tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7142372537092385277..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Sentence #46Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger55125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44312432698929785642013-06-28T14:54:32.206-04:002013-06-28T14:54:32.206-04:00No. I'd need to read more to decide if it'...No. I'd need to read more to decide if it's for me or not. Kathleeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06087009456072956020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20142052932638756112013-06-28T13:55:10.617-04:002013-06-28T13:55:10.617-04:00Yes. I would at least give the second sentence a c...Yes. I would at least give the second sentence a chance.Pataknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47080722721244785982013-06-28T10:59:16.120-04:002013-06-28T10:59:16.120-04:00Yes. This was one of my favourites from this conte...Yes. This was one of my favourites from this contest - it has a softness and sweetness that, in combination with the title, make me expect the book is going to be a heartwarming, slightly sappy (in a good way), maybe a little emotional, story along the lines of The Odd Life Of Timothy Green.Seabrookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09400079400485962650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64594374882782028622013-06-28T10:15:30.781-04:002013-06-28T10:15:30.781-04:00No. I would have to concur with the consensus here...No. I would have to concur with the consensus here. There is nothing to draw the reader in, to make the reader want to find out more. I kept hearing in my head a more seductive sentence, like, "Most people look for happiness in money, fame, good friends but, for XXX, happiness is (some ironically UN-happy kind of image here)." <br /><br />Bad example but try to think of that opening line as part and parcel of your pitch. (Which it is.) What kind of feeling would you be giving an agent or publisher with a relatively bland line like, "Happiness is many things"? After you wake up your target what will he or she say? And, remember, you only have ONE sentence to convince them!Reesehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00330348718504682666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73895284232115778592013-06-28T03:54:08.712-04:002013-06-28T03:54:08.712-04:00No--There's nothing here that give a clue to w...No--There's nothing here that give a clue to what's to come. <br /><br />What is the inciting incident that starts your story rolling? Start with that.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77320857913960479462013-06-28T03:10:05.362-04:002013-06-28T03:10:05.362-04:00No. I imagine you were just about to list some ver...No. I imagine you were just about to list some very specific "things" that make your MC happy, but maybe you could list one of them immediately - e.g. "Happiness is wearing Zack's faded football jersey to bed" - to set the tone. <br /> JRPessereaunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33010756563850441182013-06-27T22:47:29.065-04:002013-06-27T22:47:29.065-04:00Yes. There is a whiff of wistfulness to it, even t...Yes. There is a whiff of wistfulness to it, even though it sounds like "Love is a Many-Splendored Thing." The daisies make me think of "He loves me ... He loves me not."Pinaynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32571519139972355492013-06-27T22:42:51.943-04:002013-06-27T22:42:51.943-04:00Yes. There is a whiff of wistfulness in it, even t...Yes. There is a whiff of wistfulness in it, even though it sounds like "Love is a Many-Splendored Thing." The daisies make me think of "He loves me ... He loves me not."Pinaynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87269643356222047682013-06-27T22:33:06.530-04:002013-06-27T22:33:06.530-04:00No. I like simple, but this felt almost childish. ...No. I like simple, but this felt almost childish. I'd be open to having my mind changed with the rest of the first paragraph, but with just this much, it's a no.amhogganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08831363893894165135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43365617420613163102013-06-27T21:26:44.255-04:002013-06-27T21:26:44.255-04:00Yes - I love the title and this just seems to fit ...Yes - I love the title and this just seems to fit so well.KayChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16267506508468548195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4310401688937180472013-06-27T19:40:23.929-04:002013-06-27T19:40:23.929-04:00Yes. Nothing wrong with a short catchy sentence.Yes. Nothing wrong with a short catchy sentence.Bill Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12727407427730937429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3349486380231538132013-06-27T19:12:31.812-04:002013-06-27T19:12:31.812-04:00Yes, I'd read on. That being said, the next se...Yes, I'd read on. That being said, the next sentence has a lot of work resting on it. This opening line doesn't give me much of anything--setting, character, voice, plot, etc.Britney Gulbrandsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03637618498524496363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66612729077578147602013-06-27T18:16:15.704-04:002013-06-27T18:16:15.704-04:00Yes, it borders on trite but I like happiness and ...Yes, it borders on trite but I like happiness and I'm willing to see where the next line leads.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17832393734157948662013-06-27T18:05:21.757-04:002013-06-27T18:05:21.757-04:00Yes, I'd read on. I don't think the first ...Yes, I'd read on. I don't think the first line has to try too hard--it should just be natural.Joan Hehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14241547000296152599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88981230665757266142013-06-27T18:02:16.919-04:002013-06-27T18:02:16.919-04:00Yes, but barely. The second line would have to be ...Yes, but barely. The second line would have to be brilliant to keep me reading.Danielle La Pagliahttp://www.daniellelapaglia.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16069964494258125622013-06-27T17:45:14.985-04:002013-06-27T17:45:14.985-04:00No. I like the tone suggested by this opening sent...No. I like the tone suggested by this opening sentence, but want to see some details to reveal character. Ashley Walkernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72330119200380956902013-06-27T17:43:56.111-04:002013-06-27T17:43:56.111-04:00No but I think it could work with some tweaking. ...No but I think it could work with some tweaking. More information would make the statement less generic.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75554528918643192702013-06-27T16:43:31.559-04:002013-06-27T16:43:31.559-04:00No
Too boring and vague. Sorry.No<br />Too boring and vague. Sorry.Kennedynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51825245145973345482013-06-27T16:25:25.365-04:002013-06-27T16:25:25.365-04:00No. Far too vague, and could be used to open infi...No. Far too vague, and could be used to open infinite numbers of books.Chrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07768990128419496674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86115877350676644662013-06-27T16:18:58.597-04:002013-06-27T16:18:58.597-04:00No. It feels to generic and vague to me. Then agai...No. It feels to generic and vague to me. Then again, a more detailed 2nd sentence could work well with this and draw me in.Parkernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18912178811613505352013-06-27T16:02:38.282-04:002013-06-27T16:02:38.282-04:00Yes! I like snappy first lines. If the description...Yes! I like snappy first lines. If the description of happiness that follows is full of unique or possibly unusual things, I think this can really work. Simple works sometimes.Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40873277527166379782013-06-27T15:58:15.813-04:002013-06-27T15:58:15.813-04:00No. No tension.No. No tension.Charlottenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17524582264314694902013-06-27T15:50:25.481-04:002013-06-27T15:50:25.481-04:00No - I'm just not feeling anything in the firs...No - I'm just not feeling anything in the first line. It's simple but I want to know a bit more about what's going on. It feels too vague.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32272056274528997992013-06-27T15:11:32.685-04:002013-06-27T15:11:32.685-04:00No. I like the title, and I might read more--but I...No. I like the title, and I might read more--but I would be reading more in search of a hook. The first line didn't do it. C. R. Baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04627499155109943973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29948494135817135052013-06-27T14:59:01.009-04:002013-06-27T14:59:01.009-04:00No. Tells the reader nothing.No. Tells the reader nothing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com