tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7437932985791683017..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: August Secret Agent Contest #4Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65563869269696194732011-08-17T16:40:03.996-04:002011-08-17T16:40:03.996-04:00I'm intrigued by the Pacific Islander feel, bu...I'm intrigued by the Pacific Islander feel, but somewhat put off by what seems to be a slow start. I think if you could combine some of these sentences, you might be able to move the action a little faster and keep the reader's interest a little more.<br /><br />That said, my impatience was with wanting to get to the story rather than with the content - I really liked the content a lot and would read on. If the pace didn't pick up quickly, however, this would lose me.Susan Shttp://www.susanspann.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26909790039831960682011-08-17T16:19:31.832-04:002011-08-17T16:19:31.832-04:00We all have certain words, phrases, and gestures t...We all have certain words, phrases, and gestures that set us off. Mine all happen to fall into the category of sensuous overkill. Many can be found in this entry: frenzy, stroking, tickling, longing...temptation, hip. Some of us are prudes...It's a free country. Nevertheless, I can't love work that traffics in this language.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63196709144843062292011-08-17T15:50:22.821-04:002011-08-17T15:50:22.821-04:00The Hawaiian aspect interests me, but I wanted mor...The Hawaiian aspect interests me, but I wanted more. Where is she and why is she there with her father when she obviously doesn't want to be there with him? Why isn't she in the fields? There are no hints or clues to tell us what is going on here. Perhaps cut some of the description and give us more story.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67907317846044009452011-08-17T12:05:58.222-04:002011-08-17T12:05:58.222-04:00Great scene setting and a hint at a wonderful adve...Great scene setting and a hint at a wonderful adventure. I also like that you have broken out of the YA fantasy mold and are doing something completely different. I don't know Hawaiian myths, but my guess is you're bringing one to life. Kudos!Lanettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09987748870291077638noreply@blogger.com