tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7441135137337952143..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Adult Genre Fiction #7Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5304086673942390082016-05-17T10:09:45.127-04:002016-05-17T10:09:45.127-04:00Overall, I had trouble getting through what was su...Overall, I had trouble getting through what was supposed to be the log line. Very wordy. (Though I hate to keep critiquing all the log lines as mine was not much better. :P) <br /><br />You have me hooked. Except for one suggestion otherwise; the opening sentence. Perhaps to eliminate the tense of the word "had" you could say simply something along the lines of "That mistake was going to cost her" and introduce her name in the second sentence. Just a thought. :)Pink_Hasmathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13561514191606613808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82257397119592962222016-05-16T16:43:35.409-04:002016-05-16T16:43:35.409-04:00I like this. The twist at the end was fun, and th...I like this. The twist at the end was fun, and the description of the fight pulled me in. I think it'll be interesting to see where Kyri's royal status takes her as she's recruited into a special role - does it help or hinder her? Does she try to hide it? I'd read on.JKOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11037801818858013252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50013943838669727752016-05-16T15:31:46.434-04:002016-05-16T15:31:46.434-04:00Using "their" for one opponent sounds to...Using "their" for one opponent sounds too politically correct. If you're trying to hide the sex of the opponent, "the" would work. <br />"instead leaving herself open" The "instead is not needed. <br /><br />Otherwise this is an interesting scene. I would keep reading.<br /><br />Mark Muratahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03562597698193306363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16872776154353621522016-05-16T13:15:20.681-04:002016-05-16T13:15:20.681-04:00Author here - just realized I accidentally used Le...Author here - just realized I accidentally used Leena's name from my old edits, Kyri, instead of Leena! Apologies!l3nnoreply@blogger.com