tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post712682301622474726..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: FS44Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65717806398087698962009-04-05T08:30:00.000-04:002009-04-05T08:30:00.000-04:00I'd keep reading.I'd keep reading.Xiexiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265895952183646895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56071461326995419282009-04-03T17:15:00.000-04:002009-04-03T17:15:00.000-04:00Eh, I can't say I'm hooked, but I wouldn't put the...Eh, I can't say I'm hooked, but I wouldn't put the book down yet. Still, if she has the power of prophesy or something like that, then I'd just go ahead and say it. If she's been naughty and is about to get whipped, then I'd go ahead and say that.<BR/><BR/>FredAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82844730660181970922009-04-01T23:52:00.000-04:002009-04-01T23:52:00.000-04:00I've read similar first lines in other stories--so...I've read similar first lines in other stories--some good, some bad. I guess I'd have to read on a bit more to see if I'm intrigued, but yeah, I've definitely seen this "It's coming" structure used in lots of other novels.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28668091617432198592009-04-01T22:46:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:46:00.000-04:00Short enough to make me read at least the next sen...Short enough to make me read at least the next sentence to get the answer. If I were to offer a suggestion, I'd say try to put a little more snap in there. The two most compelling words you have are "Scarlet Dimity". The rest feels flat to me.Hayley E. Lavikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09896649083961644485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90580037770509643742009-04-01T22:18:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:18:00.000-04:00I like it! Would totally read on to find out what...I like it! Would totally read on to find out what was coming. Like the name too.Elizabeth Lundhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09225460715942282133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40196028696194682032009-04-01T22:12:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:12:00.000-04:00Scarlett O'Hara was not a pretty girl.Sorry, that'...Scarlett O'Hara was not a pretty girl.<BR/><BR/>Sorry, that's just what your sentence called to mind.<BR/><BR/>I don't get the suspensed feeling I think you're intending me to feel, but I'd definitely go on.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76876114550730446762009-04-01T21:28:00.000-04:002009-04-01T21:28:00.000-04:00I'd read on, if only to find out why the name Scar...I'd read on, if only to find out why the name Scarlet Dimity (isn't dimity a sheer fabric?) But the title throws me quite a bit--feels cliche (though I'm one to talk, since I don't like my own title either). Also, could you hint a bit more at what was coming? Or is that sentence #2?nessilinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65004960135898316672009-04-01T21:12:00.000-04:002009-04-01T21:12:00.000-04:00Sorry, I didn't like it--I want to know "what" was...Sorry, I didn't like it--I want to know "what" was coming, but it feels a bit too much like a gimmick to me the way it's not clear what "what" is.Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26329653840831387612009-04-01T20:28:00.000-04:002009-04-01T20:28:00.000-04:00Short. Simple. I'd read on. You've introduced intr...Short. Simple. I'd read on. You've introduced intrique, mystery, and my curiousity in five words.Dianehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17347903109436607364noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51008683324458219412009-04-01T18:40:00.000-04:002009-04-01T18:40:00.000-04:00I like it. I'd keep reading.I like it. I'd keep reading.Jaime Thelerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12442679809704484650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40204554385772622092009-04-01T17:09:00.000-04:002009-04-01T17:09:00.000-04:00This is a good lead into the story. It makes me w...This is a good lead into the story. It makes me want to know what is coming.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8372141658822651032009-04-01T16:50:00.000-04:002009-04-01T16:50:00.000-04:00I like her name. This feels a bit too short which ...I like her name. <BR/><BR/>This feels a bit too short which serves to distance me from the action. Maybe give us a reason she "knows" something is coming, ie, she hears something, or sees something. That would pull me in more I think.<BR/><BR/>But honestly I would read on because I like her name. There would have to be a good story to keep me reading, but I was hooked at the name.midnightbloomshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08936355677620232722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78909062345054047132009-04-01T16:47:00.000-04:002009-04-01T16:47:00.000-04:00I like the title more than the sentence.I like the title more than the sentence.Laranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32151711239633591672009-04-01T16:01:00.000-04:002009-04-01T16:01:00.000-04:00I like this. It made me want to know what Scarlet ...I like this. It made me want to know what Scarlet knew.<BR/><BR/>I'd keep reading.Windyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07684298115679477705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52167816688498776042009-04-01T15:21:00.000-04:002009-04-01T15:21:00.000-04:00Nice set up. I don't feel like a hook is being sho...Nice set up. I don't feel like a hook is being shoved down my throat. <BR/><BR/>I'd read.Jeanne Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16871446109563078108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37638963638033114722009-04-01T14:36:00.000-04:002009-04-01T14:36:00.000-04:00I like this. I'd read the next sentence and lots m...I like this. I'd read the next sentence and lots more to find out what was coming...and how Scarlet knew it.Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79484792886404876212009-04-01T14:32:00.000-04:002009-04-01T14:32:00.000-04:00Hmmm... my question is, HOW did he know what was c...Hmmm... my question is, HOW did he know what was coming? Can he see the future? Had he been down this road before? <BR/><BR/>I'd read at least the next few sentences to see how he knew what was coming, before I could really say whether I was hooked or not.Kathleen MacIverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02263212018219137277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57394045796782388952009-04-01T12:27:00.000-04:002009-04-01T12:27:00.000-04:00I want to know what's coming.I want to know what's coming.Deb Snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50809777121206888362009-04-01T12:16:00.000-04:002009-04-01T12:16:00.000-04:00With the title and the genre the reader should kno...With the title and the genre the reader should know what they're getting in to...and this opening is, to me, perfect for the title/genre. Who is Scarlet Dimity? What is coming?<BR/><BR/>The reader picked up a fantasy novel with the name Wolfsbane at Midnight...that provides a certain expectation which I think works for this sentence. With that said, an agent might want a lot more really quickly in order to read further. I'm curious what sentence #2 is...Peterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03525836364241572779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28315654464676073462009-04-01T12:10:00.000-04:002009-04-01T12:10:00.000-04:00I'd read a little more to see what was coming. Bet...I'd read a little more to see what was coming. Better be something big though with that build up.Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84879185195750513752009-04-01T11:44:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:44:00.000-04:00I'm intrigued enough to read further to find out w...I'm intrigued enough to read further to find out what is coming.c.e.lawsonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18522540311284119692009-04-01T11:26:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:26:00.000-04:00I'd probably read more though I'm not sure it's th...I'd probably read more though I'm not sure it's the sentence that moves me on -- I like the title.Being Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17257332079795227626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-92168350450523648712009-04-01T11:23:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:23:00.000-04:00I like that this sets up an expectation for someth...I like that this sets up an expectation for something, but because it's so short I feel like it's a false build up. I'm more compelled to continue reading to see what is coming than I am to see why its coming.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com