tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7561561585212009327..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: October Secret Agent #32Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88049659564627199262011-10-23T18:47:54.507-04:002011-10-23T18:47:54.507-04:00I do adore the title, and Lucy’s voice is fun and ...I do adore the title, and Lucy’s voice is fun and eager, although I do wonder at why she happened to own such a shirt for just such an occasion. I feel this is a bit young for my tastes; I imagine it’s for the Junie B. Jones set. While the telling nature of Lucy’s narration has charm, I’m also a bit concerned it could get old fairly quickly.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1145660569972346992011-10-21T17:17:37.290-04:002011-10-21T17:17:37.290-04:00I wonder if you're start too soon. I think it ...I wonder if you're start too soon. I think it might be better to start at the stables or somewhere else, where her mom and Mike makes a decision about the horse.<br /><br />I loved to read horse stories when I was reading MG.Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24684858475775503192011-10-20T17:16:02.712-04:002011-10-20T17:16:02.712-04:00I was always (and still am!) a sucker for a middle...I was always (and still am!) a sucker for a middle grade horse story. :) I'm assuming that Charlotte will play a big role since her name is in the title, but I think you may be starting in the wrong place. The getting dressed and exchanging family banter at the breakfast table is a bit cliche. I do like the contrast that you're hinting at between Lucy's and Charlotte's attire and am looking forward to what develops between them. <br /><br />I would read on.Christinenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32282333104629806332011-10-20T15:30:00.016-04:002011-10-20T15:30:00.016-04:00I thought the dialogue at the breakfast table work...I thought the dialogue at the breakfast table worked nicely to show characterization. I get a sense of who your charactes are without you explaining them.<br /><br />On the other hand, the opening doesn't draw me in. It's all a bit too generic. Maybe start a little further on, when they're actually at the farm, that way we get into the horse world right away (which would be the draw for me, because I don't know anything about that world.)Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14269361578846411292011-10-20T15:05:43.913-04:002011-10-20T15:05:43.913-04:00I like this for the most part, but the second and ...I like this for the most part, but the second and third paragraphs are really telling. They don't add anything you couldn't show us through dialogue or action, whether in this scene or later. The voice seemed consistent and age appropriate. My only comment is when she remembers she's being grown up and responsible. Seems more like she's trying to be polite to an older sibling. I know it's a follow through with what she thinks as she's sitting down at the table. Wouldn't she more like wonder if being nice was close enough? Just a thought. At any rate, nice job!tarakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11879814735940426961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35589201078687843952011-10-20T10:35:22.848-04:002011-10-20T10:35:22.848-04:00It's cute. Not my genre, but I think many midd...It's cute. Not my genre, but I think many middle grader would enjoy it.Joynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66127486780754241012011-10-19T20:27:46.836-04:002011-10-19T20:27:46.836-04:00Cute opener. Not really hooked because horses aren...Cute opener. Not really hooked because horses aren't my thing, but can see it appealing to MG girls.Teehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18277378168473581160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14963099069501691062011-10-19T19:58:03.739-04:002011-10-19T19:58:03.739-04:00This is super cute. I think the voice is perfect f...This is super cute. I think the voice is perfect for MG, and I love the title. I have three horses, and remember loving horses at that age, so I totally feel her excitement! I wasn't confused by who Charlotte was. I assume her sister, and if not I'm sure you clarify later. Nice job!alexiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07122487552931794871noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54922321935633912732011-10-19T16:01:58.752-04:002011-10-19T16:01:58.752-04:00I think this is something that a lot of middle gra...I think this is something that a lot of middle grader readers would enjoy. <br /><br />My only suggest would be to clarify who Charlotte is when she's first mentioned.Trish Esdenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02049667128434033805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13322494441751133082011-10-19T15:34:12.509-04:002011-10-19T15:34:12.509-04:00I find the voice a bit mature, or maybe it's b...I find the voice a bit mature, or maybe it's because I feel like their is more telling than showing. I'm not quite hooked.Annahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10071535816891378260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5778193623369436682011-10-19T13:59:44.697-04:002011-10-19T13:59:44.697-04:00Love the title, and the voice, but I wonder if thi...Love the title, and the voice, but I wonder if this scene isn't overdone, the mc coming down to breakfast for the day with a desire. <br /><br />I'd read on for the voice and to see what happens with Valiant.Tere Kirklandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13562750950130316280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56678127356750287932011-10-19T10:34:05.937-04:002011-10-19T10:34:05.937-04:00Thank you for making this site very interesting! K...Thank you for making this site very interesting! Keep going! You're doing very well!веб промоhttp://www.facebook.com/webpromouanoreply@blogger.com