tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7337944571120041139..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: FS36Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65519474975647859262009-04-03T16:55:00.000-04:002009-04-03T16:55:00.000-04:00I can't say I'm hooked, but I keep reading. This w...I can't say I'm hooked, but I keep reading. This would work better for me if you gave some setting first. But it's interesting enough to keep me moving on.<BR/><BR/>FredAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30806020925291118212009-04-02T10:17:00.000-04:002009-04-02T10:17:00.000-04:00I agree with Writeaholic, but I'd tighten it even ...I agree with Writeaholic, but I'd tighten it even further:<BR/><BR/>"Rose was accustomed to the wails of the dead, the screams of the dying were unbearable."<BR/><BR/>I'd keep reading.puzzlehousenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34133720901993706852009-04-02T09:22:00.000-04:002009-04-02T09:22:00.000-04:00Excellent!Excellent!Windyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07684298115679477705noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12946365615605459512009-04-02T06:07:00.000-04:002009-04-02T06:07:00.000-04:00I agree. That's a mighty powerful opening line. I...I agree. That's a mighty powerful opening line. I would definitely read on.Cheryl Snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32556904355451528992009-04-02T00:08:00.000-04:002009-04-02T00:08:00.000-04:00Definitely intrigued -- I would read on. Nicely do...Definitely intrigued -- I would read on. Nicely done.Elisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11283906017084563491noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6357972019368443852009-04-02T00:02:00.000-04:002009-04-02T00:02:00.000-04:00Hooked! It's unusual and unexpected, and there's ...Hooked! It's unusual and unexpected, and there's a good hint of what the MC's voice is going to be. I'd definitely read on!LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60550881170775654162009-04-01T22:50:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:50:00.000-04:00It's intriguing...but something's not right. I thi...It's intriguing...but something's not right. I think, maybe, it's too backstory-ish and/or summary-ish. It makes me expect that the rest of the paragraph, and maybe the next one or two, will be backstory, and...and...ugh. Don't really want to do that.<BR/><BR/>So if your first few paragraphs AREN'T backstory, then I'd cut this sentence. At least take the here-and-now part of it and cut the rest. Maybe...what's her reaction to the screams that she's hearing right now?Kathleen MacIverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02263212018219137277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90919259913933190132009-04-01T22:42:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:42:00.000-04:00I'm hooked by the premise but the sentence could b...I'm hooked by the premise but the sentence could be tightened -- it's quite passive in construction. We don't need the "hearing" as it's implied in the "wails". Ditto with the "enduring".<BR/><BR/>A possible revision:<BR/><BR/><I>Rose grew accustomed to the wails of the dead, but could not bear the screams of the dying.</I><BR/><BR/>Good luck!Elizabeth Lundhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09225460715942282133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45952417802874957692009-04-01T22:22:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:22:00.000-04:00Hooked. Must have more.Hooked. Must have more.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6688059494030958642009-04-01T22:17:00.000-04:002009-04-01T22:17:00.000-04:00I like it!I like it!PCBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87242922335878148772009-04-01T21:41:00.000-04:002009-04-01T21:41:00.000-04:00Good start! Would definitely read on.Good start! Would definitely read on.nessilinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58876825236586626362009-04-01T19:15:00.000-04:002009-04-01T19:15:00.000-04:00I like it--I'd read on. :)I like it--I'd read on. :)Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85940272747518923572009-04-01T17:39:00.000-04:002009-04-01T17:39:00.000-04:00Very original!Very original!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26959524240004724212009-04-01T15:33:00.000-04:002009-04-01T15:33:00.000-04:00Perfect setup!Perfect setup!Peterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03525836364241572779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65039929123634343782009-04-01T15:11:00.000-04:002009-04-01T15:11:00.000-04:00I'd read on. YA that's more than vamps and weres. ...I'd read on. YA that's more than vamps and weres. Good job.Jeanne Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16871446109563078108noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-245425616158458732009-04-01T14:40:00.000-04:002009-04-01T14:40:00.000-04:00Fabulous!Fabulous!Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45158180066297126162009-04-01T14:15:00.000-04:002009-04-01T14:15:00.000-04:00Nice -- hooked me!Nice -- hooked me!Liz T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/11756311579262449791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74577229238521229692009-04-01T13:36:00.000-04:002009-04-01T13:36:00.000-04:00Yep, definitely hooked.Yep, definitely hooked.Deb Snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51367040918156992642009-04-01T12:59:00.000-04:002009-04-01T12:59:00.000-04:00Great opening. Its not my genre, but the sentence...Great opening. Its not my genre, but the sentence is very intriguing and hooked me right away.Erichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07823808700523297184noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10340187226699561862009-04-01T12:28:00.000-04:002009-04-01T12:28:00.000-04:00Definitely interested!Definitely interested!Tracihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16399764927137200395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23358883491838465072009-04-01T11:57:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:57:00.000-04:00Hooked!Hooked!Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10158574824064301652009-04-01T11:51:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:51:00.000-04:00I'd definitely read on. Strong words like wails, ...I'd definitely read on. Strong words like wails, enduring, unbearable really worked to draw me in. I already feel for Rose. Nice work!c.e.lawsonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32111623721075405002009-04-01T11:40:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:40:00.000-04:00I don't read YA either, but I was intrigued.I don't read YA either, but I was intrigued.The Screaming Guppyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16962615828294805869noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88052369659414149972009-04-01T11:13:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:13:00.000-04:00Good opening sentence. I don't read YA but I'd pas...Good opening sentence. I don't read YA but I'd pass it to my daughter.Terri Molinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10684929235647584445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73481183655905866222009-04-01T11:02:00.000-04:002009-04-01T11:02:00.000-04:00Hooked.Hooked.Scotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06905515473737579937noreply@blogger.com