tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6855288521310192581..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: #68 SECRET AGENT Are You Hooked?Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3233273111249896652008-07-20T12:30:00.000-04:002008-07-20T12:30:00.000-04:00Yes. I was semi-hooked just by her positive react...Yes. I was semi-hooked just by her positive reaction to being pregnant. It was hook, line and sinker when I found out her mom was on fertility meds. (But I'm a mom, so I wonder how teens would react to this irony.) Great job either way. <BR/><BR/>OnetiredmamaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66376709195624934172008-07-20T01:45:00.000-04:002008-07-20T01:45:00.000-04:00A definite yes! I love "...I pull the pee stick fr...A definite yes! I love "...I pull the pee stick from my trickle..."<BR/><BR/>I'm very curious about Brady. Who he is. What his reaction will be. And I also am curious about Mom's reaction. And I'm wondering where you're going to go with this. What are her stakes? Does she remain thrilled about the pregnancy?candycanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14566547198433841652noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5519568566440309242008-07-19T23:53:00.000-04:002008-07-19T23:53:00.000-04:00I'm going to say yes, based on the voice and unusu...I'm going to say yes, based on the voice and unusual reaction, trusting that it's not going to glorify teen pregnancy. In RL, the blurb, of course, ought to clear that up.Amy Laurenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16782528327499574711noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21721801771402749622008-07-19T21:57:00.000-04:002008-07-19T21:57:00.000-04:00Hooked. Terrific opening--I love it.Hooked. Terrific opening--I love it.Ardythhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15379643762791779892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17132592064983676842008-07-19T16:51:00.000-04:002008-07-19T16:51:00.000-04:00I'm totally hooked and would immediately ask to se...I'm totally hooked and would immediately ask to see the manuscript. You set up two huge conflicts right away with 1) the pregnancy and 2) the mom's fertility meds and the voice is immediately compelling. I hate issue books but this already feels like it has the possibility to transcend that niche.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13896526968446327492008-07-19T06:49:00.000-04:002008-07-19T06:49:00.000-04:00I'm not one for glorifying teen preg., but I have ...I'm not one for glorifying teen preg., but I have a sense that's not where this is headed. <BR/><BR/>So I'm a yes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66062115983746424772008-07-19T00:08:00.000-04:002008-07-19T00:08:00.000-04:00I liked it and would read on, however I don't know...I liked it and would read on, however I don't know any teenagers that use the word catapult. <BR/><BR/>Good LuckAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52039187936457156612008-07-18T21:43:00.000-04:002008-07-18T21:43:00.000-04:00Not hooked.Not my thing. The MC has a good voice, ...Not hooked.<BR/><BR/>Not my thing. The MC has a good voice, though.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13698569836935374522008-07-18T19:20:00.000-04:002008-07-18T19:20:00.000-04:00Yeah, I like the MC already, poor thing. I didn't ...Yeah, I like the MC already, poor thing. I didn't mind the use of present tense so long as you are consistent throughout the story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49268552737793258162008-07-18T15:40:00.000-04:002008-07-18T15:40:00.000-04:00No, because of the tense issue. And the "pulls me ...No, because of the tense issue. And the "pulls me from my reverie" is cliche. I think the writing itself is still a bit rough and wordy. But I do like the premise quite a bit. If the writing were better, then yes, I'd read on.Karen Duvallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01839711547501582977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3689689129156037242008-07-18T14:41:00.000-04:002008-07-18T14:41:00.000-04:00Nice voice and quirks of humor, but not really a s...Nice voice and quirks of humor, but not really a subject I'm interested in reading, so no.<BR/><BR/>Good luck,<BR/><BR/>~MercMerchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9612738644241006952008-07-18T12:41:00.000-04:002008-07-18T12:41:00.000-04:00No, for the reasons Just_Me gives.No, for the reasons Just_Me gives.Nayuleskahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08693548526829437580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84717529474920867112008-07-18T09:55:00.000-04:002008-07-18T09:55:00.000-04:00No. This is simply a case of subject matter. The v...No. This is simply a case of subject matter. The voice is great, but I really don't like the idea of a teenager liking that she's pregnant, or getting pregnant on purpose.<BR/>It might be a charming and irreverent story, and it has a lot of truth to it, but having been around the foster care system, there is just nothing amusing about this at all. <BR/>The voice has such a light, humerous tone, but to me this is nothing but sad.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55315437540868065862008-07-18T09:11:00.000-04:002008-07-18T09:11:00.000-04:00YES.Strong voice and great premise. I was particul...YES.<BR/><BR/>Strong voice and great premise. I was particularly struck by the fact that her mom is trying to get preggers and her teenaged daughter has gotten preggers by accident is going to be main part of the plot. How is she going to deal?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4203923531783747782008-07-18T08:52:00.000-04:002008-07-18T08:52:00.000-04:00I liked it. I could love it, but not as it stands ...I liked it. I could love it, but not as it stands now.<BR/><BR/>As most people whose work I've critted could tell you, I HATE present tense books. They drive me insane and I want to rewrite them all in past tense.<BR/><BR/>That said, it's a wonderful start and a great hook. I just wouldn't read anymore because of the tense it's written in.Captain Hookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14802744533031619523noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73415185758562431332008-07-18T05:48:00.000-04:002008-07-18T05:48:00.000-04:00Ditto what just_me said.Ditto what just_me said.Beth Overmyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04820441246149409581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77075498183400384952008-07-18T01:59:00.000-04:002008-07-18T01:59:00.000-04:00Yes, with a word of caution. The tense distracts m...Yes, with a word of caution. The tense distracts more than it helps. I'd suggest going with past tense instead. I like the voice and touches of humor a lot. The protagonist has such an unexpected reaction that I'm intrigued to know more. I also like the twist that her mother has trouble conceiving. I'm interested enough to read more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58388285895659271212008-07-18T00:04:00.000-04:002008-07-18T00:04:00.000-04:00Definitely an intriguing beginning, but the tense ...Definitely an intriguing beginning, but the tense change at the beginning is jarring, and it seems like the pregnancy confirmation is pushed aside much too quickly, giving your reader no time to digest this news. Then the focus shifts to whether or not Brady can keep a straight face.<BR/><BR/>I would have to say tentatively yes.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49002060068002918842008-07-17T22:38:00.000-04:002008-07-17T22:38:00.000-04:00Very unusual. Happy pregnant teen with fertility d...Very unusual. Happy pregnant teen with fertility deficient mother. Speaking as someone in the latter role, your last paragraph was a punch in the stomach. I don't get those "surprise!" feelings very often anymore. I will always continue to read when I find them. Good job!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63178774272221886292008-07-17T22:01:00.000-04:002008-07-17T22:01:00.000-04:00I like this one a lot. I'm intrigued by the protag...I like this one a lot. I'm intrigued by the protagonist's unexpected reaction to finding out she's pregnant, especially after being so careful about it.<BR/><BR/>Immediately, I know what the conflict is and what's at stake. Good job!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79030699426354414672008-07-17T19:58:00.000-04:002008-07-17T19:58:00.000-04:00Not a chance. Teen pregnancy isn't something I wan...Not a chance. Teen pregnancy isn't something I want to read about and it isn't something I want my girls glorifying. <BR/><BR/>There are teen mothers, there is teen sex, and a lot of those people go on to live good and happy lives. It doesn't mean I want to make it look attractive and good to the children in my life.Liana Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14587774916354749190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51218815322238872292008-07-17T17:00:00.000-04:002008-07-17T17:00:00.000-04:00This is definitely interesting. I'd like to see h...This is definitely interesting. I'd like to see how the main character deals with being pregnant.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47302091480038245802008-07-17T16:31:00.000-04:002008-07-17T16:31:00.000-04:00I like the voice too, but I too, was struck by the...I like the voice too, but I too, was struck by the smile at the pregnancy result. Interesting though, and a good teenage boy reaction to the mother and his girlfriend's supposedly negative result. Good job setting up conflict on a lot of levels in just a few words.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36977006534207211012008-07-17T16:03:00.000-04:002008-07-17T16:03:00.000-04:00That's a twist. Infertile mother with pregnant te...That's a twist. Infertile mother with pregnant teenage daughter. I'm hooked on the premise, not so much on the writing. It has promise, but the tense will probably grate on me before it's done.<BR/><BR/>KizmetAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21792759443079312142008-07-17T15:15:00.000-04:002008-07-17T15:15:00.000-04:00This story definitely needs a tense change. (Perso...This story definitely needs a tense change. (Personal preference.)<BR/><BR/>I like the way it sets up, and I would read more because I'm curious about her perceived happiness at pregnancy.<BR/><BR/>I have a feeling it might have something to do with her mother's fertility pills. But I hope not because that would make the story predictable from page 1.<BR/><BR/>Love the voice.Kathryn Hupp-Harrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03776391661543060879noreply@blogger.com