tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6748424081464995716..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Logline Critique Round #9Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25467628846780221472016-08-26T18:26:42.163-04:002016-08-26T18:26:42.163-04:00Love the title. I tie it to the track-star stateme...Love the title. I tie it to the track-star statement. I get that a magical garden and a boy could mess up any teenager, but I want to know Anabelle's stakes. What does she stand to lose/gain by entering this garden (or not) and befriending the boy (or not)? Great voice, BTW.Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08334805667163665312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18192796607824037022016-08-25T09:40:43.255-04:002016-08-25T09:40:43.255-04:00I agree with the others about ordering, but sounds...I agree with the others about ordering, but sounds interesting. I'm wondering what role her being a track star plays in the story.Deborahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01978150106154699987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4940504418884297452016-08-24T22:17:58.683-04:002016-08-24T22:17:58.683-04:00I love your title and am guessing it refers to the...I love your title and am guessing it refers to the "probably magical garden."<br />There is something in the description that makes me feel uncertain. I agree with others that reordering might help, and perhaps reference or consideration of the connection between "racing" and "Eden."<br />Kathihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15509566875707657225noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64747707514707602012016-08-24T13:29:58.905-04:002016-08-24T13:29:58.905-04:00The order Holly suggests is : Need, inciting incid...The order Holly suggests is : Need, inciting incident, goal, obstacles <br />Need: to maintain order in her life<br />Inciting incident: her grandmother goes missing<br />goal: to find her grandmother?<br />obstacles: a distracting boy? magical garden (Not sure how the obstacles relate to the need?) Hope that helps--it sounds good! LEAHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16141883577133670239noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28855771713094472912016-08-24T10:05:42.160-04:002016-08-24T10:05:42.160-04:00You've got some of the right elements, but the...You've got some of the right elements, but the order is confusing. Is the story incited by her grandmother going missing? If so, her goal is to find her. After that, we need to know what makes reaching this goal difficult. It sounds like the boy is one obstacle. Are there any others? And what will happen if she doesn't find her?<br /><br />Good luck!<br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53590042259910918372016-08-24T09:42:28.258-04:002016-08-24T09:42:28.258-04:00I really enjoyed this logline. It contains voice, ...I really enjoyed this logline. It contains voice, it is carefully and intentionally worded, and it feels grounded. If I read this on the back of a book or digital summary somewhere, I would pick it up and give the first chapter a read. My only edit might be to change "probably" before magical to "definitely", to make it less vague and match the intentional wording present in the rest of the logline. mad-hat-inknoreply@blogger.com