tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8250608523602351485..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talkin' Heads #4Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58927381989414941972016-01-19T11:02:53.874-05:002016-01-19T11:02:53.874-05:00The like the interaction between these characters....The like the interaction between these characters. I'd watch what I used in the way of tags. Inquired is shown with the question mark. Swore is shown by the word Bastard. And how does one chime a word? <br /><br />This tag 'asked Cam, now steadily pulling the last body to the grave.' is wonderful. But you could delete steadily for it doesn't add anything. There's 'Robyn continued', and this could also be Robyn spoke next.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00704644307678872170noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61147477439161647412016-01-14T17:14:51.000-05:002016-01-14T17:14:51.000-05:00I'm definitely intrigued by a fantasy world th...I'm definitely intrigued by a fantasy world that incorporates the Pied Piper! Plus mermaids! And sprites!Unfortunately, I had a lot of trouble following along with all of the new information being introduced in this excerpt. If this information is pivotal to the story, then the pacing might be too quick. It would help if they could slow down and stay focused. For example, Jack's offhand comment about the Pied Piper pulls focus away from the explanation of the stone. <br /><br />It also feels like the setting doesn't match the dialogue. They're having a very important expository conversation in a very offhand way while burying bodies. I also don't get a good sense of character from their dialogue. (You might want to take a look at #9, which I thought did that well with 3 people.) I wonder if this conversation may need to happen in another place? Could it be in a tavern where they're talking in whispers? I hope this was helpful in some way! Good luck!<br /><br />Suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10114423416040216214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78343733756019082322016-01-14T15:09:40.037-05:002016-01-14T15:09:40.037-05:00This definitely shows promise, but I would be more...This definitely shows promise, but I would be more sparing with your dialogue tags. Most of the time "said" is more effective than distracting words like "inquired," "swore" or "chimed" whose meaning is already there in the context of the dialogue. Good luck!Matrilnoreply@blogger.com