tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7774780908425525887..comments2024-03-18T12:01:18.507-04:00Comments on Authoress: 1 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1105765853932981042009-11-23T11:36:09.096-05:002009-11-23T11:36:09.096-05:00I really liked this - I haven't read much stra...I really liked this - I haven't read much straight fantasy recently, but I want to get back to it, and this begining would certainly keep me reading.<br />I like the sound of a world where magic is used in ordinary locks - it makes me wonder what the rest of the world is like, so I really enjoyed this.Ailsahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02824021953575422303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51175007355860032752009-11-10T06:48:27.266-05:002009-11-10T06:48:27.266-05:00I was sucked right in and loved the imagery and th...I was sucked right in and loved the imagery and the voice. <br /><br />Well done.Cheryl Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11270513035473727341noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8654354627769875312009-11-06T20:56:18.959-05:002009-11-06T20:56:18.959-05:00Oh, wow. This is really interesting. Like storm gr...Oh, wow. This is really interesting. Like storm grant, I'm not sure whether it's urban fantasy or just plain fantasy, but I'm hoping it's just plain fantasy as you've indicated with your genre.<br /><br />Theives in fantasy is a great idea, I'm hooked on premise alone. And then the writing's great, too. Like others, I had some trouble with the lock-picking detail, but not much. <br /><br />Hooked!Inkspattersnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60122306700983980192009-11-05T18:30:11.841-05:002009-11-05T18:30:11.841-05:00I like this kind of fantasy. I'd read on.
I ...I like this kind of fantasy. I'd read on. <br /><br />I wasn't clear if it was urban fantasy or set in a different kind of world fantasy.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00118363231070027767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15626745896526697032009-11-05T11:43:44.385-05:002009-11-05T11:43:44.385-05:00Not quite hooked, sorry. I had to read this twice ...Not quite hooked, sorry. I had to read this twice to get a clear picture of what was happening. At first I thought the three strands of magic were something he was creating, then I realized the three strands were already there. You may want to bring up the mention of the Red General sooner to make it less confusing. <br /> <br />You have a POV slip with: The pupil of his eye expanded until his iris became black. (He can't see his own pupil.)<br /> <br />I also felt there was too much focus on the explanation of the lock and not enough to make me sympathetic to/interested in your character.Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13924429875915669292009-11-04T22:08:46.296-05:002009-11-04T22:08:46.296-05:00I enjoyed this, though I'm going to be nitpick...I enjoyed this, though I'm going to be nitpicky. Ignore this comment if you're not writing in 3rd person, but I don't think he'd see what his iris was doing. I have magic in my story that transforms my MC as well and had to find a different way of explaining how it felt when a part of her changed, instead of showing it. Just a thought.ChristaCarol Joneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02908423468344511136noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14704084264136455572009-11-04T19:10:34.453-05:002009-11-04T19:10:34.453-05:00I thought this was brilliant, though I don't t...I thought this was brilliant, though I don't tend to read much fantasy.<br /><br />I think fantasy readers would expect this level of detail with the magic and the lock, and I imagine it'd continue through the entire book. I don't feel as if you need to take out any details -- I'm very curious as to what Zahn's going to steal, and I think the detail builds on the suspense.Steph Bowehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12816278319683722582noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33948444829553588902009-11-04T18:57:04.827-05:002009-11-04T18:57:04.827-05:00Love Magic and Love thieves! I'm hooked!
Happ...Love Magic and Love thieves! I'm hooked!<br /><br />Happy writing,<br />A. McElfreshAnnie McElfreshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14312634754232333138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-71669797613658140932009-11-04T17:55:18.252-05:002009-11-04T17:55:18.252-05:00I was getting lost in the details a little bit but...I was getting lost in the details a little bit but I am a total sucker for books about thieves. If there had been more I would have kept reading, hoping to get pulled more into the narrative.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86340559459415060932009-11-04T17:30:18.172-05:002009-11-04T17:30:18.172-05:00Like PP, I like the premise a lot but I did get co...Like PP, I like the premise a lot but I did get confused with the strands of color in the lock. I thought for a moment that it was the mc's own magic as I began to read that part, not someone else's.Karinanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9804990849716086152009-11-04T17:13:48.049-05:002009-11-04T17:13:48.049-05:00I like the premise but I got confused and lost in ...I like the premise but I got confused and lost in the strands of color in the lock.SCGnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20559597711544653942009-11-04T17:00:09.251-05:002009-11-04T17:00:09.251-05:00Love the premise. Found my mind wandering in the l...Love the premise. Found my mind wandering in the last graph because I felt there were too many details.sally https://www.blogger.com/profile/11068670473065918371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77653010326077775292009-11-04T16:46:12.898-05:002009-11-04T16:46:12.898-05:00I thought you did a great job showing the magic in...I thought you did a great job showing the magic in his actions, I am curious where its going and who the Red General is.<br />-HeatherUFGirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14536128521869386173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73405010766499962382009-11-04T13:58:44.101-05:002009-11-04T13:58:44.101-05:00My interest peaked at this line: Alexander Zahn, t...My interest peaked at this line: <i>Alexander Zahn, the world’s greatest thief, was about to strike again.</i> Would you consider making that your opener?<br /><br />I noticed some repetition in the third graf that pulled me out of the scene a little. <br /><br />Interesting premise, though--a lock protected by magic and a thief expert in magic who can defeat the spells.<br /><br />I'd read more.Rebecca LuElla Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06823550402103559922noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11350256256900936272009-11-04T13:20:35.235-05:002009-11-04T13:20:35.235-05:00Sounds good, but I think you should use another wo...Sounds good, but I think you should use another word for tumbler. Out of all the lock-picking descriptions, I think that word choice had started previous commenters confusion. (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, this is just a guess)Ash. Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03796125310595262268noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17860430767295247232009-11-04T12:41:26.245-05:002009-11-04T12:41:26.245-05:00Marvelous. I'd like to read more, am fascinate...Marvelous. I'd like to read more, am fascinated by the lock and the thief. Ya hooked me.<br />(And I usually don't find magic that intriguing, I'm a thriller chick.)Cat Connorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12148689729839085230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26281928509873356062009-11-04T12:37:38.006-05:002009-11-04T12:37:38.006-05:00I'd ask for more, but I think this beginning c...I'd ask for more, but I think this beginning could be tightened just a bit. Good luck!Valerie Gearyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17165554338889917253noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53898514539722976762009-11-04T11:52:25.706-05:002009-11-04T11:52:25.706-05:00I thought it was fine, but not compelling. Yes, I...I thought it was fine, but not compelling. Yes, I'd read on, but I'm not saying, "Wow! I've gotta read this."<br /><br />Perhaps work on the passive writing to make it more immediate. 'He gathered the magic he needed.' makes me think, "so what is he doing? How is he doing that?" Eliminate all the 'could's.' Right now, I'm watching him. Making it active will allow me to be him.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27081509970720727032009-11-04T10:41:19.755-05:002009-11-04T10:41:19.755-05:00An interesting setup, but, like Claire, I got lost...An interesting setup, but, like Claire, I got lost in the details of the lock picking and the explanation. That said, I still wanted to find out what happened when he tried to break in and break the spells.Liz Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16236068983893816667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51692963836385105832009-11-04T09:35:24.614-05:002009-11-04T09:35:24.614-05:00Hi there
I got lost in the details of the lock pi...Hi there<br /><br />I got lost in the details of the lock picking, but would read on. I like extraordinary thieves. <br /><br />Good luck!Clairehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09609095934716513347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1833986427784630782009-11-04T09:30:00.967-05:002009-11-04T09:30:00.967-05:00You got me - at least for now. I do hope that mor...You got me - at least for now. I do hope that more character emerges shortly, but I love the writing, and the magic system looks great! Good job.Momwomannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90484928782495740902009-11-04T09:13:09.564-05:002009-11-04T09:13:09.564-05:00Love it. (I'll admit I've read much of the...Love it. (I'll admit I've read much of the rest of this manuscript, but this beginning hooked me immediately.)Sara J. Henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16145626175256433448noreply@blogger.com