tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7128196779387928877..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: 10TH BIRTHDAY BLOGPITCH #43: SF Crime ThrillerAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36887828172843205962018-05-01T12:50:09.963-04:002018-05-01T12:50:09.963-04:00Nice hook. Love the comments above. Would definite...Nice hook. Love the comments above. Would definitely read more.GeeWizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06941244713771870949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91981697361760920202018-03-30T22:05:44.775-04:002018-03-30T22:05:44.775-04:00Great premise! You might want to fix the first lin...Great premise! You might want to fix the first line, as it's a fragment rather than a complete sentence. I'm curious why he can't turn off his live feed. I'd love to read more. Good luck!Matrilhttp://cynthiaailshie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12473143561835483852018-03-30T13:46:05.308-04:002018-03-30T13:46:05.308-04:00I think you can remove the word "daily" ...I think you can remove the word "daily" from "daily live feed". This is kinda wordy plus a live feed implies that it never stops.<br /><br />Aside from that, I'd like to know more about what this story is about. I'm assuming he doesn't keep running forever. Is he trying to find out who did it? Prove he's innocent?<br /><br />Good luck!<br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23178435120026988052018-03-30T12:02:05.043-04:002018-03-30T12:02:05.043-04:00Another pitch that gives me a Black Mirror vibe! I...Another pitch that gives me a Black Mirror vibe! I'd read this for sure!<br />Loretta Chefhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14614456326479128984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19316549456974726532018-03-29T21:03:35.009-04:002018-03-29T21:03:35.009-04:00Sounds interesting - reminds me a bit of Minority ...Sounds interesting - reminds me a bit of Minority Report.<br />One suggestion: perhaps allude to who implanted the memory or why they did so. Just ups the stakes a bit. Melodie Wrighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04599091593083976703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88121107639965345052018-03-29T18:30:05.193-04:002018-03-29T18:30:05.193-04:00Nice hook, I would want to read more. I would just...Nice hook, I would want to read more. I would just try to clean things up a bit. There are some punctucation issues (first period should be a comma for example), and I think you could tighten up the wording a bit -- try reading it out loud and see if you stumble, then fix those places.<br /><br />But that is minor, overall a nice pitch.Petehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13033830756434950869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74197541579613810022018-03-29T12:45:05.054-04:002018-03-29T12:45:05.054-04:00Interesting hook. Which celebrity committed murder...Interesting hook. Which celebrity committed murder?Stevenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67611623015254894222018-03-29T12:00:53.141-04:002018-03-29T12:00:53.141-04:00Ooh LOVE this! Excellent pitch!Ooh LOVE this! Excellent pitch!Sarah Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09940927153504938003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83270713609615055832018-03-29T11:03:22.832-04:002018-03-29T11:03:22.832-04:00Wow this definitely sounds like something I would ...Wow this definitely sounds like something I would read! This definitely hooked me. I honestly can't think of a way to change this. Well done!Mananda9noreply@blogger.com