tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8498952799494513665..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: (1) Historical Romance with paranormal elements: SYLVAN LEGACYAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7821867646543455952012-12-01T18:25:14.182-05:002012-12-01T18:25:14.182-05:00I'm hooked. I already love the idea of a woman...I'm hooked. I already love the idea of a woman escaping her riding habit. And you do a good job of getting the setting down. If I had any criticism at all, it's that in the last paragraph I got a little lost. I wasn't sure who was 'flooding her thoughts' - the sun, her brother, or the horse (which was my last guess). Other than that, great start. Good luck!Emmanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19552128219866618892012-12-01T17:33:00.851-05:002012-12-01T17:33:00.851-05:00I love the description! That is definitely a stren...I love the description! That is definitely a strength with this first page. I agree with everyone about the conflict. Maybe having her foot slip or the horse slow down in caution to predict some kind of trouble. I was a little taken aback by the first person POV at first, but as I read I kind of liked it. It's different, and different is sometimes good. I'd definitely read on. Annie Rainshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18408863685494968873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42374909504191854922012-12-01T14:18:25.425-05:002012-12-01T14:18:25.425-05:00I like the ease of your writing - it flows well, l...I like the ease of your writing - it flows well, like the imagery of the horse ride.<br /><br />I agree with the others about the conflict. Need to inject some or suspense to keep the reader interested. <br /><br />Also, the first person POV works fine. Victoria Holt, possibly one of the top historical writers of all time, usually did first person.<br />Good luck!Lucianne Poolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10687732495236270127noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35578042121996638792012-11-30T20:33:33.476-05:002012-11-30T20:33:33.476-05:00I like the action here and there writing is vivid ...I like the action here and there writing is vivid so I could definitely envision the scene. <br /><br />I'd like to see more tension here, to know immediately what the conflict of the story will be. I'm intrigued by the magical element with the sentence, "Magic derived from the warmth of the sun cloaks us both.." but the rest of the passage focuses on the race with her brother, which is fairly low stakes. <br /><br />The dialogue issue is a tricky one in historical novels--this does feel a bit formal, but that could work if that matches the tone of the rest of the novel. If not, it might be a good idea to tweak it so it flows easier. <br /><br />Overall I'm definitely interested--I'd keep reading to see when the conflict pops up!Stephanie Thorntonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17437077559099315853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52990309782789139822012-11-30T17:00:07.019-05:002012-11-30T17:00:07.019-05:00(First, this logline sounds familiar. Did someone ...(First, this logline sounds familiar. Did someone pitch this to me, or did I do an advanced read at a conference?)<br /><br />My initial reaction to this regards the tense. I, personally, dislike using the present tense for anything historical. I simply don’t understand it, and it trips me up. Rather than provide immediacy as in a contemporary story, it holds me back. So I would suggest the author experiment with changing the tense. I’m also not sure how I feel about a romance in first person. It’s not the standard, and if the hero’s POV is used as well, I caution again dual first-person.<br /><br />Otherwise, I think the writing is vivid, and I’m curious about the narrator’s connection to her horse (though the POV of “he floods my mind with his every thought” feels a bit off to me) and the extent of her magical abilities. I hope we get to the debutante-healing soon to kick the story into gear.Peter Senftlebenhttp://twitter.com/gr8thepeternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31698259794767909132012-11-30T16:49:40.444-05:002012-11-30T16:49:40.444-05:00Regency era + elves + magic + horses--Like!
As f...Regency era + elves + magic + horses--Like! <br /><br />As for the tense, it is definitely not as common to read first person present in romance, but I have read a few. Given this is more genre romance, I think it can work. <br /><br />Lots of great description here, but I'm wondering if that last paragraph can be thinned a bit so we can get to a hint of where the story is heading. I know 250 words is incredibly tough to convey plot details without dumping too much, but a clue to where they're going and why would work, or if they're out riding for fun, are they avoiding something else? That sort of thing.<br /><br />Best of luck!!Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75068615050004491242012-11-30T14:55:49.010-05:002012-11-30T14:55:49.010-05:00Beautiful writing. I agree that I'd like to se...Beautiful writing. I agree that I'd like to see at least a hint of the stakes in the first page. I also feel like for paranormal, I like a hint of that as well.<br /><br />Romance is my genre, although I haven't read much historical, but I think 1st person present tense is fairly unusual. It seems more common in YA than romance. I think it would read more like a romance if we were in 3rd person past tense.<br /><br />Like I said, beautiful writing though, and I would keep reading, at least for a bit, to see if the action picks up soon.A Little Pushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08081183739979996879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23226959904648420942012-11-30T14:44:55.501-05:002012-11-30T14:44:55.501-05:00I would read on here. I think the enjoyment of the...I would read on here. I think the enjoyment of the ride is enough that I want to keep reading but I agree that there would have to be more conflict soon. I feel like this is falling victim to the problem of not being able to show just a little more of the story - I want to read the rest of this opening. Ailsahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02824021953575422303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39177772525975090322012-11-30T11:39:23.739-05:002012-11-30T11:39:23.739-05:00I like the writing, time period, and genre. :)
Bu...I like the writing, time period, and genre. :)<br /><br />But this first page left me a bit flat because there are no story questions here. I don't expect to have the main story question introduced on the first page, but I would like to see some hint of a problem or stakes.<br /><br />The job of a first page is to make us want to turn the page. So far, the only questions are whether her brother's horse will refuse the jump and she'll win the race. But those aren't stakes because we have no sense of why we should care.<br /><br />These don't have to be big stakes. Even a simple, "If she won, maybe he'd stop teasing her about abc for a week" might be enough. But since we don't know why <i>she</i> cares (what would even the basic "bragging rights" mean to her?), we don't have any reason to care ourselves.<br /><br />I hope this helps!Jami Goldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00957122956518765455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27830780502847172652012-11-30T10:00:01.456-05:002012-11-30T10:00:01.456-05:00I love the action, the motion here - it really fee...I love the action, the motion here - it really feels like I'm along for the ride. <br /><br />I'd watch your dialog, though - "just as she always does" feels very stoic and formal for someone in the midst of a thrilling ride. I know you're going for more formal, period-appropriate dialog, but that still feels a little over the top. <br /><br />The imagery is great, though - I can see her hair, her pants, the tall boots...I like her already.Leahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07909811517213604525noreply@blogger.com