tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7796688214871521137..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 30 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger20125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37661715954154582182009-07-18T17:53:44.089-04:002009-07-18T17:53:44.089-04:00I really like the writing - I like your main chara...I really like the writing - I like your main character - I love the way you describe things "slender and intense" and the view of the Mississippi is fabulous.<br /><br />I don't mind that she's waking up, because you don't dwell on it.<br /><br />The only thing that gave me pause was the name - KK. I agree with the PP that it evokes the KKK. Also, it's just a little harsh and offputting. I'd relate to her much more if she had a full name, or an initial combo I was more accustomed to, like CC.<br /><br />But overall I really like it. :)Robin Lemkehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12254896327174187893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1481971733466678082009-07-17T16:35:21.165-04:002009-07-17T16:35:21.165-04:00Not hooked. A woman wakes up and goes to work. S...Not hooked. A woman wakes up and goes to work. She has a bad feeling.<br /><br />Maybe if she had a bad feeling about something specific it would help. You have her pulling her article apart. Does the bad feeling have anything to do with that?<br /><br />If something bad is going to happen (and I hope it is) perhaps get it in sooner.Barbnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7403104481031967042009-07-16T14:34:29.881-04:002009-07-16T14:34:29.881-04:00Not hooked--there isn't anything particularly ...Not hooked--there isn't anything particularly wrong with this, but it just doesn't stand out from the crowd for me. <br /><br />I think you could wake this up a bit by placing more interesting images in it: "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" "like a growing storm cloud" "sky was overcast and dreary" are all fairly boring phrases.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59603899752242079182009-07-16T11:57:00.042-04:002009-07-16T11:57:00.042-04:00I would also have to agree with Amy's comments...I would also have to agree with Amy's comments, but I do think this has good tension.Sarah Erberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15364100717989701019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52844608793808183392009-07-15T23:06:15.528-04:002009-07-15T23:06:15.528-04:00Ooooh. Amy Sue brings up a good point. You probabl...Ooooh. Amy Sue brings up a good point. You probably didn't intend that, but it may not sit well with some people even if it's kind of subliminal. On the other hand- maybe it's pivotal to the story, symbolic of something? But if it's just a coincidence, I'd err on the side of caution and not offend someone.Query-A-Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06403531785846541267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66707272418435254302009-07-15T22:50:20.795-04:002009-07-15T22:50:20.795-04:00To me, "one of those days" is very clich...To me, "one of those days" is very cliche unless it's worked into some awesome dialogue. I can tell the author is trying to show us the intensity of the "feeling" the main character has that day, but it's redundant imo. I think there is a lot of potential in describing this "intuition" type thing -- it can be both intriguing and realistic and creepy.<br /><br />I'm having trouble with KK McKnaught from the south - it rings way too closely to KKK for me.Amy Sue Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13854920309673361956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47800428382490054312009-07-15T20:36:31.492-04:002009-07-15T20:36:31.492-04:00The first paragraph felt very redundant.
Second pa...The first paragraph felt very redundant.<br />Second paragraph is not bad, but sometimes feels overdone.<br />Third paragraph is fine.<br /><br />Overall, I'm not hooked.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77754681341105696012009-07-15T18:18:25.274-04:002009-07-15T18:18:25.274-04:00Not hooked, although I do really like the line abo...Not hooked, although I do really like the line about "something else...eating her up." This narration just feels too generic to be interesting. Oh, and I agree with the commenters who've said that the "a slender woman with intense eyes" line was distracting - does anyone really think about herself that way?Krista G.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66135303785741594052009-07-15T15:41:01.586-04:002009-07-15T15:41:01.586-04:00"A slender woman with intense eyes"
In ..."A slender woman with intense eyes"<br /><br />In her POV does she really think of herself this way? Took me right out. As other said, the first paragraph says the same thing too many times. <br /><br />Something else... I want to like the protag first off, unless I'm not supposed to I guess. I don't find her really interesting or endearing at all.Lucy Woodhullhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10772331811727392601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18200464949772056472009-07-15T15:02:58.436-04:002009-07-15T15:02:58.436-04:00I felt a bit beat over the head with the seven con...I felt a bit beat over the head with the seven consecutive omens of foreboding, or the three later ones: "gnawing at her, eating her up, distracting her."<br /><br />I was also a little confused by POV. First graf felt like 3rd limited, but "A slender woman with intense eyes" felt like 3rd omniscient.JohnOhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04761555703224981053noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40693557116007180492009-07-15T14:20:29.520-04:002009-07-15T14:20:29.520-04:00Ah. That nagging 'undone' or 'wrong...Ah. That nagging 'undone' or 'wrong' feeling. Know it well. <br /><br />I like your descriptions through here. Nice writing.Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70575358024560085222009-07-15T14:04:18.610-04:002009-07-15T14:04:18.610-04:00I have to agree - the majority of that first parag...I have to agree - the majority of that first paragraph is dwelling on that one idea - that something is GOING to happen - but nothing does. It isn't until the last sentence of the paragraph that we even get past her getting out of bed. I'd really think about trimming that down. <br /><br />I do, however, like the descriptive tone following that par, thoughSplatterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02392072296765949345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79371509876238036212009-07-15T13:36:59.498-04:002009-07-15T13:36:59.498-04:00A couple of people already mentioned the first two...A couple of people already mentioned the first two things that stuck out to me. <br /><br />1. The first paragraph repeats your point too much.<br />2. Someone waking up doesn't hook me.<br /><br />I like the voice, though, and the writing is strong. I just kind of feel like you should nix these first paragraphs and start with the Big Event that gets this story going.Sandy Williamshttp://brimfire.livejournal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12444706213055183852009-07-15T13:34:58.224-04:002009-07-15T13:34:58.224-04:00I liked the opening, the idea of knowing something...I liked the opening, the idea of knowing something would happen today, but was surprised when that became "a grey mood" - I guess I don't associate the feeling of impending destiny with bad moods.<br /><br />Didn't really like the first sentence of the second paragraph; the description feels awkwardly tacked-on. Also, a total nitpick, I was expecting the clouds to be gray rather than white - I associate white clouds with sunny days.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16047192012474777648noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59668128670858025482009-07-15T12:42:02.458-04:002009-07-15T12:42:02.458-04:00Hello. I feel like your opening line is a little c...Hello. I feel like your opening line is a little cliche. Also, it was too long, too much detail to let us know that there is pending doom. I think you go into any book knowing something is going to happen- I think it's unnecessary to build it up the way you did. It doesn't reel me in. <br /><br />I do like the details of the scene in the office, how we learn she's a reporter and we learn where she lives... those are good details an you worked them in very nicely. (Although I almost feel seeing her byline and introducing her name that way was a little off- seeing the byline is good because it tells us she's a reporter- I can't put my finger on it though.)<br /><br />I think starting the scene at the office is a better set-up. It gets us to the action quicker. Maybe use the clouds to bring us back to her thoughts as the day started... just something simple-- "Since she woke up, her mood had matched the clouds. Something wasn't right this morning." Obviously my example isn't what you should use, but I think doing something of that nature would be better than the way you spent so much time in paragraph one.<br /><br />Good scenery-- you can do so much with that river... Good luck!<br /><br />**Note- I thought I hit submit on this an hour ago, but saw that the window was minimized... oops!**Query-A-Dayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06403531785846541267noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26857570377779977112009-07-15T12:20:33.871-04:002009-07-15T12:20:33.871-04:00I'm not a big fan of characters waking up in t...I'm not a big fan of characters waking up in the opening line--it feels cliche. Also a bit too much repetition in the opening two paragraphs--something's gnawing at her, she has a bad feeling, she's distracted, she feels it in her bones--too much. For me I'd like it to start with her view out the window or her looking at her byline. The sky is overcast and ominous--perhaps this gives rise to her revealing her growing sense of doom over something intuitive.Courtney Abruzzohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09863947983523888169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42541564600190638162009-07-15T12:00:34.298-04:002009-07-15T12:00:34.298-04:00This has one of the best opening lines "It wa...This has one of the best opening lines "It was going to be one of those days, she could tell." Is it just me or can't you see that on a book jacket? I also like the clever way you insert the character's name by having her find her byline. That's often a difficult trick to pull off when there's no other character in the room, addressing the MC. Good stuff! I'd keep reading.Karen Harringtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13425141684712829990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43269404199699775122009-07-15T11:59:04.452-04:002009-07-15T11:59:04.452-04:00You've got a good beginning here- a sense of t...You've got a good beginning here- a sense of tension, you've set the scene, and introduced a likeable character. But I would tighten the writing, so you can gett the story moving a bit quicker.<br /><br />For example- the first 3 sentences are all basically saying the same thing. I would cut out the second. <br /><br />Same thing with the last sentence-you've said overcast and dreary, and thick clouds "blanketing" and sun struggling to let in the day- all that says the same thing. (I like the thick white blanket image. I'd keep that. But the struggling sun is also good.)sbjameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06986950185596914217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74677912035798796542009-07-15T11:54:03.125-04:002009-07-15T11:54:03.125-04:00Great descriptives..."the thick white clouds ...Great descriptives..."the thick white clouds blanketing the sun..." I like the action given to the nouns. It feels very fast paced. Don't know if that was intentional? I felt like I was reading it very quickly.Jennifer Hart Shawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13009559922964701431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35954604847933412192009-07-15T11:45:41.080-04:002009-07-15T11:45:41.080-04:00I like the way this author writes.I like the way this author writes.The Rejection Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01288683065588449736noreply@blogger.com