tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7218950104303947878..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: FS41Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42775106887278929342009-04-03T17:06:00.000-04:002009-04-03T17:06:00.000-04:00Sorry, I'd pass. There's nothing really wrong with...Sorry, I'd pass. There's nothing really wrong with it, but it sounds cliche (And I can't honestly say that I've heard it before, I've just heard versions of it)<BR/><BR/>FredAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68271862473693748852009-04-03T11:58:00.000-04:002009-04-03T11:58:00.000-04:00Great line. Well done.Great line. Well done.sonjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08631391506006475925noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79790221528560204422009-04-02T19:24:00.000-04:002009-04-02T19:24:00.000-04:00I like it . . . made me chuckle a little. =)I like it . . . made me chuckle a little. =)justJoanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10377292351547511489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45800321693171907532009-04-02T15:47:00.000-04:002009-04-02T15:47:00.000-04:00Hooked! While it's absolutely true that none of u...Hooked! While it's absolutely true that none of us want to die, this first sentence implies that the narrator is facing death *right now.*DeeAnnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08754787580496239398noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41066268776351533082009-04-02T00:17:00.000-04:002009-04-02T00:17:00.000-04:00Many thanks to everyone for their comments -- this...Many thanks to everyone for their comments -- this is my first entry, so the input is especially welcome.<BR/><BR/>The entire series actually began with this sentence pounding in my head for a few weeks, refusing to go away. So I sat down and started typing . . .<BR/><BR/>Again, many thanks!Elisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11283906017084563491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73085567513704481752009-04-01T23:56:00.000-04:002009-04-01T23:56:00.000-04:00Definitely hooked. Love the voice already, and a ...Definitely hooked. Love the voice already, and a great hook in so few words. Awesome job!LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16919385535581786412009-04-01T23:17:00.000-04:002009-04-01T23:17:00.000-04:00This works for me. I'd read on.This works for me. I'd read on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51766813176091518542009-04-01T23:08:00.000-04:002009-04-01T23:08:00.000-04:00Good hook! I'd read on too! I agree with Writeahol...Good hook! I'd read on too! I agree with Writeaholic though, start the sentence with "I" so it reads better.Ashley Grahamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03117850734221894809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36572913696942843312009-04-01T22:32:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:32:00.000-04:00This sounds like something I've read somewhere bef...This sounds like something I've read somewhere before. I'm not hooked with just this sentence...but it isn't a whole lot for me to go on, either!PCBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71607591292378189322009-04-01T22:31:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:31:00.000-04:00I would consider starting the sentence with "I" i...I would consider starting the sentence with "I" instead of "it" -- makes it more immediate in a POV. I'd read on.Elizabeth Lundhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09225460715942282133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69878199245824054702009-04-01T22:15:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:15:00.000-04:00Loving this!Loving this!Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39679368456461186942009-04-01T21:32:00.000-04:002009-04-01T21:32:00.000-04:00I agree--great sentence and title. Also agree wit...I agree--great sentence and title. Also agree with Peter's #2 tweak.nessilinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31615608232533140512009-04-01T20:03:00.000-04:002009-04-01T20:03:00.000-04:00Hmmm, I like it. Not love, but I'd read on. :)Hmmm, I like it. Not love, but I'd read on. :)Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30896698847169367392009-04-01T17:11:00.000-04:002009-04-01T17:11:00.000-04:00I like it!I like it!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4934235273480908382009-04-01T16:44:00.000-04:002009-04-01T16:44:00.000-04:00Great first line. You've hooked me to want to read...Great first line. You've hooked me to want to read more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10488480848744622686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15090495612475243742009-04-01T15:18:00.000-04:002009-04-01T15:18:00.000-04:00Loved the concept, but the sentence could be fixed...Loved the concept, but the sentence could be fixed. <BR/><BR/>I'd read.Jeanne Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16871446109563078108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60552476496728157222009-04-01T15:04:00.000-04:002009-04-01T15:04:00.000-04:00Title didn't grab me, but WOW! what a great first ...Title didn't grab me, but WOW! what a great first sentence! :)puzzlehousenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80655413911235211462009-04-01T14:38:00.000-04:002009-04-01T14:38:00.000-04:00On one hand, this is a very obvious statement. NO ...On one hand, this is a very obvious statement. NO ONE wants to die.<BR/><BR/>However...this hints that, just maybe, she's got to choose between one or the other. ie: she doesn't get to live a normal life and then die at an old age. And if that's how the next couple of sentences pan out, then I'd definitely be hooked. <BR/><BR/>But if the next couple of sentences just have her facing death in a more ordinary way, then there'd have to be something else to hook me.Kathleen MacIverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02263212018219137277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79329764361263239262009-04-01T14:37:00.000-04:002009-04-01T14:37:00.000-04:00This is great. Because I think this is something m...This is great. Because I think this is something most people can relate to. I don't want to live forever, but I certainly don't want to die today, yanno? Good job!Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24796287991791878222009-04-01T12:44:00.000-04:002009-04-01T12:44:00.000-04:00Hooked.Hooked.Deb Snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91528835703224597442009-04-01T12:27:00.000-04:002009-04-01T12:27:00.000-04:00Love the concept, love the title. Agree with Amy:...Love the concept, love the title. Agree with Amy: the phrasing could stand some tweaking:<BR/><BR/>It's not that I wanted to live forever...I just didn't want to die.<BR/><BR/>or<BR/><BR/>I didn't want to live forever...I just didn't want to die.<BR/><BR/>My choice would be the second due to the nice echo from the first clause to the second.<BR/><BR/>That might just be me. Would definitely read on because I really liked this.Peterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03525836364241572779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51107709864247520282009-04-01T12:23:00.000-04:002009-04-01T12:23:00.000-04:00Don't like it because the MC is contradicting him/...Don't like it because the MC is contradicting him/herself in the first sentence.Amy Kinzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10436166248133753017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88172345770256869552009-04-01T12:07:00.000-04:002009-04-01T12:07:00.000-04:00I'm intrigued even though it sounds cliche.I'm intrigued even though it sounds cliche.Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77654295133234029082009-04-01T11:29:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:29:00.000-04:00Oh yeah, I'd keep reading.Oh yeah, I'd keep reading.Lizzlenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60050241361385193982009-04-01T11:17:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:17:00.000-04:00I like this as well. Intriguing enough to read on...I like this as well. Intriguing enough to read on.c.e.lawsonnoreply@blogger.com