tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7708550101408937874..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: 25 Words #15Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29258545659616828472020-09-24T08:58:03.038-04:002020-09-24T08:58:03.038-04:00nice!
viagra bekasi
alat bantu seks jakarta
hammer...<br />nice!<br /><a href="https://twitter.com/CodPil" rel="nofollow">viagra bekasi</a><br /><a href="https://alatbantupasutri.business.site/" rel="nofollow">alat bantu seks jakarta</a><br /><a href="https://toko-joshi-ang-cod-bekasi-jakarta.business.site/" rel="nofollow">hammer of thor asli bekasi</a><br /><a href="https://viagracodbekasi.wordpress.com/" rel="nofollow">viagra cod bekasi</a><br /><a href="https://jualviagracodbekasi.webflow.io/" rel="nofollow">jual viagra cod bekasi</a><br /><a href="https://web.facebook.com/Hammer-Of-Thor-Italy-Asli-COD-Bekasi-0853-1201-0145-115724873605608/" rel="nofollow">hammer of thor cod bekasi</a><br /><a href="https://web.facebook.com/Obat-Kuat-Viagra-Asli-100mg-COD-Bekasi-0853-1201-0145-116722930163695/" rel="nofollow">viagra asli cod bekasi</a><br /><a href="https://web.facebook.com/obatperangsangcodbekasi/" rel="nofollow">obat perangsang bekasi</a><br /><a href="https://web.facebook.com/Alat-Bantu-Sex-Pria-Wanita-COD-Bekasi-0853-1201-0145-117086626804945/" rel="nofollow">alat bantu sex bekasi</a><br />viviene joelihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06354314535305223341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71981601980160116282010-06-26T01:23:59.844-04:002010-06-26T01:23:59.844-04:00I'm not a fan of using dialogue tags such as &...I'm not a fan of using dialogue tags such as "barked" as this immediately made me imagine a dog riding a horse. It's different to "bark out an order" but just to have "barked" sounds funny.Miss Aspiranthttp://susannalund.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43387269802157063852010-06-22T19:57:00.837-04:002010-06-22T19:57:00.837-04:00Like it and I like the scene you've chosen to ...Like it and I like the scene you've chosen to start with. I agree with all the comments that have been made so far.<br /><br />I suggest you change barked to shout. Further on into the story it wouldn't matter, but there are agents and editors that would be turned off by it. Why take a chance so early in the story? At least that's my 2 cents.Trish Esdenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02049667128434033805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68027688915461392892010-06-22T16:35:28.766-04:002010-06-22T16:35:28.766-04:00The title made me smile because I immediately thou...The title made me smile because I immediately thought of the horse in the Legend of Zelda games. But it also makes me wonder about how much originality I'm going to get in this story.<br /> <br />I also thought Joe was the MC. Then I got to the end of the second sentence and the word 'me,' which made me realize it wasn't a third person story about Joe, but a first person story about the 'me' character.<br /><br />And if they're 'tracking' a horse thief (presumably not wanting to be noticed) why is he shouting?Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54238213248781465042010-06-22T16:17:14.376-04:002010-06-22T16:17:14.376-04:00A paranormal involving horses really appeals to me...A paranormal involving horses really appeals to me, but these sentence were a little confusing because I didn't know who these people were. I'm still hooked by the concept, though. It's hard to get context across in 25 words, I know.Bethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28880756956141539302010-06-22T12:27:59.126-04:002010-06-22T12:27:59.126-04:00Well, I'm intrigued but I found it a little ch...Well, I'm intrigued but I found it a little choppy. I'm wondering if the first two sentences could be turned into one "Down the canyon!" Joe shouted over his shoulder, his horse pulling out ahead of mine.<br /><br />The 'His galloping Appaloosa' sentence seemed awkwardly worded to me as well. It seems as though within the larger context of the story we would already know that the riders were galloping and if the fact that Joe is on an App is important, I'd think you would also have already written that in, before the chase began maybe.Artemis Greyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10849091563671031929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70249606929512526742010-06-22T12:14:05.637-04:002010-06-22T12:14:05.637-04:00You introduce 3 characters and a horse in the firs...You introduce 3 characters and a horse in the first couple sentences. It gets a little confusing to put them in order and get a clear picture. I agree with the above comment for clarity. <br /><br />Epona: reference to Roman goddess or horse from Zelda? Win either way!Vincent Kalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04625863843215035035noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72015133351148390812010-06-22T11:45:58.542-04:002010-06-22T11:45:58.542-04:00Sounds exciting. I love horses :D The horse thief ...Sounds exciting. I love horses :D The horse thief tripped me up, though. What if you switched that around to the first sentence? Then I'd get that tension immediately. I'm still hooked, though!Amanda Sunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12546843210439988407noreply@blogger.com