:00.000-04:00Not yet.I didn't really find the voice/narration e...Not yet.<BR/><BR/>I didn't really find the voice/narration engaging (and the first line is description, which tends to turn me off, thought this is a personal preference) and the opening situation of a teenager walking around and then bumping into the magical world just doesn't seem done in a fresh enough way to grab me, here.<BR/><BR/>I was interested in the messenger boy but not much else, I'm afriad. It does have potential, and depending on the plot, I might read on a little more, but initially I'm not hooked.<BR/><BR/>Good luck though!<BR/><BR/>~MercMerchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-324854765493695572008-07-18T12:43:00.000-04:002008-07-18T12:43:00.000-04:00Yes...and I'm not a fan of male main characters :)...Yes...and I'm not a fan of male main characters :)Nayuleskahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08693548526829437580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4919672719814356472008-07-18T09:47:00.000-04:002008-07-18T09:47:00.000-04:00Yes, I would keep on reading. At least a few more ...Yes, I would keep on reading. At least a few more pages. <BR/>I like the Austrailan setting.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8114469733646803622008-07-18T09:07:00.000-04:002008-07-18T09:07:00.000-04:00Yes.Only quibbled about this "sixteen year ol...Yes.<BR/><BR/>Only quibbled about this "sixteen year old boy" <0- since I have two brothers, they stopped thinking of themselves as 'boys' when they got that old. They were guys and men. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45015726349743380062008-07-18T08:02:00.000-04:002008-07-18T08:02:00.000-04:00I like it. If you fixed up the pixie bit that othe...I like it. <BR/><BR/>If you fixed up the pixie bit that others spoke of, I'd definitely read.<BR/><BR/>Renae_kAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31304209048080958402008-07-18T05:45:00.000-04:002008-07-18T05:45:00.000-04:00Ditto on the pixie thing. The last line caught me,...Ditto on the pixie thing. The last line caught me, but a little too late. I'd have to pass.Beth Overmyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04820441246149409581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84886174459083395902008-07-18T02:09:00.000-04:002008-07-18T02:09:00.000-04:00Yes ... for a little longer at least. Mike and the...Yes ... for a little longer at least. Mike and the plot have potential, but I found the initial pixie comment disorienting. Is Mike making a joke or is he looking for actual pixies? I thought he was kidding, but he seems disappointed that the kid isn't a pixie. On the heels of that confusion, Mike assumes the wings on the kid are part of a costume. So are pixies real or not? Does Mike believe in them or not? Is he looking for one or not? Make the answers clearer, and I'd be interested in reading more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6128500892994348112008-07-18T00:06:00.000-04:002008-07-18T00:06:00.000-04:00I'm liking it very much, and would continue readin...I'm liking it very much, and would continue reading. I like Mike's voice and perceptions of things (ex: the Witches Fingers line). But ditto on the pixie thing. I don't have a problem with it as is, but I think you need to slow the pacing there a bit to allow your reader to digest the image.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82735793901043171002008-07-17T20:01:00.000-04:002008-07-17T20:01:00.000-04:00Hmmm... I'm waffeling on this. It has potential bu...Hmmm... I'm waffeling on this. It has potential but this alone doesn't hook me.Liana Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14587774916354749190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51276710197187765272008-07-17T16:11:00.000-04:002008-07-17T16:11:00.000-04:00I'm slightly confused by the mc - the implication ...I'm slightly confused by the mc - the implication from the text seem to me that he's not surprised to find a pixie. Then he's annoyed that it's a lost boy.<BR/><BR/>The "messenger's" voice will need some work. He's presented in a very unattractive way; that's a hard barrier to jump if you want him to be a positive character.<BR/><BR/>This, I would want to read another 250 words before I decided if I liked it or not. I guess that means I'm 50% hooked.<BR/><BR/>KizmetAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86211173689248868792008-07-17T14:04:00.000-04:002008-07-17T14:04:00.000-04:00"A sixteen-year-old boy afraid..." seemed like an ..."A sixteen-year-old boy afraid..." seemed like an awkward way to get his age in.<BR/><BR/>I agree with the comment about pixie vs. boy above.<BR/><BR/>It has a fantasy feel though, I think due to the formalness of language.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33076695928974124402008-07-17T12:36:00.000-04:002008-07-17T12:36:00.000-04:00I was thrown off by the phrase "thought he'd found...I was thrown off by the phrase "thought he'd found a pixie." I thought you were establishing that pixies were a normal thing to find, maybe not common, but possible. And then it's not a pixie, but a small boy, but wait, no! it actually IS a pixie. I'd lose the first pixie thought if you want to establish that pixies would be really strange to find.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04621339612834832188noreply@blogger.com