tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7523744593067264906..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #30Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74330433213013399152014-03-08T13:32:35.246-05:002014-03-08T13:32:35.246-05:00Fun idea -- I love that she draws superheroes to h...Fun idea -- I love that she draws superheroes to help her figure out how to solve her problems. I was confused by the first paragraph, too, and also thought starting with the second paragraph seemed more concrete and interesting. I did like the first sentence, however. I don't think you need, "I have to get it back. Now!" We know that already. This sounds really intriguing overall!Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15131999963255182952noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27884171579297573322014-03-07T21:33:46.935-05:002014-03-07T21:33:46.935-05:00Great voice! I love the comic drawing as a way to...Great voice! I love the comic drawing as a way to figure out her life. Taking out a mirror to apply lipgloss threw me a bit. I could maybe see the lipgloss for an eleven year old and I know we aren't supposed to like Daisy. She's vain and mean. I did wonder about the age. Thinking maybe Daisy was older. But nice set up for interesting characters.Suzannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71823176943007974342014-03-06T21:47:52.301-05:002014-03-06T21:47:52.301-05:00You have some tense issues which make it hard to g...You have some tense issues which make it hard to get into the story. <br /><br />I'd eat worms to make sure my eleventh birthday wouldn't be...But with Julia by my side today would be better. It had to be.<br /><br />or<br /><br />I'll eat worms to make sure my eleventh birthday won't be...But with Julia by my side, today will be better. It has to be!<br /><br />I wonder why Daisy is so mean. And I like that she has a sweet name and she's really nasty. And I like that your main character is drawing comics. <br /><br />But I'm wondering why she takes out her sketch book in front of her evil ex best friend when she knew what happened last year? <br /><br />A good start. Keep getting it critiqued and keep polishing it. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56292733843202076972014-03-06T14:52:37.151-05:002014-03-06T14:52:37.151-05:00I like the voice. It has a youthful tone to it. Ho...I like the voice. It has a youthful tone to it. However, I wouldn't say it is the youthful tone of an eleven-year-old. The situation sounds like they'd be a little older like 12, 13, or 14. But that just might be me. It was the MC's voice and the mentioning of dabbing on lip gloss that made me wonder about the age. <br />Also, a tiny tidbit, there is "Peanut and Butter" and then at the end you have "Peanut & Butter". To keep up with consistency, I think it would be good to stick to one of these spellings.<br />Still, I think this has potential. In the next scene, I would think we're going to find out how exactly Daisy has killed the MC's previous comic. Good luck!<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04798194712737818268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12278967491593769572014-03-05T13:10:18.024-05:002014-03-05T13:10:18.024-05:00I like the action in this story and the voice. I a...I like the action in this story and the voice. I am very interested in how the superheroes she creates help her overcome her evil ex-best friend and other situations. I did have to read the first paragraph several times as it was confusing - too much crammed into one paragraph. I almost wondered if starting out at paragraph 2 would be more clear. The term "suck-a-rama" felt like forced mg speak rather than natural. Zigsternoreply@blogger.com