tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post6920149661530453320..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: 28 Query ContestAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85162842911008126252009-08-01T18:24:03.167-04:002009-08-01T18:24:03.167-04:00I like the Zorro line, but I'm sad about the l...I like the Zorro line, but I'm sad about the lack of swordplay. Swords improve all stories!<br /><br />Seriously, though.<br /><br />I liked the sample better than the query. The premise seems familiar, but the voice in the sample really stands out for me. If the next few pages kept me equally entertained in spite of the familiar premise, I'd probably request more of this.Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796496740054225283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85531221106628958192009-08-01T12:13:43.440-04:002009-08-01T12:13:43.440-04:00DOn't get where Zorro comes in, but something ...DOn't get where Zorro comes in, but something about your query hooked me to read on.<br /><br />Then, the first 5 paragraphs are telling. Show us. Start in the middle of the 6th paragraph with sister apologizing.<br /><br />Good luck!usvoternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60237349255338398342009-07-31T22:40:59.128-04:002009-07-31T22:40:59.128-04:00How is it like Zorro if there's no sword play?...How is it like Zorro if there's no sword play? Does Caroline run around in a mask? This line confused me. Apart from this the query sounds good. The sample has a bit too much telling in it for my liking, but your writing is good.Bronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13029635239132926178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39250299774714713472009-07-31T03:53:50.200-04:002009-07-31T03:53:50.200-04:00I'm another vote against the Zorro reference. ...I'm another vote against the Zorro reference. This story doesn't feel like it'll live up to that comparison.<br /><br />I'm a sucker for plots where there's a fake boyfriend, so I read your first page. You write well. I'm not necessarily hooked by those words, but I'd definitely give you a few more pages to really catch my interest.brimfirehttp://brimfire.livejournal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21268253731080093402009-07-31T01:25:52.048-04:002009-07-31T01:25:52.048-04:00The query didn't hook me with its excess of de...The query didn't hook me with its excess of description but I skipped to the partial and liked its writing. I think there's potential for an interesting story here but if I were an agent I wouldn't have made it past the query's first paragraph.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38798514493792076352009-07-30T15:24:32.719-04:002009-07-30T15:24:32.719-04:00I really got confused about the Zorro reference, w...I really got confused about the Zorro reference, without swashbuckling...what are you left with? <br /><br />I wasn't hooked because I felt the heroine seemed spineless by being willing to be a maid of honor to her "narcissistic" sister and the ex-fiance that jilted her. Plus the plot sounds like the Debra Messing movie "The Wedding Date".<br /><br />Maybe it just wasn't for me.Jeannie Linhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12714068387571203896noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24536922386877484572009-07-30T01:02:35.034-04:002009-07-30T01:02:35.034-04:00The query (I would remove the pitch from the middl...The query (I would remove the pitch from the middle of the hook and put it by itself, preferably at the end) is OK--well-known plot, that is distinguished by two things: the Santorini setting, and the Bridget Jones meets Zorro reference--unfortunately, this is intriguing but in no way explained or followed up on.<br /><br />The snippet, however, was the best of about twenty that I read (so far) tonight. The first one that I wanted to keep reading. I would have asked for more based on that.Stelios Touchtidishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12015585034486383804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45963900100284371402009-07-30T00:32:35.885-04:002009-07-30T00:32:35.885-04:00Query: Well written enough to carry a premise that...Query: Well written enough to carry a premise that is probably just not for me. I didn't understand how the story relates to Zorro, since it goes unexplained in the query. However, I was interested enough to read on.<br /><br />Excerpt: I love the voice. Very well written. It seems like well-tread ground, but I would at least read the first 30 pages to see where you go with it.<br /><br />Great work. Best of luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9133493767708072762009-07-29T19:44:51.138-04:002009-07-29T19:44:51.138-04:00I don't really get the Zorro reference... he c...I don't really get the Zorro reference... he chose to hide his intelligence and ability behind his good looks. His transformation was from a fashionable useless pretty boy to a hardened swordsman. <br /><br />The other thing - and this is just my opinion as a reader. I like to have more conflict than just a main character trying to find her self-confidence. From the sounds of it, she has everything given to her - even the sexiest man alive. :)Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68671779951030188672009-07-29T17:55:53.394-04:002009-07-29T17:55:53.394-04:00I'm close to hooked, and I think you could imp...I'm close to hooked, and I think you could improve the query enough to get me hooked, because I really like your first 250 words. But I think the self esteem metaphor is a little bit too much for the first sentence. Also, I would imagine her transformation is more internal than the external example you gave. And really, who is successful at everything? I don't remember enough about Zorro (besides the sword and mask) to know what your comparison meant. But, I think you set up is intriguiging and again, loved the voice in your first 250. Would definitely keep reading.onetiredmamanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16521081970616631532009-07-29T17:49:12.420-04:002009-07-29T17:49:12.420-04:00Semi-hook.
Like Daria, I wondered about the switc...Semi-hook.<br /><br />Like Daria, I wondered about the switch from summary to info/bio and back to summary.<br /><br />Not a deal-breaker for me, but something I wondered about. <br /><br />Also, I liked the Zorro comparison, until you said it doesn't have any of the sword play, etc. Thing is, that's all I can remember about Zorro, so I was left wondering what elements your story does take from it. <br /><br />Overall pretty good. And I liked the 250 words.Anthony Rapinohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11581208296144295224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87743746007796101552009-07-29T16:27:47.760-04:002009-07-29T16:27:47.760-04:00I actually liked the Bridget Jones meets Zorro lin...I actually liked the Bridget Jones meets Zorro line, but as a reader I'd also hold you to that. If I read the book and there weren't Zorro-esque elements, I'd be disappointed. Especially since you've already mentioned that swashbuckling swordplay will not be involved. :( <br /><br />The geological metaphors in the first sentence seem like overkill to me, but if geology plays a big role in the story (does she go spelunking at some point?) then maybe you want to keep them. <br /><br />I did wonder why you put that first sentence of your blurb at the beginning, switched to a summary of info about novel, and then went back to the rest of the blurb? Why not introduce the novel, and then include the whole blurb in one piece?Daria Drakenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52514686801409631972009-07-29T15:12:41.543-04:002009-07-29T15:12:41.543-04:00The query began well. Perhaps loose the Bridgit Jo...The query began well. Perhaps loose the Bridgit Jones/Zorry bit, it doesn't add to what you have. It would be stronger if you found replacement ways to say 'trust her heart again' and 'have it all'-- these seem tired. The first 250 words would keep me reading.harthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17429442912701353172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4791950657153674712009-07-29T13:01:16.526-04:002009-07-29T13:01:16.526-04:00Not hooked. There's nothing about the query th...Not hooked. There's nothing about the query that really stands out for me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67709798650069557742009-07-29T11:19:47.894-04:002009-07-29T11:19:47.894-04:00Hmmm...I don't get the Zorro reference in the ...Hmmm...I don't get the Zorro reference in the first paragraph.<br /><br />While I think the query is well written, I don't think that the plot itself stands apart enough to make me read more. I wonder--could you inject some of that snark you talk about into the actual query? That would probably entice me to read more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.com