tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7821431866834248504..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Adult Genre Fiction #24Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79103443182686909612016-05-17T16:24:39.122-04:002016-05-17T16:24:39.122-04:00I agree that the opening is a little confusing, bu...I agree that the opening is a little confusing, but I would keep reading - I like the concept and you are doing a good job showing and not just telling.S.D.Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05707682524268581476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22656464985525522522016-05-17T11:13:00.304-04:002016-05-17T11:13:00.304-04:00My thoughts after reading your logline - ooohh, so...My thoughts after reading your logline - ooohh, sounds interesting.<br />As well, awesome title and awesome character name.<br />However, reading your opening as left me confused and in need of more context and details like others said. I'm a little confused and not necessarily the good kind of confused, you know? Nevertheless, I'd most likely flip the page and continue reading. The character is quite likable and I want to get to know her. I want to read on about her last day of work and what she's going to do up there! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03842761852069023467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38859215134571109412016-05-17T09:02:05.391-04:002016-05-17T09:02:05.391-04:00Your logline is really well done. Bravo!
I do enj...Your logline is really well done. Bravo!<br /><br />I do enjoy the voice in this. I agree with Abbe that a little more context and clarity would help. I'd read this based on the premise alone. Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14189636734251629072016-05-17T00:22:49.647-04:002016-05-17T00:22:49.647-04:00I also liked the logline. You get a lot into a sma...I also liked the logline. You get a lot into a small space.<br /><br />In the first paragraph, I feel a little lost. If she knows what building she's climbing, could she say what it is? Something to anchor it in my mind would help, even if she just calls it the building across the street from her office. <br /><br />I had some of the same questions as the previous commenter. Does Shushan know the banks are going to collapse (I assume we mean a financial collapse here, not a literal collapse)? Does everyone else? If they don't, how does she know and does she feel any responsibility to stop it or tell someone who can? If everyone knows, I think there would be panic as the time gets closer and people (everyone but Shushan, it seems) wouldn't be going about their normal workday as the end approaches.<br /><br />Just a little more context and clarity would help realize the promise of your great premise.<br /><br />Good luck.<br /><br />Oh, wait. I just thought of one more possibility. If it's a Y2K type situation and everyone thinks it's going to be okay, no big deal, but Shushan doesn't, she could say something about how she was the only one who understood that this problem couldn't be fixed in time, or similar. I hope that helps.amhogganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08831363893894165135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86829305957574291022016-05-16T19:25:09.972-04:002016-05-16T19:25:09.972-04:00I really dig your logline. It's punchy, catchy...I really dig your logline. It's punchy, catchy, and sums up an intriguing premise beautifully. It also gives me a huge amount of faith in your prose. I want to love it (especially after reading the 1st paragraph of your 250). A tiny hint of what must be done or how would take this from "Oh. This sounds like a fun read." to "I MUST BUY AND READ THIS RIGHT NOW." <br /><br />Your first paragraph hooked me completely. You give such a clear sense of Shushan and her character. When I hit "disappointing her", it was such a brilliant character reveal moment. You've built so much faith by this point, it'd take something truly off-putting to lose the sale. <br /><br />From there, the punch comes and goes. The section about the coworkers at the bank has great reveals without being tell-y. The part about her staying bold is genius stuff, and makes me excited about the prospect of spending a book (or more) in Shushan's head. My only quibble would be that Shushan's situation and theirs could be more clear sooner with a hint more background as to why the banks are collapsing and Shushan seems so cavalier about it (as well as why she's goofing off right outside in clear view of her workplace). I suspect there's a great piece of character quirk in there. <br /><br />The last section is similiar. You've got great hooks and development in there. A hint more expansion into detail would be excellent. Shushan's aside about the grubby world is another great piece of world/character build with lovely sparse prose that flows beautifully. There's a poetic quality to your writing that makes me want to dive in and float around in it for hours. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing your excerpt. It's so well done. I WANT THIS BOOK.Mich Fisherhttp://plastichassle.comnoreply@blogger.com